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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 18/05/2019 11:17

Glad youre ok keep busy and do as you said lock up and go out the back way so he cant get in

Starlight456 · 18/05/2019 11:21

I am glad you got some sleep . Yes to eating . You will feel amazing soon but it’s all a bit of shock right now.

Reynolds1212 · 18/05/2019 11:22

Yes I will go the back way there's to back access on the house I can leave from and he doesn't have the back keys or the gate keys either there here so he can't get in .

OP posts:
LazyLizzy · 18/05/2019 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 18/05/2019 11:45

@LazyLizzy pity these lowlife men don't put kids first. Also, lone mothers are people too, and many crave companionship. Easy to fall down an abusive rabbit hole.Some women become so ground down they put up with shit like this for a lifetime. OP has wised up, and is to be congratulated.

longtimelurkerhelen · 18/05/2019 13:08

Hope you have a good time at the party, try to relax a bit.

pickingdaisies · 18/05/2019 13:11

Hi Reynolds, glad you got some sleep, I'm hoping you've eaten something, piece of toast maybe, and now you're getting ready to go to the party. Keep your useless ex outside, and don't answer his texts. You're doing amazingly well, you can keep on being strong. You really can.

GummyGoddess · 18/05/2019 13:19

Time to start filling in forms for things like council tax reduction.

You have done well, you will be better off without this leech around.

heymacarenaay · 18/05/2019 13:26

Who gives a shit what he says. He's an aggressive cocklodger. You're well rid. Make sure you have someone with you when he comes to get his tools. The police would be a good idea.

OhamIreally · 18/05/2019 13:33

You are well rid indeed!
Best news is it's your house, you don't have kids with him and you never have to speak to him or look at his tight arse face again!

Reynolds1212 · 18/05/2019 13:38

Well the bombardment has started he can't have one night without me ruining it and spoiling it and we could of gone out today with the kids he's so full of shit cos we wouldn't of done anything today with the kids and I'm a toxic person and I'm abusive yeah ok.
I have not responded because he wants that he wants to turn it all. Well his shit is still in my entry not collected nothing I've got to leave now speak later

OP posts:
category12 · 18/05/2019 13:44

Block him

ThatCurlyGirl · 18/05/2019 13:44

Keep a record of everything with times and dates.

Messages, emails, visits etc.

Yes you'll have them anyway on each platform but keeping a timeline eg Tuesday xx may, 830pm harassing texts inc word cunt and evil

Etc etc

It saves the time spent by the police having to make quick decisions as to whether there's a case for harassment and to what extent.

Everyone's experience is different of course but I was told personally by the police that this was really helpful to have in one place.

Also grey rock. Absolutely if you absolutely have to reply then be absolutely neutral. "Please do not contact me unless about the children. Any other contact will be considered harassment and I will call the police to report it."

Do. Not. Bite.

TowelNumber42 · 18/05/2019 13:44

Don't even read the messages.

He could have been the world's nicest man last night but unless that came with him giving you your half of the savings then it wouldn't be worth shit.

I reckon you'll be astonished at how much more money and time you'll have now you don't have an overgrown teenager in the house and you do have a bunch more benefits. You'll realise how much you sacrificed so he could have a fat bank balance.

category12 · 18/05/2019 13:45

They don't have kids together, and have no shared assets, so there's no reason to have any contact at all.

TowelNumber42 · 18/05/2019 13:45

I might be inclined to say he can't have his tools until he gives you your half of the joint savings for the deposit. Got any written evidence he said he was saving for you both?

ThatCurlyGirl · 18/05/2019 13:51

Sorry @category12 I missed that

RandomMess · 18/05/2019 13:58

He doesn't even believe that you've ended it 🤣

Butterymuffin · 18/05/2019 13:59

we could of gone out today with the kids

Yeah, if you paid!

Reynolds1212 · 18/05/2019 14:12

Yes if I paid you have that right..I don't have anything written down from him your having a laugh I suggested joint acc he just mmmm and ahhh but never agreed to anything and said oh yeah so you can fuck me over. He's got thousands in tools I will let him have them because I want nothing from him I've got my holiday and it's in my name so I will be going he can lose his half because it's what he owes me anyway over the last few years.
He will also take the main tv because that's all he owns in the house. I think I used to get £55 a week in tax credit around that may have changed now though. I wish he could see what he's done to me and how he made me feel but he never will.
I've had something small to eat so I feel a little better now my stomach has calmed down I think I will be sad later a little probably and upset being alone but I am alone anyway aren't I. I've msg a work friend about the locks he said he will sort it for me.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 18/05/2019 14:39

He's blathering on about last night to take your focus off the fact he's been cocklodging for 6 years while treating you and your DC like you're nothing. It's just noise OP, to try to make it YOUR fault.

Just noise.

Charley50 · 18/05/2019 14:45

Only just catching up but re; the telly. You keep it. Let him
Get a new one for himself. It's the very least he can do.

Foxmuffin · 18/05/2019 14:46

He’ll take the TV Grin that made me laugh.

Well done for being so strong OP. I can’t believe this man thinks £70 pw board and lodging is ok.

Charley50 · 18/05/2019 14:46

Without even actually doing anything. (Leave you the TV).
These arseholes always come out with all this guilt trip shit. I wouldn't even bother reading the texts.

fedup21 · 18/05/2019 14:54

What a twat.

Could he get back in whilst you’re out?

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