MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

I know right it's insulting to be honest with you and I sat and added up last night how much I was actually gaining money wise once his food was taken off and it was about a tenner if you factor in extra toilet rolls ,toothpaste ,milk coffee etc as those add up those little things you forget aswell as meals and snacks everyday so I was getting £10 that's it if that I'm being generous ...that's not including the free gas electric and water facilities haha it's funny but it's not. I'm keeping it anyway I will ask someone if they can come with me though so I'm not alone and change the name on the ticket. I'm sure he was driving past the house last night though his car stands out and I was sat in the front room and I saw a car his model drive past more then once.

He's an arsehole times he's watched me struggle honestly

Have the last of his tools gone OP or does he still need to collect something. You need to be prepared for his next move so you are not caught off guard

Have you changed the locks, op??

He's got one thing here which couldn't be taken easily it's in my outhouse so it needs collecting and I've got to gather up last few items I've come across paperwork phots etc that belong to him his dad is meant to be collecting it The Weeknd with help so waiting for that so it's all gone . He's defo been driving past my house last night I had a feeling he would do that his family live maybe a mile away from me so it's very close to home and he can come by whenever as it's so close to where I live.

He's quite a jealous person aswell so this won't be going down well at all as I've never acted like this I'm a people pleaser this is out of character for me and he knwks that so will be thinking all sorts but it was me I had enough

Please make detailed notes of every time you see him to build up a case against him. Speak to the police again and tell them as this is how stalking starts.

OP so he got these for free, for 6 years..

Gas
Electric
Water
Internet
TV license
Insurance
Rent
Council tax

That £10 you calculated was well and truly spent.

Are the locks done?

When do you go away and will that easily be sorted or will he insist on coming too?

He's very predictable. It's quite laughable. What will you do if he knocks on the door? ( Dont answer it !)

He'll no doubt have come to the conclusion he's going to be out of pocket soon if wherever he is wants rent off him and it will start to dawn on him what the financial implications are for him and how easy he had it. Prepare yourself for further desperate attempts at communication from him.

You are well rid. Can't believe he treated you like that for so many years!

I've had my barrel changed at the front now so he can't get in at all. He can't come because I'm changing the name

Reynolds you are doing so well.
Are you managing to eat a bit better?

OMG, he has some serious issues. Stay strong. Youve seen right through him now.

A bit I've lost about five pounds and I was only 8.2 anyway so can't afford to be losing this weight makes me look ill I'm only five feet so not to bad but it's very hard to eat I'm eating as I have to

If nothing else try to eat cereal, porridge lots of toast and soup with crusty bread or something.

You are doing well. You will get there and be stronger for it xx

Reynolds you're fabulous!! Your children will thank you for this. I would ring 101 and report the driving past - they may speak to him they may not but if have it on record anyway. As for the £40, seriously? What a tosser. Start planning for your holiday and bright & beautiful future 😊

You have done so well. You really need to start eating properly, I read that eating carbs releases endorphins so it makes you feel better. Whatever your favorite food is, eat that + chocolate.

£40, it should be £40,000 which is still less than if he paid his own rent at £600pcm for 6 years. Why is he saying sorry and asking forgiveness? Does he even know why you have ended the relationship?

I read that eating carbs releases endorphins so it makes you feel better. Whatever your favorite food is, eat that + chocolate.
Yes! Yes it does! 😃 I'm always happy when I've had a slice of good toasted bread with butter(ish) with cheese or peanut butter or scrambled eggs. I'd also try drinking a large cup of cocoa with ground cinnamon and/or nutmeg so you get the hit of chocolate and the calcium in the milk. These always make me feel content and relaxed. The protein content as well as carbs is also great for your metabolism. Go you OP!

What does it for me is 100 cups of tea a day with a dozen packets of biscuits. Plus vitamin tablets or Berocca!
But seriously the drive pasts are a bit concerning, not sure what to advise here OP.

Aaahhh thanks everyone I am trying hard when I don't want to eat no appetite hopefully I will be ok soon and feel better

It will be easier to eat and drink properly once everything is a bit more settled and you have got rid of the paperwork/tool (referring to the eqipment in the outhouse, not the Parsimonious Person). Unfortunately, I do the opposite if I am stressed. Happynow001's suggestions made me feel very hungry! Well done for managing so fantastically

You couldn't make him up - 40 quid!!! And "Get yourself something nice". He has woefully underestimated you Reynolds. I'm glad he's done this actually because it's one more thing to think about any time you might be having a wobble which after this is probably never!

@Reynolds1212 I've just read your whole thread and wanted to say how well you've done and coped with what's been a difficult situation.

Don't beat yourself up about how long he's got away with treating you like this. It's very much a case of the boiled frog. Dump a frog into boiling water and it will justo straight out, put a frog in cold water and heat up slowly and it will stay in the water and boil to death. People like him don't start off being abusive arseholes they keep the real person hidden for ages and little by little they turn from the nice person you think they are into the dickhead you end up with! They also don't also always show you the twatish behaviour, they make sure to give you little crumbs of attention and promises of the future to make you think they are sincere.

If you have any doubts about whether you were right remember that you lost £55 when he moved in all those years ago (and single persons council tax reductions) so in all probability the freeloader has actually been entirely living off you and taking money away from your lovely DC's this whole time.

Phone the company with who you booked the tickets they will tell you how much it is to change it

youre the lead on the booking so it wont be a problem

asking if we can talk and he will do more

and card asking him to forgive you (£40 )

You see, Reynolds? HE KNEW. HE KNEW that he was exploiting you

• and THAT is why you mustn't weaken. Why? Because this is who he is. It is not up to you to 'try to change him' (you can't).

His switch is set to 'I must use idiot women to get what I want, they exist only for my benefit and lets see how much I can get away with'.

So life with him would be a constant battle of HIM WINNING because that is what abusive men are like.

There are lots of kind generous men out there OP. Don't weaken. The longer you don't see him, the easier it gets (but you have to go through the hell and sadness and pain first). Remember this to stay strong: he is STEALING off you and your children.

Does he even know why you have ended the relationship?

This is the thing that is so hard to accept. I read it first in Lundy Bancroft and still found it hard to believe:

THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. That means, THEY ARE DOING IT DELIBERATELY.

How could anyone be so mean and sadistic? How could anyone deliberately treat another person as an appliance or resource to be extracted? But as we see from Reynolds, it gets them really nice benefits.

In this case, £42,000 with sex and domestic services thrown in.