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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:31

He got very close and was pushing his head up against my head he does that whenever I argue on him and he doesn't agree he pushed his head up against me and was shouting that much he was spitting I said get e Fuck off me touch me again I'm calling the police. He's gone to his local where he will pretend he's a nice guy but he's not he's a horrible person.

OP posts:
Neilsfavouritechilli · 17/05/2019 17:31

Fucking good on you love!!! Heed the advice not to get hammered and use your anger to get this prick gone. You'll genuinely come to see that life will be far better for you without him. Less stressful, more money once you get your credits sorted and you can take care of yourself and your kids.

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 17:31

I wouldn't tell him shit until his crap was out of my house, then I'd text him to come and get it and fuck off.

Don't date again until you've done the Freedom Programme and please, if you ever find out a man you're seeing is fucking his children out of proper maintenance, GET RID ASAP.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/05/2019 17:32

You GO lady! Sometimes this is all it takes, a loss of temper, a reality check. My advice would be to put all his stuff in bags outside the front door and make sure he can't get back in. Changing the locks tonight will be expensive, put a key in the door or lock from the inside so he can't get back in. If he kicks off, call the police.

IF you can find one shred of evidence of his earnings or anything finance related, keep it. Get in touch with his ex-wife. Report him to the fraud line at HMRC. He needs a fucking kick up the arse...a painful and long lasting reality check.

You CAN do this...you are strong and brave and you deserve better Flowers

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:32

I've text him and said I'm packing your stuff it will be waiting for you in the entry my key is in the door so do not come in the house I'm removing you from my life. He hasn't replied he has read it it says read

OP posts:
Neilsfavouritechilli · 17/05/2019 17:32

Can you get someone over in case he comes back pissed later?

ScreamingLadySutch · 17/05/2019 17:34

He is using you to subsidise his savings. It is so sad when women give their warm, loving hearts to people who use them.

You need to make a list of your bills and tell him that he needs to pay 40 % of everything.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/05/2019 17:34

Get his stuff out ASAP in case he comes back. Can anybody come and help you? Are your kids OK and safe?

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/05/2019 17:35

@ScreamingLadySutch Things have escalated...best read thread...

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:36

He won't drink as he has the kids and drove he won't kick off with his kids there as he has to keep up the pretense I can't keep lying to myself and letting him think this is ok how he is is ok I'm glad I've told him about himself I'm glad ..I've kept my mouth shut far to long now to keep the peace he wasn't expecting that he kept laughing but that's because I was onto to the truth and I know all about him now he laughed because he had no words or response to what I was saying a loving partner would never act this way and I know that

OP posts:
HJWT · 17/05/2019 17:38

@Reynolds1212 you fucking GO girl! ❤️💐

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:38

My mom lives in wales and my brothers don't live close to me they are a distance away. If anything happens I will call the police I am just going to leave his things in the entry .

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 17/05/2019 17:40

Ask a friend if she can come with you on the holiday - she can pay and you can give him the share he paid.
£70 a week, what a cushy life, eh.

magoria · 17/05/2019 17:40

Please call the police on the non emergency line and let them know. That way if you do need to call in an emergency they will know what has already happened.

You are well rid of this aggressive waste of space.

Jog22 · 17/05/2019 17:41

You're sounding full of fire and very strong. Keep it up.

AhNowTed · 17/05/2019 17:41

Imagine your life without a penny pinching miser who leeches off a mother with kids while you quietly seethe and feel shit.

The relief will be amazing.

Joining you in a Wine

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 17:41

Leave his shit in the entryway and then tell him to come. The head on head thing is abuse. Put the chain on and keep the key in the lock. He tries anything and you just ring the police. He can save money sleeping in a cell.

fedup21 · 17/05/2019 17:47

What a shame his dad will take him in for £60 a week. It would do him the world of good having to pay for everything himself and setting up a home from scratch.

Did he live with his dad before he moved into your house? How many years has he been saving whilst sponging off you??

How dare he say he shouldn’t have to pay any more because YOU have some savings !

Neilsfavouritechilli · 17/05/2019 17:49

Just remember you've got the mumsnet solidarity army behind you 24/7

VictoriaBun · 17/05/2019 17:49

Please keep this anger and carry it out !
He is not a nice man, you know it , and from what you say we all know it as well. Do not let him weedle this way back in, even if he admits he was in the wrong and offers to pay more. Please remember he is not nice to your kids.

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 17:50

His dad will make him pay up. But who cares? As long as he's not sponging off the OP anymore.

RomanyQueen1 · 17/05/2019 17:52

Well done OP, this was never a relationship or a partnership.
They don't work like that Thanks

ScreamingLadySutch · 17/05/2019 18:01

Yes, I didn't RTT did I! Good on you Reynolds, I just love Mumsnet and the incredible resources just talking to people gets you.

Who knew that this arse was DELIBERATELY claiming discounts on the very children he won't do anything for?
That Reynolds is forfeiting her single parent tax discount and would lose nothing kicking him out?
Defrauding, on so many levels.
So good on you OP, don't let him back in.

sanmiguel · 17/05/2019 18:11

Sorry you've had such an awful time @Reynolds1212 but I'm sure this will now be the start of your new happier chapter Thanks

pusspuss9 · 17/05/2019 18:12

@reynolds
Puss he doesn't owe my kids 'nothing' as you say how about being kind? Their kids regardless of who biologically made them deserve better treatment you can't move in with someone with three children and not acknowledge the children who does that anyway what decent person does that? When you take On a family you take on a package do that family you don't get the woman and the kids do not exist .. I've let it go for six years and I can't anymore.

I agree this is what should happen, but I just got irritated that for the first three pages (possibly more I didn't read further at that point) all blame seemed to be to your OH (who I agree isn't pulling his weight - far from it) totally ignoring the real bad guy who started the whole thing off by deserting you all getting a total get out of jail card.