Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
notfromworcester · 17/05/2019 20:18

Bloody well done op. Once your eyes are opened to this crap it's impossible to unsee it. Stay strong and keep safe.

He's dreadful and you really will be far better off in every way without him.

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 20:19

I'm so fuming girls he texts me saying I'm mental and he's gone out one night and this is what he gets no not at all this is one in a long line of shit he does I'm fucking shaking he's trying to twist this around and make me sound nuts

OP posts:
Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 20:20

Ncd he does that to exactly the same he threw it on the floor like I'm a dog

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 17/05/2019 20:22

it doesnt matter simply ignore because you are doing the right thing

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 20:22

So glad I have this chat right now it's saving my life

OP posts:
longtimelurkerhelen · 17/05/2019 20:23

Who cares what he says, clearly his ego cannot handle the fact that he is a user and a sponger.

Part of the script is to paint you as crazy. Clearly tonight was the straw that broke the camels back.

Block him, you don't need to read his bile. Imagine how angry he will be when you block him.

notfromworcester · 17/05/2019 20:23

Look, he'll say whatever he thinks will impact you most at the moment. It doesn't mean there's a grain of truth to it.

I know it's hard (been there) but try and stay calm and focused. Don't let this drain your energy.

jinglet · 17/05/2019 20:23

So not only is he a stingy b*stard but he's also emotionally abusive?

Read this OP:

www.thrivetalk.com/gaslighting/

PickAChew · 17/05/2019 20:26

Think you can do better? You could do better if you had no more than a rampant rabbit for company! At least it would pay its way.

Ellie56 · 17/05/2019 20:27

Ignore the twat.He's just peed off because his meal ticket has come to an end.

PompeyBez · 17/05/2019 20:31

Yes. You can absolutely do better. Tell him to take his £70 a week and stick it up his bottom. Sideways. His crap in a pile on your doorstep is already doing better. What a jumped up pathetic excuse for a man he is

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 20:32

Thanks ladies I've packed him a couple of bin bags he will have to get the rest of his shite another time because all his tools are here aswell. Feel weird and angry and I don't want to question myself I know I'm doing the right thing I have to believe that

OP posts:
ncdforthis · 17/05/2019 20:34

@Reynolds1212 honestly OP, you've had such a lucky escape, he'd have bled you dry under the guise of "I have far more money that you do, why would I possibly need to be a cocklodger?"

RandomMess · 17/05/2019 20:35

Tell him needs to get the rest of his stuff this weekend else you'll be further fleeced providing free storage for it!

Ellie56 · 17/05/2019 20:35

Feel weird and angry and I don't want to question myself I know I'm doing the right thing I have to believe that

You are right to feel angry and you absolutely are doing the right thing.

peardrops1 · 17/05/2019 20:36

You are 100% doing the right thing!!! He sounds absolutely vile.

Foxmuffin · 17/05/2019 20:36

He’s so deluded and self obsessed that he thinks this is all about ONE meal. It’s about many, many things and the meal is just the straw that broke the camels back.

I don’t know you OP but I have a sense of pride at the action you have taken tonight and the bravery you have displayed.

Tell him Anne summers will be cheaper than supporting his leach ass and probably do a better job!

Neilsfavouritechilli · 17/05/2019 20:37

@mcmooberry has this right, you can't let him teach your sons that this is how you treat a partner.

Foxmuffin · 17/05/2019 20:37

Don’t think about tomorrow. Think about six months time when you’re over him and living your new life.

pusspuss9 · 17/05/2019 20:42

@REYNOLDS
In my posts slagging off your ex, I haven't yet said that I think you're a strong woman and doing the right thing for you and your children, even though it must have it's difficulties and heartaches- just wanted to say that.

magoria · 17/05/2019 20:42

Try and distract yourself with planning what you need to do.

Single person discount for council tax.
Changing the barrels in your locks.
Blocking him from all methods of contacting you.
Cancel any thing specific in the house for him. Sports package etc.
Spending a little on your bedroom so that it doesn't remind you of him.

I am sure there are plenty of other things you can plan that need doing.

Grainedmonkey · 17/05/2019 20:44

OP you are doing absolutely awesome . I am mentally packing his stuff up with you. You are taking your power back now. I'm glad he brought up his Dad's place as that means there is nothing to hold him up leaving . He is a disgrace of a man , the lowest of the low, despicable, stingy tight arse bastard. I hate him and I've never even met him . The holiday pocket money farce made my blood boil , he is so cruel to you and your kids .

Original poster
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 20:44

My brother said I can go and stay with him tomorrow my mom has taken one of my sons with her to Wales today after school so it's one less I've just got my oldest and youngest so I might go and stay there for a night tomorrow and get away and clear my head I think I need that do you ?

OP posts:
Grainedmonkey · 17/05/2019 20:48

Yes go to Wales, your DM and DB sound lovely and so supportive x

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 20:49

Thanks ladies I've packed him a couple of bin bags he will have to get the rest of his shite another time because all his tools are here aswell.

Do not let him wriggle back in. He IS financially abusive and definitely has potential to become physically from how he behaves when challenged. Sorry, but I think you really need to have someone with you when he comes for the rest of his crap and leave the bin bags out so he has no need to come back inside. He may not go quietly because he wants to keep his easy ride, he had it made by using you: all in for £70/week, sex, housekeeping, discount on CM has had to pay on his kids due to living with you. He knew all along what he was doing and has been having a big laugh mugging you off and bossing you about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread