Dating thread 159 - Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

[DaffoDeffo]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I'm really not a bitchy person at all, so hope this doesn't come across as so. BUT...

I've been reading the "no contact" thread and trying to give advice. But honestly, I thought I had personal issues until reading that 👀

@LilyRose88 they say it's the ones that surprise you turn out to be the best 😉

lifegoes I had my old account hidden and had checked a couple of times and his profile had disappeared, so I deleted it.

I set up a new account today (not sure why) and searched for his location and age and it's reappeared with a new user name, I'm 99% sure it's him. I can't see it now so he's possibly hidden it or blocked my account in case it's me. There's no photo and no verifications, but one of the friends in the list is the one he met before (I'm 99% sure) and his verification that I saw last time is there (again I think so) but in the new name, so I'm assuming that's what fab does if you change a user name.

That sounds like a good date lilyrose.

Oh likeridingabike that's not good. Can you see if he's been active? I'd send him a screen shot. Or just dump him. 💐

Over to the no contact thread now!

likeriding does he know you know he's on Fab still? Is his profile active - could it be an old one he hasn't shut down (clutches at straws)? So sorry, it's really shit 😕

@likeridingabike doesn't sound good, but how would he know it's you if yo set up a fake account to block you. I'd tread careful before you accuse, I do believe your gut instinct drives you do things for a reason tho.

Just make sure you are right or drop in the conversation as a "joke" if he's still on it.

lilyrose that sounds lovely.

I feel a bit awful @Notcoolmum by saying that as some on there on genuine and are looking for support. But some are buying new SIM cards to check his online status or stalking the life out them. I know I've checked ex's profiles but also know it's no good for health. But some on there are a bit worrying 👀

lifegoes I don't know, I'm very confused, it's possible he's hidden the profile. If it's him he's been on-line this morning, so active, and he promised me he was off that site, he's knows it's a deal breaker.

@likeridingabike are you over 90% confident it's him? Has something changed with him recently that's made you check?

likeriding IF it's him? So you aren't sure?

lifegoes social media is awful for stalking. I still check out my ex bF's wife's FB. She has recently shut it right down. Maybe she knew I was checking it? Or any of the other women he's bound to have hurt along the way!!

@Notcoolmum ha I think we are all guilty of that. I know I am. I just hate seeing anyone so consumed by an ex and lowering their self respect for contact from him. (I know we have all been there) I think because I have been there I kinda want them to stop as I know the damage it can do. But they can't see it 😟

Notcoolmum I don't want to admit it's him but I'm fairly sure it's the same profile with a name change. I'd like to be 100% sure before I discuss it with him or dump him but might have to just ask him.

@likeridingabike the only bit that throws me is where you are saying it's disappeared after you found it. So could he not have logged on to actually close it down?

Which could mean he's not been active on it and changed the name so people couldn't find him. But now deleted it ? Just a thought.

There is too many what ifs here for you to end something. UNLESS you are looking for a reason to end it?

@likeridingabike sorry just to add, could you create another fake profile and search again he wouldn't have that blocked?

lifegoes He's supposed to have deleted the profile (and it did disappear so I believe he did that) and isn't supposed to be on there at all though, so if he's changed his username he's downloaded the app, re registered the account, change his username etc. so even if it's hidden now, it wasn't earlier when he was online.

lifegoes I've just done that, the profile must be hidden.

He admits he's been on fab, says he hasn't been messaging and hasn't met anyone, just looking. Fuck.

@likeridingabike did you just ask him outright? What made him delete it now?

Could he have been checking on you?

I didn't know there was an app for Fab

What's he looking for likeridingabike?

I'm seeing someone and went on Bumble yesterday as I'm having a wobble over some of his behaviour. I think he'd be pretty upset to find out I had done that. And I would be too. I think I just wanted to reassure myself if this ends there are other irons to be had.

Messaged and asked him straight. I went through so much torment with my ex I just can't handle any game playing. He's phoned and apologised, says he was just bored and was just looking, I've said I need to think.

One thing I've learnt you can't let your ex dedicate your future or assume all men are like your ex.

I think you need to understand his reasons for looking, it doesn't bode well for him. But he could also ask why you were on there etc and all you can say is to check up on him. He may not believe that. @likeridingabike

At least he was honest when you asked him like but if you're meant to be exclusive and off the apps then there's no need for him to be looking...if I were in your position I think I'd be ending things with him but that's just me.hope you're ok whatever you decide.

He knows I was only on there to check up on him, hasn't even questioned it. He's nothing like my ex, he admitted it immediately no excuses. I really don't know. Need to think about it.

@likeridingabike I'm sorry to hear he's done this, I was hoping it wasn't what you first thought. But I'd hear his reason for doing so... then I'd make your choice (I can't think of one excuse why he would be on there, if he's meant to be exclusive with you). I'd also worry he's broke your trust moving forward.

Hope you are ok 😘