MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

Period*

Oh and please see GP and ask about something called propranolol, it's a beta blocker often prescribed for anxiety. It stops many of the physical symptoms of panic - racing heart etc so you can deal with the actual cause as there's so much less chance it'll turn into a full on panic attack. They changed my life.

@Reynolds1212 You are absolutely brilliant for finding the strength to get rid of the bloody arsehole.
You will be so better off without him, honestly I have been where you are and the relief(after I had stopped shaking) was immense.
When the shaking turns to anger it's even better that is when you can tackle anything!
You will absolutely love the peace and quiet in your home behind your own front door...that feeling is priceless.

Turn off your phone for the night or block his number.

You can quit smoking in a couple of weeks when the dust has settled a bit.

My stomach actually hurts like that stomach ache you get as a child when you eat to much and it aches it's so weird. It's like the stress is causing me other symptoms I wish I could stop shaking like this aswell I only had one drink earlier and I'm glad now I didn't drink any more I would probably be crying. I'm not crying though I'm quite proud of that as I'm a cryer I've always been like that cry at things hate that about myself but I'm not maybe in time. Thanks again for being there for me I only have two close friends and one her dad just died two days ago I honestly can't talk to her about this right now she has enough stress and the other is in Ireland so I'm on my own with this at the moment

Hasn't he shown his true colours!?
Well done OP. Keep talking to us- we're all here for you.

He hasn't come back and no more texts for about twenty minutes so fingers crossed wish this horrid feeling would go away in my body it's scary it's quite bad I'm not going to cry I swear really finding this anxiety hard right not guys

Not on your own - so many people here thinking you have done brilliantly. It will get better once his work stuff is gone and you have changed locks

Your doing great! try not to go over it too much ( i know thats an impossible ask) but from everything you have put down you definatly sound better off.

i doubt youll sleep much, but if you cant try to keep your mind distracted. you sound far to good form him, ive never heard of someone thats such a prat that he would give his kids more thatn his step kids. i use to give my mates kids presents when i didnt have any! since ive had one, its more of the same.

that jab he made about finding someone better, that kind of shows he has a low oppinion of you. and its not true, but remember it. its good fuel to do what needs done! and your doing great. just remember there are lots of people thinking of you!

You can and will do better than him. He has clearly been dragging you down and now he is showing you not only how much of a pig he is but how little respect / care he has for you. You deserve so much better.

I paid 70 a week to my mum as a 15 year old doing waitressing after school and on weekends.
Cocklodger.

And don't be afraid to call the police if need be.

Get yourself some Saint John worts tomorrow OP, it's great for anxiety and it's herbal too, have a read up on them, they are great, they help me loads when my relationship ended and I'm still taking them now

Thankyou everyone I keep reading the posts and it's helpful to me especially tonight

PurpleGlitter1983 when i got my first job i use to give my mum 400 a month, plus i payed the phone and sky.

then in a mare of genious i offered her an extra 50 a week to iron my work shirts, just one single shirt a night. i still think that was a good deal.

Thanks so much I've got no confidence or self worth left anymore so I've got nothing to lose anyway because he's taken it and I can't believe I think this little of myself that I've accepted it and made it normal and ok and it wasn't ok he made me think it was I feel very stupid

I've never lived at home long enough to pay bills there I left at 16 so I have no idea the going rate I was paying rent at 16 which is more then what he pays me a month and that's 16 years ago it's a joke thinking about it

you still have pleanty left, you just need to remember it. and remember the person that would drag someone down, they are the ones with no worth.

To be fair, I think there’s noth8ng wrong with crying in your situation. Think I read somewhere that tears release some kind of stress release thing or something. Sorry to be so vague, but what I’m saying is that there’s science behind why it makes you feel better.

I so hope you can rest and get some sleep soon. Take care.

Try some deep breathing op.
It’s the adrenaline and reaction setting in.
Take it easy.
Have a hot drink.
Turn of your phone and disengage.
Make a plane for tomorrow.
Make sure he can’t get in the house.
Look after yourself.
Him butting his head against you isn’t a good sign, it’s just a step away from physical abuse. Be careful.

Stay strong - don’t let him weasel back in

The poditive here is that by the time you subtract what he cost in terms of food, laundry, showers etc, and claim the 25% council tax discount, you probably will not be that much worse off. It's stressful now but it must have been really stressful when he was being dismissive to you and treating his children better than yours

Reynolds you're doing great. Just take one minute at a time, one hour at a time. Do what ever you need to do to get through the next few hours. I think you need to ring the non emergency police just to flag up what's happened and that you feel vulnerable. Just in case. You're not on your own x

Maybe you’re not crying because you feel relieved, despite the anxiety. You’ve taken the first step towards a better life.

I agree with all the previous posts to change your locks when you can, see if your brother can come and stay with you this weekend and also try and get some Kalms tomorrow, they may help. If the anxiety continues then see a doctor, it’s really no wonder you’re feeling like this.

You’re not alone. You’ve been so brave and strong to do this. Things can only get better now.

Try and get some rest, well done again thinking of you