MY partner is so tight with money is this normal

[Reynolds1212]

I’ve been with my parter for six years I have three children from a previous relationship. My kids don’t see their father anymore he moved away and that was it he stopped contact which upset them greatly.
Anyway my partner earns in a day what I get in Three/four days so I’m not talking a small amount here .
My house is rented I pay all the bills all the rent and food he gives me £70 a week. I have a decent job but not amazing. I’ve added up my bills and rent and food and it’s a lot I have roughly £150-200 left per month for like treats for the kids clothes etc it is a struggle sometimes esp when a unexpected bill hits me etc my boys dad pays nothing. My partner is giving me £70 per week he earns about £3000-4000 a month he’s saving he keeps saying for us for a mortgage it’s hard to trust tbh. But this week I’ve been extra short I’ve had to borrow money off my mom to get food because we had a holiday to pay off which. Was half each and my car had to have lots of repairs done I’ve told him all week I have no money he just says well what happened to my £70 lol it doesn’t got very far with all k to outgoings the house is in my name so he thinks he doesn’t have to pay half but I rented the house before we met anyway and he moved in . He got two kids he has to pay CSA for but it isn’t that much £60 a week. I’m so sick of watching him buy stuff online and get new things and I haven’t got a pot to Pee in till the end of the month. If I bring up money it all kicks off he says not his kids and that I would have to pay it all if he wasn’t here. That’s not the point if they weren’t here he would have to pay half surely ?
He doesn’t buy food or give me extra hardly ever I have to beg for an extra £10 sometimes to get stuff he thinks £70 covers the food council tax water etc and it doesn’t
He’s got a lovely car and a nice van and my cars a bit of a banger now but it’s all I can afford it doesn’t seem fair after six years.
He doesn’t buy me things on Xmas and birthday I get stuff but never in between like he wouldn’t buy me clothes or the boys clothes at all.
He’s got other nice qualities but I feel like I pay for everything and he’s living for free and has no qualms about it I’ve bought it up so many times and it causes a row till he knows I won’t bring it back up again. His kids come to stay and he pays the same I have to text him and say get them food etc because it got to a point where I was feeding them to on £70 so I make him buy their food now. Everything is half holidays days out meals he never pays and he’s got the money to pay.
It’s getting to the point where I’ve had enough I don’t want this future now I’m in my early 30’s we don’t go out much if we do granted he does pay for my food but I always end up paying the drinks or something it’s never all for free.
I asked him for a lift to the hospital the other week and he asked me for a tenner for fuel I was just gobsmacked my son was in Hosptial and he asked me for money.
I don’t know what to do is anyone else partner like this please advise

Tell him to go ahead and move to his dad's then. Watch him backtrack once he realises he'll have a worse deal. But stick to it!

Op, you seem to have found a similar asshole to your ex - the kids dad plays the system, and so does your current chap. So once you're free of this one, make sure you look out for those traits in future bfs.

Puss he doesn't owe my kids 'nothing' as you say how about being kind? Their kids regardless of who biologically made them deserve better treatment you can't move in with someone with three children and not acknowledge the children who does that anyway what decent person does that? When you take On a family you take on a package do that family you don't get the woman and the kids do not exist .. I've let it go for six years and I can't anymore.

Even if he is saving for a house, you can bet your life you'd be allowed no claim on it, no security, and he'd make you pay the majority of bills, if not all for the privilege of sharing it with him.

Storm I don't think for one second I'm being put on the house he buys he keeps saying I will be but I won't I've got a bad feeling about it.

For context i put nothing towards our mortgage but im still on it my Dh and i are partners-im not a cocklodger btw

I gave my kids £10 a day spending money and he was giving his £20 and mine were like why can't we have £20 and I said I can't afford it and he said now I feel bad I want to treat my kids and can't because you can't treat your kids so now I've got to lower my kids money

Had it not occurred to him that if he could afford £20 each for his 2 children and you could only afford £10 each for your 2 then all of them could have had £15 each.

It wouldn’t have cost him anymore but he just didn’t want your children benefitting in any way which brings it down to being a nasty prick rather than anything to do with ring tight with money.

He wont put you on the house not in a million

My husband is tight, but lives frugally. So it’s not the double standards you describe. He isn’t buying x, y and z whilst I’m struggling to get by.

Whilst I appreciate your children aren’t strictly his responsibility I find it difficult that he’d watch you struggle whilst he’s doing so well.

I would honestly go home and bag up all his stuff and leave it out in the rain and lock the door. He can bugger off to his Dad’s (poor bloody man) and hope to god he’s put the rent up!!
Honestly do not wait for this holiday, you’ll hate it anyway as you’ll have no spending money and he won’t pay for any of you as a a treat. You will hate being with the miserable twat and will wish you hadn’t gone. There’s nothing stopping him taking his own kids but I have a feeling he won’t as I don’t think he’s caring enough to worry about their feelings.
Think of it as even one more day over this six years is a day too much.

Who cares about his poxy house? He doesn't have one because he's financially abusing you. You're effectively paying for him to leech off you with money you could be using on yourself and your kids. Who cares where he goes, he has plenty of savings? He's a total dick who cheats his own child. You owe him FA. It's your kids you owe, by getting rid of this deadweight. No need for drama because who cares what he thinks, you are always going to be in the wrong in his eyes because he thinks the world owes him a living. I'd bag up his stuff, leave it on the doorstep and text him to come get it and fuck off.

Let him go back to his Dad's.

I understand not wanting to let the kids down re: the holiday. Would you be able to go on holiday with him as friends? Stay civil for the sake of the kids getting the holiday they've all been promised?

Yeah I agree, I've changed my mind about the holiday, I think/hope you have mentally moved on from your relationship with him, I don't think it would be tolerable to put up with him until then.

Another vote for not waiting until the holiday. He sounds despicable. You're the lead booker, try and recoup some of the money by selling his place to a friend maybe?

I don't think so Lannie I don't see how that could work. His dads the same he's beyond tight so he won't pay for him anyway he will have to pay a lot more then and I think he knows that despite his arguments it's cheaper to live there.
I am totally overwhelmed from the response from this post I never thought it would create this much outrage from people and has really helped me think clearer and make my mind up .

if he earns £3-4k and earns what you earn in 3-4 days then you must be bringin home £1-1.5k or so?
on that sort of wage you would peobably be entitled to tax credits etc? so with him living with you you are probably also missing out on income.
Put your details in to entitledto.com to see what financial help you would be entitled to - he should be making up the short fall as well as paying for food/bills/luxuries etc

Now the scales have fallen from your eyes there is no way you'll be able to tolerate another 8 weeks and a blended family holiday.

Tell him you want him to move out to his Dad's like he suggested. Today.

Where are you all staying on the holiday? Could you effectively holiday as two completely separate groups? Do you know how much you'd get back if you cancelled him and his kids from the holiday?

Remember, he's got tens of thousands in savings, he can afford to book his kids a different holiday at short notice.

Reynolds1212 Please don’t criticise yourself for putting up with this, be proud that you have reached a clearer view of your relationship. The bottom line is that, frustrating as it is that your ex is not contributing, there is no-one anywhere in the country who can make £70 stretch to cover rent, food, bills and clothing. He is underpaying. I do hope he moves back in with his dad, who you say is just the same.

The bit that got me was reducing his children’s holiday spending money, not upping your children’s to £20. If he really was saving for a house for you both, he would put it in a joint savings account.

What @TowelNumber42 said.

He’s profiting from you. No way could he support himself on £70pw. You’re facilitating his saving!

on that sort of wage you would peobably be entitled to tax credits etc?

There are no more tax credits for new claimaints and there haven't been since last December. It's all Universal Credit and on her salary it's not likely she'll qualify for much if anything besides perhaps some assistance with childcare.

BUT she's subsidising this twat and missing out on single person council tax rate.

He will never change, he is financially abusing you, Reynolds and be default, your kids. He's a cheap bastard who needs to go. He has savings, he doesn't need notice, it's not his house, you can literally pack him up and throw his stuff out on the garden or doorstep and change the locks.

He's a total scumbag.

I’ve read a few more of the posts, I get the children aren’t his responsibility but surely he should be feeling they’re a family after 6 years??

I have a DS and DSS and I don’t leave my husband to get all the treats for DSS. If I'm doing a food shop I take DSS into account, just like if I’m cooking. How can you just ignore them and their needs? If I can DSS out for the day I pay. I see our finances as joint and our responsibility to both children is joint.

He'll be utterly desperate to keep his all his free lodgings and housekeeping. He will strongly resist moving out.

You must be prepared for this when you chuck him out. He will fight tooth and nail to keep you as his sugar-mummy.

Could you detach enough to see it almost like a game? You win by getting him out of the house competely by . He wins by not leaving on . Every reason, every diversion, every accusation, every offer of an extra £20 a week, of marriage or whatever, see it as his side of the game. Because that's what it is to him. A game. A con. A scam. A con-artist will say anything to keep the scam running and the victim on the hook.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if you end up calling the police to force him to leave. These types often just say no, park their arse on your sofa with a beer you bought and expect you to be too weak to actually call the police.

You say your children will be disappointed about the holiday.I bet they cheer up when they see why.

Will he even take his DC away without you there to do the donkey work and subsidise everything whilst you're away...

Can you go separately on that holiday? Change your room so you are with your DC instead of him? Hotels are usually flexible with this.