Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Budge up 30something and coco. Mr S wants to meet somewhere neutral tomorrow to talk. We are done. Not sure if it's my insecurities that have pushed us apart or whether I was always right to feel wary. Feel sad.

Not cool 💐 is this after the silence? Did you get that clarified or both just pulled back?

ccgirr yes this is after the silence. I broke the silence. But now things seem to be broken full stop.

@Notcoolmum Has something specific happened or is it just a gut feeling you've got?

@30somethingandsingle sounds like a tough night and sad few days ahead for you but for what it's worth I think you've done the right thing. He wasn't able to give you what you needed - communication and reassurance. When you come from a place of being naturally insecure (aka a bit fucking needy and I absolutely sit at the top table myself in the neediness stakes), you want someone who is going to fill the space in terms of communication. If the space doesn't get filled by them it gets filled by our overthinking which as we all know to our detriment is never a good thing. I don't need to be told how wonderful I am 24/7, I'm not that shallow, but I do need at least a daily phone call, messages throughout the day (work permitting for both parties), some sort of indication that we are planning future things together (i.e I don't leave his without us deciding when our next date is - none of this "I'll let you know..." nonsense), I need to know that I'm a priority in someone's life. Have they mentioned me to friends after we've decided we're exclusive even if it's just "I've mentioned to Rob I'm seeing someone, but told him it's early days".

So despite my cold and period from hell which could more rightly be described as a fucking haemorrhage this month - look away now boys, but a tampon and an overnight pad are just about doing the job, I've had another nice evening with Mr Cornish though we were in bed by 10.30pm. Me in my very attractive black period pants and a pair of pyjama bottoms. He's snoozing next to me, whilst I drink coffee and catch up on here. I'll pop home later for a couple of hours then come back for Sunday dinner and another sleepover. Doesn't even bother me that there's no DTDing going on because he's such great company even without that. And still in the back of my mind there's a little voice saying, he's going to dump you, he's just waiting for the right moment 🤷🏻‍♀️ why????!!!! Do one little voice.

notcoolmum 30something coco

So my first date was unexpected. Mr Runner wasn't my type physically but I just found him attractive and things got unbelievably heated in the pub. He said he wants to see me again. And he stayed in the spare room (in annexe away from dc). He's just gone. No sex yet. So there you have it, he's quite clearly multi dating or multi chatting, full of crap about how amazing, beautiful, intelligent I am etc. It was a good night but I will see if a second date is forthcoming. I hope so.

We had a falling out on Wednesday jesuis. It's changed everything and now it seems we are done. Inevitable I guess. But sad.

Sorry to hear your news this morning notcool30coco
Hope you're all doing ok.
Stealth sounds like a great first date. Oh and learn how to accept a compliment 🤣 just because you haven't had them for a while doesn't mean they're not true!

So sorry so many are off the smitten bench

stealth go you!

likeriding Just to offer a different perspective on fab. I think for many it is a community not just a dating /hook up site. There are forums like this and the chat can be really funny. I have made some friends on their who I wouldn’t date/ dtd with. If your Iron has been on Fab a long time I can see it might be hard to leave and doesn’t necessarily mean he want meets

Marlboroandmalbec34 I know I'm making excuses for him, but when we first met he was on there a lot, and had women he was just chatting to as friends, he was meeting women as well, but there was a social element. I need to talk to him face to face but I do wonder if things have got more serious for him and he's had a wobble. I just don't need this sort of thing, we're either a couple in a serious adult relationship or it's time to call it a day, I'm too old for drama like this.

Definitely likeriding have a good chat. I am not trying to make excuses for him either obviously but I do spend time on Fab as I find the chat and forums hilarious some of it is like mumsnet 😂

@Notcoolmum you don't know this, so try not to get caught up in negativity. But if it is to end, you have had quite a few doubts for while and very unsure on where you stand or why he does what he does. I often think that's your gut protecting you not you deliberately pushing him away so to speak.

Has anyone ever listened to Marisa Peer?

Hi all
I haven’t caught up yet but I’m just home from the weekend at MrSAS’s and could do with some advice...

We have been seeing each other 2 months now. All going great, see each other eow when I don’t have the kids and a night in the week too.

In contact every day, talk of a city break together later in the summer, etc.

We were talking about OLD yesterday after we’d been in bed together and he made a comment about apps and I asked him if he was still on them. I expected him to say no but he said yes

I don’t think I hid my surprise very well and when he asked me if I was off them I said yes.

I should have asked him if he was actively on them but I think I was so gutted I just went quiet.

So I go on holiday for a week on Saturday and he is coming to mine on Tuesday night, which will be trhe last time I see him before I go so do I say something before he comes round, in case it’s not what I want to hear and I can decide whether to call it a day or so I talk to him when he comes round?

I don’t want to go on holiday wondering if he’s meeting up with other women. I do not want to share him or anyone else. I was cheated on in my marriage and I won’t be someone’s fall back or safe bet while they look for someone better

I should add that when we started sleeping together I did tell him I didn’t want to be sleeping with him if he was sleeping with other women and he said he wasn’t.

Thank you for the link VWman

Sunshine I think you’re going to have to be direct and ask him for your own peace of mind

WTF is going on with the thread at the moment!

@Sunshineandflipflops how can he still be on them??? I'm outraged in your behalf.

Oh no sunshine. Is it multiple apps or you not sure? I’d def say you’ll have to ask pretty bluntly. I’d have handled it badly so well done for just going quiet. Maybe he has just been too busy to delete?!? Hope

Peanutz I’m so Glad you said that as I feel same!!

@Sunshineandflipflops I think you have every right to ask him if he's using the apps actively and meeting other women.

You are sleeping with this guy above anything else, for that reason alone you have a right to know. So don't play the exclusive line, I would go down the road of sleeping together and that's why.

Yes, I know what I have to do. I hate OLD ☹️

@Sunshineandflipflops I would ask him before Tuesday. Just ask outright so you know where he is at. And if I've learnt anything it is to say how you feel even if you think it isn't what they want to hear.

Bloody hell, what is going on here 😕

Sunshine I'd be upset in your position and would have to say something before Tuesday.

So I went on a date last night, I;ll call him Mr Keen. I ended up sleeping with him (no judgments please). The sex wasn't very good at all to be honest which is a shame cos he is a lovely guy and he is super keen. I know the first time with someone can be awkward but I suspect it won't get any better. Other than that he is a lovely bloke. Would you guys give him another try? I'm worried about leading him on because he is definitely keener on me than I am of him!