Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 22/05/2019 21:48

I hope the sex is good because I can't see what other use you would have for him.

GabsAlot · 22/05/2019 21:48

What an insult post it back to him no note just blank

Hellywelly10 · 22/05/2019 21:54

Sorry op I'm being an idiot. Only read the front page. Well done op, you deserve so much moreFlowers

nettie434 · 22/05/2019 22:00

I'm with mcmooberry too - so pleased to see your update. Another day is another step nearer to a better life. You don't need that £40 - you've probably already saved that on washing, food, showers etc

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/05/2019 22:05

£40 sodding quid? How dare he! Goodness me, it must be tough realising that you've got to put on your big boy boxers and pay proper bills and rent like a grown up Hmm. Keep on keeping on OP, you're doing great...you are SO much better off without him Flowers

RandomMess · 22/05/2019 22:08

I'd use it to change his name on the holiday to someone else's Grin

timeisnotaline · 22/05/2019 22:12

You do sound happier op.
40 fucking pounds Shock.

fedup21 · 22/05/2019 22:15

What an arse-£40!!?

RandomMess · 22/05/2019 22:15

"Something nice for the holiday" yep someone different coming with us Wink

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 22/05/2019 22:21

Arshole! I'd buy myself some nice wine with it on the holiday. You're doing so well. Do NOT contact him! He does NOT love you, he loves his money, his punching bag (you) and his nearly free ride (yours, at the expense of your kids). You and your kids are so much better off without that lying leech who doesn't even pay up for his kids in your lives.

Wittsendargh · 22/05/2019 22:35

I get that they're not his kids, so therefore shouldn't have to pay. But I'm almost certain that if he didn't live with you, you would be entitled to tax credits which would provide you with more than £70 a week!

When my partner moved in with me, my tax credits stopped. For a year he would give me £130 a week towards bills. But at some point we sat down and discussed that as we were in a committed relationship, and therefore a family unit, everything had to go halves. This included school uniform, trips, Christmas presents etc. And it's been like that for 8 years. You need to discuss it with him OP. Yes they're not his kids, but he's living with you as their step dad and he therefore needs to step up!

Auntpetunia2015 · 22/05/2019 22:39

£40 quid...yeah mate that will pay for new locks so you can’t get in! Thanks

Bloody cheeky fucker!

lifebegins50 · 22/05/2019 23:01

He hasn't understood at all, he views everything as transactional rather than the partnership. Had he said "I will share everything with you so you don't stress over money" it might have made you reconsider but chucking £40 is "compensation for his horrible behaviour.

Being a single parent is definitely better than living with a awful partner. Just recall how he came into your house, ranting about the car. At least you don't have to deal with that

madeofstarlight · 22/05/2019 23:22

I've been following and quietly cheering you on but just HAVE to comment on your most recent update. £40?!?!?! I think that confirms the point you've been making, he's not got a clue.

PickAChew · 22/05/2019 23:46

Yeah thanks for the £40. Keep on Fucking Off.

CaptainJaneway62 · 23/05/2019 00:37

He's given you £40!! It's an suit to your intelligence OP.
Because he left you so short of money you will need to use it for food more than likely.
I bet he's told his parents he's given you £400!
Tell him to go to hell the manipulative bastard!!

RantyAnty · 23/05/2019 01:29

@ whatthehe11

That's exactly how I saw it too. £40 for his usual "half" if you let him move back in tomorrow.

OP, you do seem happier and more confident already not having that leeching ball and chain around you.

Gooseysgirl · 23/05/2019 07:42

Stay strong OP - you are doing brilliant!!! Keep checking in here xxx

PompeyBez · 23/05/2019 07:53

£40!!Shock
Zero is less insulting than £40! He really is a piece of work!

Treaclesweet · 23/05/2019 07:55

The tight fucking arsehole, obviously he knows he's using money as a means of control! Where was this generosity when he was living with you!

You should get yourself something nice for your holiday though and enjoy it with your DC. You're doing so well OP!

Grainedmonkey · 23/05/2019 08:48

£40 fucking quid OMG. OP this is the first time I have actually laughed reading this thread, in fact nearly wet myself. The thing is he will genuinely think that this is a truly generous gift and makes up for everything , but it's a fucking insult!

He really doesn't get it and he never will. I wonder how long it took him to decide on that amount ? Anyway, spend it, give it back , whatever, I don't think it matters., You could give it to the kids and tell him it's to make up for the pocket money shortfall compared to his kids from the the last holiday.

I hope this 'gesture' has consolidated your feelings OP i.e you are absolutely doing the right thing dumping him.

Power on, we are with you.

MrsDilligaf · 23/05/2019 09:59

Same here GrainedMonkey I snorted!

Reynolds 40 quid is just a bloody insult.

"here, little lady, sorry I've been a twat, here's a few quid... Go and buy yourself a nice dress, that'll cheer you up. Let's forget all this silliness. I'll be back at 6 for my tea"

Jog on pal. Jog on.

Flowers
Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 23/05/2019 13:51

Ahahaha haha!

FOURTY POUNDS

What a delusional plonker...

Troels · 23/05/2019 14:07

I was going to suggest using the £40 towards changing the booking to someone elses name. LOL

ErrmWTAF · 23/05/2019 14:44

I like the backdated "pocket money" suggestion.