Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:22

I just wish I could feel better about things but I can't right now I feel helpless. What if he attack's me again he's done it once now hasn't he. I'm scared

OP posts:
overdrive · 05/06/2019 22:22

OP, you did nothing to deserve or cause any of this. It's all him. All of it. You can hold your head high, believe me.

I am beyond disgusted that he wasn't charged for assaulting you, especially in front of your children. Truly appalling.

overdrive · 05/06/2019 22:24

You don't give him the chance. He never sets foot on your property ever again. And the police have his name on record now. He so much as breathes on your garden gate, you call them.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:25

He's been charged but he's released but they said might not go to court either so I don't know yet what will happen to him.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 05/06/2019 22:27

Was he not charged? Assault and criminal damage? How is this possible?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 05/06/2019 22:29

Oh cross post. He won't go to court? He punched you and destroyed your phone. Something has to happen. You need a restraining order. He can't be allowed near you ever again.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:30

He's been charged but he's been let out now.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 05/06/2019 22:33

I hope you get through to women's aid ASAP.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:34

I'm going to sleep now I'm so exhausted from it all my eyes sting 24.7 at the moment. I will post again and let you know what is happening I should have a phone this week off my insurance. Goodnight everyone sorry I didn't have a more positive post for you all I wish I did believe me.

OP posts:
Willows991 · 05/06/2019 22:35

@Reynolds, they usually let them out unless they have no place to go. You need to see a solicitor and get an injunction against him, so he cannot come near you or to your home.

Lots of law firms can give you free one hour consultation. You do not need to leave your home, but go and get legal advice.

www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:37

Do I have to pay for an injunction

OP posts:
AnotherExWife · 05/06/2019 22:41

Women's Aid or your local domestic violence charity can offer advice and help you to get a non molestation order from court. I had to get one to stop my ex husband returning to the house or approaching me or my children.

Willows991 · 05/06/2019 22:43

It depends, it's worth finding out. It should not be a lot. It's your best option. Do not allow anyone to drive you and your children out of your home.

Also, he is released on conditions that he is not to come near you. Don't worry about him coming to your house again. Find out about the injunction and do it.

Reynolds1212 · 05/06/2019 22:45

Ok I feel slightly better I can do that I have some control as he was still driving past now and again before this.
I had some options other then leaving my kids love the house they would hate to be uprooted it's not fair on them.
They love me so much I know I've done the right thing for them even though this has happened I've done the right thing for us

OP posts:
crinklebook · 05/06/2019 22:52

@Reynolds1212 if you call NCDV they will help you with I junction. They will take a statement, send you the documents and you just send them on. It's worth doing.

Women's aid amazing too!

Willows991 · 05/06/2019 22:56

@Reynolds, you have done the right thing. It's not fair for your children to see you suffering like you were suffering. Find out about the injunction, he will have to find alternatives routes and not drive past your house.

He used you so much that he is now missing it, he is not missing you, just what you were doing for him. Do not allow him to win, you stay in your home.

Atalune · 05/06/2019 23:02

I just read your whole thread.

Have you had the locks changed? Do that tomorrow.

You poor poor woman, he’s a dreadful awful man.

Call Women’s Aid. And if you want to talk call The Samaritans this eve.

EKGEMS · 06/06/2019 01:41

I hope and pray he suffers ten times how much you have,Reynolds! I think he may be onto your thread if he's blaming your phone,perhaps? You're so brave! Do tell your HR department so they can assist you-you've nothing to be ashamed love!

RantyAnty · 06/06/2019 05:36

I'm sorry about you being assaulted by that pos. Flowers

Just barging in your house like that. I'm glad he was arrested and charged.

Also glad you are speaking to your work about what is going on.

Please seek out the resources as others have suggested. You'll get the no molestation order and he'll be arrested if he bothers you again.

You're doing great and your DC are doing better too without him. hugs

madmumofteens · 06/06/2019 06:46

So sorry to hear your update OP what a horrible excuse for a man!! There's lots of great advice here take good care of yourself 💐

squiglet111 · 06/06/2019 07:15

I am so sorry Flowers

Did he do this Infront of your kids? Maybe social services should be informed as he could be a danger to his own kids. The prick needs to feel the consequence. Inform his ex as well. She needs to know what a dangerous man he is too.

Maybe go back to the police and tell them you feel scared and see if they can help?

How did he get in to the house? Had the locks been changed?

I hope things get better soon

Grainedmonkey · 06/06/2019 07:24

Hi OP, I've just caught up with what's happened and I am so sorry.
I'm concerned your work are not being sympathetic enough, you deserve support from them not a warning. How did you get on with HR?
If the kids are struggling I'd let school know (you don't need to tell them all the personal details) just say that there are some problems at home , school will keep an eye on how they are coping.
Stay strong and keep the doors locked.

Redred2429 · 06/06/2019 09:41

Stay strong op you are doing so well and doing the right thing for you and your boys

minniemoll · 06/06/2019 09:48

You can get locks for UPVC doors which lock as soon as you close them, I think they're called split spindle. They don't lock all the locking points, but the latch won't open from the outside, just the inside.

ChimesAtMidnight · 06/06/2019 10:43

Reynolds1212 - minniemoll is right - it's a split spindle lock you need. I have one; the door can't be opened from outside even when unlocked.
If you're anywhere near north London there is a very good womens' charity who may help.

Swipe left for the next trending thread