MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

I think I used to get £55 a week in tax credit around that may have changed now though.

There are no more tax credits for new claimants. It is all Universal Credit (UC) now, there'a minimum 5 week wait after you claim and if you are eligible for anything, which you might not be, the threshold is really low, it'll be assistance with childcare costs, even housing benefit is now UC. What you will get is single occupant rate on your council tax.

I'd just get him gone. All his shit out, change the locks and block him completely from your life.

He is abusive cunt. You are not the first person he's abused. He will never see what he's done because he's abusive and doesn't care.

Please make sure you have people round when he comes to get his stuff, that he cannot re-enter the house, and take advise given about keeping a record of his abuse.

I think I'd send one message along the lines of "I told you, we are finished. You can pick up your stuff on (day of your choice) at (time of your choice). Do not contact me again".

That way, if it gets nasty you have evidence that you have made your position clear and told him not to contact you. He has already abused you financially and emotionally (and been very aggressive towards you) so there's no reason to believe that he will suddenly develop a sense of decency and behave well now. Your local police station should have someone trained to deal with domestic abuse of all kinds and it might be worth speaking to them about ways to minimise your risk and when to call the police.

When he comes for his stuff, is there someone who can be there with you? Or better still, someone who can communicate directly with him and get his stuff out of there (perhaps drop it at his dad's house). While his stuff is still there he will see it as a reason to turn up whenever he feels like it and he may use this to maintain contact, even just to annoy or intimidate you.

I've had to come out the party I started crying in there when someone asked if I'm ok now I can't stop crying I'm in the carrbe kids are inside I think it's hitting me how I've let someone do this to me and I think we'll be never loved me Cos u put people you love before you and he never does I'm always last on the list.

You need to stop focusing on some guy 'loving you' and on yourself and your kids. You sound like you have a co-dependency issue.

Everything he contacts you respond with the and big standard post

Our relationship is finished, I don’t want to see you again. Do not contact me again.
Your belongings are in the entryway and your are welcome to collect your tools.

Over and over again until he gets the message

Well done OP

"I have made it clear I do not want any contact. Do not contact me again. Any further contact at all will be reported to the police as harassment."

Send once and if he replies report.

If he keeps contacting you from that point on it is legally considered harassment - you must report at this stage!

Never think you're botheirjng the police about feeing scared and threatened - it's their job (dad was a Bobby) and they HATE jumped up little gobshites who think they can outsmart them.

The PC who initially dealt with my case said he did everything he could to make it stop and always kept his sisters in mind and how he'd feel if someone was making them scared, as it motivates him to do the best he could by me. I'm so grateful.

Follow through on it OP. Easier to do it now than later I promise.

Fucksake elsa

This is not going to be easy but it will be worthwhile.

You’ve worked out that deserve better and that he does not care about you or your children.

That’s a huge thing to get your head around and you have done so well.

Now is the time to just keep going. Of course you will cry. You have to grieve for the life you wanted, but keep clear in your head the life you actually had with him. A man that would charge you petroleum money to take you to visit your sick child. He was not kind or loving or right for you.

Deep breaths. You can do this. In a few months time you will be not believe how much better and happier you are, I promise you that. I promise you.

Focus on the practicalities and your children and be kind to yourself. Treat yourself gently. Try to block your negative self talk by thinking about how you are improving your life.

I’m rooting for you and your lads 💐

*petrol. Bloody autocorrect 😫

You can block him if you need to . You don’t have to read any messages you don’t want to. Stop planning who will or won’t love you.

You need to now be on your own to recover.

Find a close friend in rl to talk to as well

Don't respond. Get all his stuff together. Get your brother to take it. Then he has absolutely no reason to come back.
The sooner you sort that out the better.
Stay strong. It's hard now but it won't stay that way.

As I said before. Do not respond. Do not get dragged in to dialogue with him and a slanting match. Block him.Get rid of his stuff now.

He may possibly message you eventually to say how much he cares for you etc dont fall for it.

I'd rather be on my own then supporting a selfish arrogant overgrown teenager who only cares about himself.

Do you have his Dads address and phone number?

I would get some helpers over and drop his stuff over at his Dads.

It’s no surprise that you are upset OP, you have just escaped from an abuser, your reaction is normal.

So you lost £55 in tax credits and he gave you £70 per week? So in effect you were funding him on £15 per week.

Oh OP he really did a number on you I'm so sorry for you.

Too right you deserve a cry in the car, it's absolutely awful.

But, you've got your strength now - women are amazingly strong and you will forge a great life and thank god you escaped this loser.

I know it's hard when you thought someone loved you but look at all the support you've had here - all these people rooting for you. I'm sure in RL you'll get great support from family and friends. You sound like a nice person.

If you lost £55 in tax credits plus the single persons council tax discount then you lost more than you gained. that's before he's even eaten a single bit of bread in the house.

Of course you are upset, but you are doing the right thing, for you and your dc.

It's ok to cry and feel upset. Six years is a long time to give to someone who did not deserve your love. It's a huge thing to cope with in just 24 hours or so. It will get better. It's not just you but your children who are going to benefit in the long run. [Flowers]

Sing it op! You’re my hero! Xxx

m.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPQZni7I18

If you’re so toxic and abusive he’ll surely be happy to be free of you then op? Ignore him! You’ve done the right thing. As others have said, you should now get single person allowance on your council tax - plus you’ll save on the electricity/water/food he was consuming. I think you’ll find you are much better off in more ways than one without him! You can do this!

I love your bravery-you are strong to be out of your parental home at 16 and to be a single mom that loves and protects her children! So many women don't have the spine to leave an abusive partner! Please look up the freedom program or chumplady its awesome! Stay strong!

If you want to keep the telly you should. Rent in kind.

You've got this. You did the hardest part you just need to stick with it. I imagine you will get some tax credits money on your wage and I reason with that and minus the extra council tax, food, electric, water etc you'll be much more comfortable financially and far far happier.

You can do this. It will hurt but you can do it.

I'd keep the telly for rent arrears but I understand if yo dont eant to get in a row about it

I second getting your brother t ake his stuff round to the dads

You are likely to have to go through uc now so do put claim in ASAP due to wait in payments

Give him his telly back once you’ve put a brick through it...