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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 28/05/2019 21:58

Wow, I have just read the whole thread and have to say how impressed I am with you OP. It's great that you saw through this twat, how dare he treat you so badly. It sounds like he wasn't just abusing you financially but emotionally too.

Concentrate on yourself and your lovely kids, they sound great! Very best wishes to you. Let us know how you're getting on.

WellThisIsShit · 31/05/2019 16:46

Hope you’re doing ok OP, just wanted to say I’ve been thinking of you xxx

BentBaastard · 02/06/2019 09:44

Wow!
Just read the whole thread and posting to say how amazing I think you are.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 02/06/2019 14:32

He pays £70 per week for rent, bills, council tax, food...bloody hell hes onto a good thing isn't he?!
And he's saying he's saving his money for a mortgage well you can be sure it'll never be your house and no doubt you'll be expected to put in half of everything as well as support your kids and yourself.
Wake up

Thingsdogetbetter · 02/06/2019 14:49

Read the thread! He's gone. She rocks!

Sonicknuckles · 02/06/2019 14:56

He is taking you for a ride big time. What a bastard. You need to bin him.

Sonicknuckles · 02/06/2019 14:57

Oh sorry just seen updates

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 02/06/2019 15:04

Sorry just seen the updates!! Good for you hope you are ok

BentBaastard · 02/06/2019 15:43

@ineedtostopbeingsolazy

If you did stop being so bloody lazy and RTFT, you would realise that surprisingly after 784 messages, things have changed.

Idiot.

Sonicknuckles · 02/06/2019 17:16

Just rude

BentBaastard · 02/06/2019 22:52

Same for you @Sonicknuckles

NightOwl101 · 05/06/2019 17:09

How are you OP?

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 21:51

I am sorry I have not posted on this thread for awhile my XP came here a few days ago as he had post to collect. I stupidly had left my front door unlocked as everything was so quiet from his end apart from the drive bys and i had not long been the shops I never locked it it's quiet where I Live I wasn't expecting it I was in the garden. He came in and was like sorry the door was open as I have one of those double glazed doors. He was being nice at first asking how the kids were etc when he started taking about getting back together I told him no I was alright now and happier alone with the kids. Then he started going on & on about my phone saying it was the phones fault that I use it to much and grabbed the phone and smashed that up and he punched me as well.
Can't describe how I feel I'm broken in myself I had to run out of my gate to get away from him and to my neighbour and rang the police. I got a warning at work as they said I'm under performing I'm to ashamed to say the truth to them about what is going on so I just took the warning it's my first one there and I have lost time as well . I feel broken inside and now I've been signed off work by the doctor because I keep crying all the time he got arrested and let out again so he's got away with it. I never thought he would hit me but he did out the blue like that it left a bruise straight away where do I go from here I need help

OP posts:
Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 21:56

I feel like the police did nothing to really help me I don't feel safe I've got nowhere to go and I can't because of work and the kids school etc my friend stayed two nights but she had to go home now.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/06/2019 21:57

Thanks phone woman's aid they can help you.

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 05/06/2019 22:00

Another vote for contacting women's aid. They can provide support and help with safety planning x

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:00

I can go into a refuge but what will happen with my stuff and the rent here I just don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
SAHMlikeitHOT · 05/06/2019 22:05

So sorry about what has happened. Please try to get local support. I think you should let work know (confidentially). Best wishes

BumbleBeee69 · 05/06/2019 22:06

Jesus OP I'm so sorry to hear what his filth did to you ... I agree.. phone Womens Aid now... Flowers

overdrive · 05/06/2019 22:13

Tell your work. It's far better that they know. As it stands, they probably think you've taken time off sick because of the warning. That won't help you at all.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:14

I will try and respond but I'm using my sons phone at the minute till I get a new one.

OP posts:
LellyMcKelly · 05/06/2019 22:16

Vile, horrible, excuse for a man. You are amazing, and have been so strong. Go to your boss and tell them what is going on. They may be able to provide a bit of extra support for a bit or at least cut you some slack. Contact Woman’s Aid too - take all the help you can to get you over this hump. People who care about you will want to provide support so just tell them what’s been happening.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:16

I am just going to phone my HR department and tell them what has happened and they will tell my manager I can't face going through with it him he isn't the easiest of people to talk to. They have good measures in place at work for mental health etc so I'm sure I will be ok once I talk to them I think.

OP posts:
Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:18

I just can't believe how he punched me I was defenceless I did nothing to deserve it my sons were so so upset my middle one was crying my heart is broken badly I cry all the time it's very hard

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 05/06/2019 22:18

I'm so sorry to read this. Tell work the truth as soon as you are able. Keep trying women's aid. Other wiser posters will be along with more advice.