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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
CaptainJaneway62 · 19/05/2019 11:48

Could you arrange for your brother to come over and help you get all his stuff together and hire a local man and a van to take it all to his dads?

mcmooberry · 19/05/2019 11:49

What an upsetting, unsettling nightmare for you but you are over the worst of it, he has been told and realises you mean it.
If at any point you have a wobble - an you won't because your eyes have been opened - just remember he tried to charge you, his partner of 6 years, £10 to take your child to hospital. In a way thank goodness he did that otherwise you might have stuck with him for another 6 years.

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 11:50

My oldest son was there he's quite quiet he stayed upstairs bless him but when he went he said I feel so sorry for you mom you don't deserve that made me cry to be honest.
The police didn't seem to care and said to call if he does it again this isn't over I can tell and he knows I've had an outside influence he kept saying who have you been slagging me off too why you doing this etc
He was like is there someone else tell me the truth I said no there's no one else we just aren't right for each other he can't accept it I don't know why.
His crying was false too he never cries a tiny part felt sorry till the rage as I've been with him a long time I guess I want to believe a good person is inside but I don't think it is.
His dad will have to get his stuff and that is what I said I'm happy for his dad to come he was trying to take stuff he hadn't even bought or what his put half too like my garden furniture ffs I wasn't letting him have that because he put half to it.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 19/05/2019 11:50

So sorry this has happened to you, but it was all to be expected from this type of man. At least you have now seen the full extent of his utter selfishness and hatred for you - except as cash cow.

Take the advice above, and please try to get family/friends support today Flowers

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 11:53

No he's never admitted he doesn't pay enough he thinks it the earth he brings it up I give you £70 a week the money is the by the by now because it's the relationship as a whole as I'm on my own with everything if you know what I mean .

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 19/05/2019 11:54

He can't believe what a strong woman you've become - and what a prick, thinking there must be someone else! nah mate - just your own vile, cocklodging actions have finally led to this!

squiglet111 · 19/05/2019 11:55

Wow what a dick trying to take furniture! The cheek!

I suggest you film him if he ever comes by again. Filming him will at least make him awake of how he's acting.

Does he have much stuff? Are his tools inside your house?

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 11:55

He came in the van clearly about to clear me out he's a bastard and thinks I'm going to just let him do that he can take what he rightfully paid for all his tools and tv and belongings but he isn't taking things he contributed a little bit towards no way that's when it escalated.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 19/05/2019 11:56

WE know what you mean - but men like this just don't get it. They have a penis, and are therefore godlike Confused

squiglet111 · 19/05/2019 11:56

*Aware not awake

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 11:56

He literally has bought nothing he got me a washing machine off his mom and a coffee table and wanted to take those as well.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 19/05/2019 11:58

He's a shit dad to deliberately put his child through that. But it confirms the only person that really matters to him is himself.
Try not to speak to him ever again. He is only out for himself and is angry at you for even daring to challenged that and put yourself and your kids first.

RandomMess · 19/05/2019 11:58

Just checking you can lock him out then change the locks tomorrow can't you?

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 11:59

I think he tried to get in and couldn't as well if he could if I would of come home to nothing yesterday because my letterbox wasn't on the back of the letterbox was on the floor in the hall. Anyway hopefully his dad comes today and takes his stuff that's what I've instructed and text his dad to do.

OP posts:
squiglet111 · 19/05/2019 11:59

I'm worried he's going to try and turn up tomorrow when youre at work. Are you able to take some days off? Can you get your brother to be there with you for a day or two? Or there when his stuff is taken out?

squiglet111 · 19/05/2019 12:03

You think he would have got in if you didn't get there? So if you didn't turn up he wouldn't have done the crying face and would have taken all your stuffShock prick!

Was the coffee table from his mum too? Was the washing machine second hand?

Bet he will ask for his £70 back soon enough!

What a tight fisted dickhead

Butterymuffin · 19/05/2019 12:04

Until you've got the locks changed, keep the front door locked and bolted, goout the back and always keep the back door key actually on you, so in your pocket.

somuchinfo · 19/05/2019 12:05

Get rid ASAP!

poglets · 19/05/2019 12:08

Well done OP.

You've got rid of him, and for his ten pounds a day you've actually now moved in to profit. What a leach and weasel of a man he is. Stay strong. Wine

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 19/05/2019 12:13

I can't really have time off at the moment as they paid me for a week when I was off with my son with his op. I'm off the following week too for half term..if I give his stuff back today surely he will leave it I hope

OP posts:
bringbacksideburns · 19/05/2019 12:18

Can you get out of work tomorrow? You need to sort this.

Get a family member to stay over tonight if you are shaky.

If this isn't an example that you are doing the right thing I don't know what is
And what an absolutely shit father and role model he is. He deliberately brought his child round too because he thought you'd feel guilty and change your mind.

Change locks.
Get rid of all the rest of his stuff today. Arrange for it to be dropped off so he has no excuse to return.

If he turns up ring Police. Get someone to stay with you. Do not get into any dialogue with him full stop.

I said no there's no one else we just aren't right for each other he can't accept it I don't know why. because as he's already said, you won't find anyone better than him will you? And you've been his meal ticket for 6 long years.
What a clown.

fedup21 · 19/05/2019 12:22

He was punching the glass through on the back door

Is the glass completely broken?

How do you get in with his dad-can you ring him and get him to collect the twat’s stuff today then you’ll be less worried about leaving the house tomorrow. I’d be worried he break in and take all my stuff-he doesn’t sound rational.

timeisnotaline · 19/05/2019 12:31

Good on you for holding firm. I think others advice to ring the domestic violence officer or a women’s shelter is good advice. I’d also photograph all your rooms , plus close ups of tv coffee table and garden furniture, and his tools. Unbelievable doing that in front of everyone’s children- I really hope the dv person cares if he was punching glass in in front of them.

fghkhfdryjkv · 19/05/2019 12:31

Op can you get some cctv? He can't be breaking into your house and stealing your stuff.

Janus · 19/05/2019 12:41

I thought exactly the same - take a photo of every room incase he does break in and take stuff. I’d also ring the police that came and say he’s threatened to take pieces of your furniture and what should you do? It will be on some sort of record then?? I also have a feeling the domestic abuse people can arrange a locksmith the same day so they could get someone to you today, strongly advise ringing them and asking.