Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Joining you all on the singles bench, probably soon - jeez, that 'relationshit' had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster. The last straw wasn't any big thing but his communication skills when things aren't perfect between us is shit, he backs off, won't talk on the phone and then circles back with grand words. It's inconsistent and I just can't manage that kind of thing. Like you 30something I need reassurance and for someone to show up

@lifegoes yes everything was fine up to that point. I just didn't feel any chemistry if that makes sense. @CocoKoko123 yes you're right about that but, put it this way, I'd have to teach him a fair few things I suspect.

Hugs life

Oh dear crappyday maybe not worth a second try then!at least you have Thursday's date to look forward to.

@Notcoolmum Yes, I am happy with how things are but I’m not happy with being one of many options to him.

I don’t particularly believe that any one relationship is meant to last forever but I do know after my husband having an affair, that I want to be the only person someone is seeing. Whatever the ‘relationship’ is, I want monogamy while it lasts.

I’m so close to just switching my phone off for the rest of the evening and burying my head.

Sorry you are in a similar situation too x

@DaffoDeffo I agree that 2 months is early days but I don’t think it’s too early to expect to be the only woman he’s seeing.

If he doesn’t intent for it ever to be serious then I wish he’d held back on the affection, lovely texts, etc that led me to believe he might actually want some sort of relationship with me.

Sunshineandflipflops you are just punishing yourself now by overthinking. There is no evidence that he is having sex with other women, he just has not deleted the apps and he doesn't want anything serious for reasons known only to him at the moment. He was however looking weeks into the future.

You will just have to wait to talk to him and see what he is willing to divulge. Just be clear about what you want.

@DaffoDeffo it's very hurtful isn't it, and I also dislike the "god you could write a book about the terrible men you've had" yeah thanks for that 🙄

Think I'm going to have a pamper night, with a big bag of crisps and a movie 😂

@crappyday2018 then I wouldn't go back, I would hate to think a man did that to me. Just to see...

@Sunshineandflipflops I do agree with @vwman there.

I think 2 months is quite quick to "confirm" a serious relationship. He probably is enjoying how things are going! Doesn't want to class it as serious but probably isn't having sex with others. He's just gone through a divorce I'm sure the last thing he wants is pressure to be classed as serious. (But really you are together - if that makes sense).

Wait for his calll

@Lifegoes thanks, I'm going to mull it over as I;m not due to see him for a while anyway.
Sorry you're feeling that way. I had been feeling like that too hence my return to OLD. But then I go on OLD and start wondering why i put myself through it. I do think the summer months are worse for singles too.

Part of me wished I hadn’t said anything now but another part of me would just be wondering if he’s with someone else and I can’t live like that.

It’s not the ‘serious’ element that’s bothering me, it’s the still actively being on dating apps.

@Sunshineandflipflops but not saying anything would leave your mind going off on its own.

This so depressing sunshine I hope he has a good think about what he wants and decides he wants to come off the apps. I don't think two months is early to be in a relationship.

I have been asked out by Mr Widow and I am also chatting to Mr Winker. So that maybe three irons. Surely someone will want to see me at the next bank holiday.

@Sunshineandflipflops have also been following your story. I do think two months is very early for something serious but he certainly seems to have given you the impression it was serious. In my opinion, he is seeing it as casual but you have every right to tell him what you are looking for. I really hope it works out for you as you seem lovely!

This- I don’t particularly believe that any one relationship is meant to last forever but I do know after my husband having an affair, that I want to be the only person someone is seeing. Whatever the ‘relationship’ is, I want monogamy while it lasts. >

I totally agree with you @Sunshineandflipflops. Doesn't matter if it's 2 months or two years I expect monogamy.

I suspect he is only seeing you but doesn't like the idea of being in a serious relationship.

@Notcoolmum I'm sorry about Mr S. Think I'd prefer to be text dumped than waiting for that...

And hope you're ok @30somethingandsingle

@lifegoes yeah I'm not used to feeling lonely either so when you do it hits hard. I'm happy I'm my own company but I've learned not to go to certain places on a sunny weekend.

I think a lot of us are hitting the 2/3 month phase. All the romance and sex is calming down and you look at the person. I'm not sure how I feel about Mr Unsuitable. I'm doing a lot of carrying by helping him out with stuff. He's also totally different to my usual men. Different age, different culture, off the wall job so it's all a novelty. Which is fun. Last night I decided I'd had enough and wanted a man from my background. And my age. But actually I think it's because I've seen him every day this week and it's too bloody much! Think I need to go back to 2 or 3 times a week and it'll be fine... reading the thread also reminds me that I don't want to be swiping again. I don't want a proper LTR. I don't want to think about a future. I trust him re not sleeping with other people, it's good.

Thanks peanut yes the wait isn't great. But I'd like to see him again. Don't like the idea of it being the last time. But I'll get through it. I've gotten through worse. 😢

I think there's a few stages to a new relationship. First is the exciting new phase all passion and nice. Then around the 2-3 months that calms down as a relationship starts to form so expectations get a little different. Sometimes little things start to annoy that wouldn't have bothered you before. I think that's why so many are questioning what is happening now. Then I think when it hits the six month mark it's relationship where hopefully you are secure in the relationship and see longevity. I think OLD makes it more difficult as you have to complete with others still on apps before the exclusive chat. I think for men in particular they find it more difficult as they like the attention and can be reluctant to give that up.

@Peanuthedz I agree, I love my own company. I'm happy going for meals and drinks etc on my own. But today for some reason I've felt really alone. 😢

Haven’t posted all week so had to search to find the new thread. I will read through and catch up with what’s going on.

I have Mr Dog another chance after the not so good date last week, I’m all for 2nd chances, he was unwell last week and a bit moany. So we spent today together and I think I was a bit moany as I kind of expected him to be. We arranged to go for a walk but the weather changed so after we had a little picnic we decided to come back to my house where it was dry. He was a real gent and didn’t push for anything but we eventually ended up talking about sex and then one thing led to another 🤣 he was a bit nervous which made me a little nervous but things went pretty well (considering he hadn’t done it for quite a while). He asked “are we now officially dating?” So I guess we are kind of exclusive (not sure what to call it). I’m going to try and not stress about what it is, what it isn’t or how long it will last. I suspect it won’t last but for now I will just enjoy the company and the sex.

I also think two months is very soon. I’m personally not monogamous if it’s casual, I do however make sure the people involved know that. So the guy I have been seeing knows I have an FWB. If it was something he wasn’t happy about, I wouldn’t keep it a secret, that is a really awful thing to do, I would still be honest even if that meant him walking away.

Saw this and thought I'd post it...we are the prize, people

@kermit that was much needed, thanks!

@SimonJT I haven’t said I want “serious” at this stage, but I do want and expect exclusivity, regardless of the seriousness of the ‘relationship’.

@Sunshineandflipflops could it be that he just doesn't want to put a label on it? He might not be active on the apps...just didn't get around to deleting them?

@kermitrulesok I’d like to think so but I think he would have just said that when I messaged him rather than “wanting to talk about it” later.