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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

871 replies

Reynolds1212 · 15/05/2019 18:46

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

OP posts:
HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 17/05/2019 17:06

he came up in my face and threw his wallet full force at me from across the room

While he's out, you pack his things. Do it now. Do it with your adrenaline giving you strength!

Get a bloke round for when he gets back. Hand him his stuff. Get his key back. (Then get a new lock, it's cheap, they sell them in B&Q, etc.)

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:06

Can't stand him he threw his poxy £70 at me from across the room saying I'm pleading poverty when I've got money in the bank yeah well it's the tip of the iceberg of what he has in his bank it's not that how he came in and spoke to me how bloody dare he who does he fucking thinks he is! He's nobody he's a leech he's not a proper man he had to have the lads yesterday for two hours while I went for a meal with my lifelong work friend who was retiring I got them food before I left and was back at 8.30 and got them all ready for bed I hate him so much nothing will ever get better I don't want him back in my fucking house today

OP posts:
HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 17/05/2019 17:08

Honestly, pack. You're halfway there; pack his stuff and he'll be out of your hair TODAY.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 17/05/2019 17:09

You might as well rip the band-aid off now. You've come this far; finish it.

LellyMcKelly · 17/05/2019 17:09

Bag up his stuff while he’s out and leave it on the doorstep. Spend that £70 on getting the locks changed. It’ll be the best £70 you ever spent.

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:09

I'm so raging I don't even like him as a person he slags his friend off and then he's off out with the Person he slags off every week. Two faced piece of turd I never bring up what he pays cos he shouts me down go and live in the real world I said that too live in the real world and pay direct debits you leeching prick I've got the shakes really bad.

OP posts:
PompeyBez · 17/05/2019 17:13

What a vile shit! How dare he!! I would be packing his bags for him. Strike while the iron is hot!

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 17:14

Fling all his shit out NOW. Just start putting it all in bin liners. Put it out, lock the door, leave the key in the lock. Text him once, 'That's you binned, you scrounging twat. Find someone else to leech off,' and get your locks changed. He threw his wallet at you? What a bullying abusive cunt!

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:16

I'm packing now people whilst drinking a very big glass of vodka and coke

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 17/05/2019 17:18

Delighted to hear it OP!

Butterymuffin · 17/05/2019 17:18

Good for you OP. Pack it and put it outside. Bolt the door or keep your key in the lock. Tell him not to come back.

Mummab1991 · 17/05/2019 17:18

What an absolute knobhead!! You do not need that piece of shit in your life or your kids life!! Head up you’ll be better off without him!! X

PompeyBez · 17/05/2019 17:18

Good for you! I'm having a gin in solidarity!

AhNowTed · 17/05/2019 17:20

Believe me, your kids will thank you for it.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 17/05/2019 17:21

I'm packing now people whilst drinking a very big glass of vodka and coke

GOOD FOR YOU!

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 17:22

Don't waste good stuff on him, put his shit in bin liners. Make sure you put your key in the lock and the chain on so he can't get back in.

pickingdaisies · 17/05/2019 17:22

Deep breaths, breathe out nice and slow, call a locksmith, pack his stuff. A binbag will do. Can you get somebody round?

Ellie56 · 17/05/2019 17:23

Glad you're getting rid of the knobhead waste of space. He is a user.

overdrive · 17/05/2019 17:24

You deserve that vodka, OP. But make sure it's just the one. You'll need your wits about you when he gets back.

Stay sober and stay angry until he's completely gone.

fedup21 · 17/05/2019 17:25

What a bastard!

Have you told him you’re packing his things?

RandomMess · 17/05/2019 17:26

When I'min for the evening I will have a Wineif solidarity for you.

Thanks
Gooseysgirl · 17/05/2019 17:27

Well done OP! He is a total dick. I will join you in a vodka & coke - here's to a new beginning, for you and your kids!

Reynolds1212 · 17/05/2019 17:29

I've text him he's read it and ignored it I don't really drink in all fairness but I need this drink believe me I do . I wouldn't treat my dog like this I actually wouldn't

OP posts:
CousinKrispy · 17/05/2019 17:30

Well done OP, I am so proud of you. I think you should call the fucking police right now given that he threw his wallet at you--that is assault and he could become more violent later. Do you have a friend or family member who could come over when he is expected to return?

You haven't wasted 6 years, you've spent 6 years learning something really valuable. I recommend you do the Freedom Programme and learn as much as you can about how to avoid shit relationships with abusive men (because that's what he is) ... it makes it easier to avoid repeating the same pattern.

Don't feel ashamed, so many of us have been there with you but your life will be so much better without him!!

overdrive · 17/05/2019 17:30

Texted him saying what?

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