MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

@Reynolds1212 Hope you are doing ok and well done on getting this cocklodger out of your life...FFS £280 per month and he thinks that should cover rent, bills and food. What a complete 'cee u next Tuesday'!!

Keep strong!! XX

Also just checking in to see how things are. I hope you've managed to sort things out today and have seen the last of that rabid cocklodger. I hope you're getting some RL support. Please let us know how you're doing when you're ready

Don't weaken Reynolds, just keep going no contact.

The longer the silence, the more you get 'you' back, the more you realise how HORRIBLE he was.

Don't let him back in.

How have things been today op?

More best wishes being sent your way - stay strong - you can do this. I have been financially exploited and it's not easy to cope with - but the feeling of control when you do escape is so worth it.

I am worried there's been no update. I do hope all is OK.

Sorry everyone I wrote a reply last night but I must not of pressed send by mistake. I am doing ok his Dad did come yesterday after work with his sister to get his stuff they had and took 90% of it he's got to come back just for this one tool thing he has now as it's quite big and they had no room last night.
It was all quite amicable everything was ready so they wasn't here that long and I didn't really converse with them. He was texting my sons phone and asking him to pass on msg to talk me I had to block him off that phone too. I haven't spoken to him ,but not sleeping much or eating. Work was very hard yesterday aswell. I don't know what he does with his money he hasn't always earnt what he earns now but he's always had a good wage since I met him but he did buy a brand new car and van out of his money aswell. I'm doing ok though I guess Thankyou for caring about me .

You’re doing great OP! How are you feeling? How are your sons? Hope you’re ok. You’ve definitely done the right thing!

PS if you’re struggling try writing down a list of all the crap you put up with when you were with him and keep it in your pocket / bag. Whenever you feel low, just read it! X

KOKO

Totally understandable that you are feeling so flat and deflated and it may feel that there is nothing to look forward to - but there is! Your holiday and at some point in the future, a relationship with a generous spirited person. You didn't overreact and if you were spurred on by the outrage towards him on here then good! I rarely advise anyone to split up a family here especially when it's often not so easy financially but he didn't treat you or your children as family so I felt 100% happy agreeing he has to go. Thinking about you, there can't be many people who haven't felt that horrible low feeling when a relationship ends so we know how you feel xx

Is he going to live with his dad then now? Was the dad being ok to you?

Glad you're still going strong Reynolds, it may not feel like it but you're doing great.

In terms of the booked holiday. Does he know what time the flights are? I'm wondering whether he will turn up at the airport.

OP keep blocking him and letting yourself take in what he was doing financial abuse and his crazy reaction now.

No doubt he will continue to say it's you in the wrong to his family and friends, but he isn't going to turn around and tell the truth is he. Therefore there is no point talking with him and every reason to block and move on.

So glad you've updated OP. Your reaction is perfectly normal, particularly as you are also dealing with the shock of realising how abusive this relationship was. You've been running on adrenalin and that will subside now and can give you a bit of a "crash". Try and make sure you eat something regularly, get some fresh air, see your GP if you need to. I wonder if you might benefit from some counselling going forward. I hope your kids are OK. Keep posting here for some support. You're a

He's not just tight, he's taking the mick. I have never heard anything like it. My brother is currently living back home and he pays my mum way more than £70 and he is happy to give her a lift anytime.

Wow OP good for you. I'm so proud of you. You deserve so much better. I'm glad you chucked him out. I hope you and the boys are okay. Sending you all hugs. When you heal and feel happy again, you will meet a lovely man.

Well done OP.
It's hard - really really hard.
But... you will get through it.
Keep your sugar levels up and keep yourself hydrated.
Sugary tea and ice-lollies got me through a good few weeks.
Solids would not stay down.
Try to look after yourself.
Keep busy.
Lean on friends and family - they want to help you!

Glad to read your update Reynolds1212. Things will get better. Here is a virtual from me.

His dad was ok I find the whole family a bit strange if I'm honest their all really weird with money his dad had to give me a fiver once as I was short in the shop with him and a month later he asked me for it back lol I had totally forgot he lent it to me till he asked for it back. They think he's giving me more that what he tells them like extra when I need it probably but he doesn't and when he did I had to beg.
He has no idea what time or probably what day the holiday is on because I booked it so I know he's not going to let that go he will want his money for that he just knows it's in July. He msg me today on instagram I don't even really use that app very rarely so I never blocked him on it as I don't use it but he is struggling to contact me at this point asking if we can talk and he will do more I never responded it is hard as I think maybe he would change but deep down I know he won't not in the long run maybe for a little while but not long term. I've just got home now very long day everyone at work is saying I'm quiet but I haven't said what has happened I don't want all the questions

OP stay strong and don't give him an inch, he's trying to worm his way back into a cushy and for him lucrative number.

Anyone who would see you struggling for 6 long years and then have the brass neck to ask for petrol money while he's rolling in dough doesn't have the capacity for change.

He will do more?

He has had 6 years to treat you and tour children with respect and love. He shouldn't have to be putting effort in to do that, it's pretty basic and should be coming naturally if he truly cared.

I think maybe he would change

OP NO. He definitely won't change but he will have a bloody good try at convincing you he will. Please resist and stick to your guns. Reach out here for support if you feel a wobble coming on!

He will NOT change. This is who he is! He is a person who fucks over his own children on maintenance! This is what he does. All he cares about is himself and his money. Block him on Insta, too. DO NOT REPLY. He is abusive and using very classic tactics of abusers, which is worm his way back in. It's called a cycle of abuse for a reason.