Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I've done some crying lifegoes I honestly (even though I would have said the same about my exH) don't think he's a cheater, but this really doesn't help my trust issues or self esteem. I don't know where we go from here. I have some health problems which restrict what I can do sex wise, this plays right into all my insecurities about that. I've at least temporarily moved off the smitten bench but I'm hovering close by.

@likeridingabike has he been texting since to offer any explanation? (After he called)

Right now, you need time for you. I can fully relate as to why you are hurting and feeling the way you do. So my heart goes out to you. Nobody should be made to feel like this.

@likeridingabike bored? bored with what? to me this indicates that he is unhappy with his life. You don't look elsewhere if you are happy. If he is bored with you or the relationship he isn't ready to settle down.

Sorry @likeridingabike I guess he had made you suspicious which is why you checked. I'm not sure you have any choice other than to end it because I'm not sure how he'd get the trust back.

@lilyrose88 that's a nice date. Have you heard from him?

@30somethingandsingle that was pretty nasty of him. I'm not sure I have ever been so drunk I would do something like that and you already had doubts even before last night. Personally I think you're too good for him and I would text 'fuck off, I am off to find a real man whose dick isn't like a small, shrivelled maggot'. But that's just me.

Date night for me. Just a pub within walking distance of my house because I have driven to my last four dates and not been able to relax. I have spoken to him on the phone a few times and he has a lovely voice although from his profile pictures he isn't the normal sort of guy I'd go for.

vwman Just sitting in the house on his own bored, I think he spent quite a bit of time browsing on fab, before he met me, when he was at a lose end.

StealthNinjaMum There was nothing in particular that made me look, things have been going well.

He says he doesn't know why he did it, was just browsing because he was at a lose end/bored. I just need some time to think about this.

@likeridingabike at very least he needs to break a habit, and get motivated to play the game of life. Life isn't supposed to be spent sitting at home getting bored. I think for you, it is a warning sign, even if he did nothing but browse. He should be excited about the prospect of spending time with you. If he isn't at this early stage what the hell is it going to be like in a few years?

@likeridingabike Haven't got any advice really, but personally if I'd agreed to be exclusive with someone and then found out they were back on the apps through "curiousity/boredom" that would be a deal breaker for me. Do what feels right for you though

@lilyrose88 I used to think only an immediate spark was enough to ensure an attraction and the possibility of a relationship. I've been proved absolutely wrong with MrC - looks wise he's got ears like wingnuts, a wonky nose, scar on his chin, thinning a bit on top, all arms and legs and nervous as hell, so when I first met him I thought "nope, I don't think he's going to do it for me" - I want a handsome, confident, doing triathlons for fun, outgoing man. I was so, so, so wrong. I look at him now and get complete fanny gallops. He's like a different man and really nothing has changed except my perception of him. What I thought of as flaws previously are just the cutest thing ever, add into the mix 6ft 4 hairy chested cuddle monster who remembers everything I ever tell him and asks about my best friends mum's hip replacement, my daughter's project on the Romans etc., waits on me hand and foot despite my protestations, chivalrous to a fault, always makes sure I'm "satisfied" 😳, and a hundred other things that make me realise he's always thinking about me. That stuff is going to way outlast a six pack.

@30somethingandsingle I think you need to have a heart to heart with Mr Fox, but don't fudge it. Tell him you need more communication, you want phone calls, you want to know he's thinking about you when you're not together. If he can't/doesn't want to do that stuff then I think you need to find someone who will. Don't settle for a half life. Just because it's great when you're together, why should you be left hanging in between?

@StealthNinjaMum Fingers crossed for your date tonight. Go with an open mind, you never know what might happen.

I've got a completely stinking cold and my period so I've asked MrC if he wants to have a rain check for tonight's date - he's horrified that I'd even suggest it and says he's got a hot water bottle/chocolate/wine ready for an evening on the sofa so looks like I've still got a date even if I'm stinking of vapour rub and dosed up on paracetemol. What a catch I am 🤧😂

Jesuis "fanny gallops" 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣. My guy is the same in terms of attentive and caring and I didn't find him attractive at first but do now!x

Bored? Just looking? Can only speak for myself and I've never done that when I'm happily in a new relationship.

I'd be ending things. He can't be trusted :(

He's just phoned, thought he was dumping me from the preamble, says he's fucked up, wants to be with me, will never find anyone else like me, lots of compliments, very apologetic. Says it's time he grew up and committed to a serious relationship (been divorced 6/7 years). Wants to spend more time with me so he's going to tell his daughter about me, wants to arrange to meet mine and plan a trip in the summer. So hopefully actions to match the words.

Absolute last chance saloon, the slightest hint of any wandering eyes and I will let my head rule my heart.

vwman Slightly concern he's reading this thread, he said more or less the same, he needs to make some changes, so today for example, if he'd met my daughter he could have come over here for a few hours rather than sitting at home at a loose end before he goes to work.

Yes, he fucked up. I hope he means what he says.

I wouldn't be able to trust him again but it's your call. Hope you are OK.

Well Mr third date is out and I have no irons. Changed my profile at the direction of some friends and now getting no matches all...

windymillwhirl I'm not sure I will ever entirely trust any man again, at least he's taken responsibility, my exH would have found a way to make it my fault. I'm going to tread carefully and see if his actions match his words.

likeridingabike I understand your trust issues. Just don't minimise this because it doesn't seem as bad as your ex. He was being deceptive and he was online as recently as this morning. He likely would still be there if he had not been caught. Do you have to pay to be on the site?

@likeridingabike only you know how you feel and your relationship with him. I'm glad he's called and spoke to you about it. That's his strike, you make sure he knows that. But it could be the kick he needed to know he could lose you.

likeridingabike its just one man understanding what another man needs, a reason for being, a purpose in life. Men who spend hours playing computer games exhibit the same lack of purpose, with him hopefully it was just going back to old habits and he wasnt really looking for sex but something to motivate himself.

Lifegoes He knows he's come very close to being dumped from a great height. I could be making a big mistake, time will tell.

vwman If looking back into his old lifestyle has made him reflect on how far he's come then that's a good thing, he's been avoiding putting himself in a situation where he can be hurt for years and got himself into a major rut.

@likeridingabike if you don't try, you might always wonder what if. So I understand why you have. Plus he did delete his account after this morning and before you confronted him. (I'm definitely not making excuses here, as what he's done is totally wrong) just looking for a glimpse of positivity

Batshit JeSuis and Stealth yes he has been in touch a lot today via WhatsApp and we have had some good chats. We haven't arranged another date yet but I imagine it will be next weekend as I am working all next week and don't get home until quite late.

It was a total surprise as if I had seen a full-length photo of him I wouldn't have even agreed to meet him. I have no idea if things will pan out well, but it was a great first date so I will just be thankful for that.

@likeridingabike just adding my twopence worth... I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Sounds like he's been given a wake up. It's the kind of stupid thing I might do 😳 It's addictive and if you're bored it's easily done. I had to delete tinder to keep myself from just having a nose and I'm currently definitely not interested in anyone else.

In fact pre Mr Unsuitable when I was having a break from the apps I used to sometimes create a fake account just for a nose.

Lifegoes He also sent me messages and tried to phone me after he'd been on and before I asked him which with hindsight looks like he was feeling guilty, when I ignored him, which I never do I think panic set in. Pure coincidence that I went on when I did.

LilyRose88 I didn't fancy MrMetal in sight but the attraction grew very quickly.

I always find this with men, I'm never attracted to looks straight off. I mean I like them to look good on the eye 😉 I might go "he's fit" but it's nothing to me.

To me, it's all about how they make me feel, is their a connection when we talk. Does he make me laugh and does it flow well. Do we seem to match on morals etc. That's huge for me. That's where my connection and even sexual attraction comes from.