DH been accused, what should I do?

[Confused89899]

Nc'd for this. Received message today from husband of friend saying he had seen his wife and my DH playing footsie under table. He confronted her, she has denied it, says it was just something silly. Lots of alcohol involved, my DH was very drunk, I wasn't there. My DH read his message when it came through, tried to call him, he would only speak to me. This friend is convinced there's more to it, says they will both deny it, says he is devastated and it's the stuff that breaks marriages up.
My DH says he doesn't recall it, his foot could have possibly touched hers under the narrow table etc. Not acting at all guilty, wants to talk to them both, desperate to put husband straight and wants to talk face to face with him.
FWIW we have extremely solid relationship of 20 years and trust each other implicitly with everything and I truly believe DH would not have done this.
Wife is a school mum, kids good friends, all socialise a lot together, live close etc etc.
I don't know what to do....
Am I being stupid and in denial? Do I talk to the wife? Can we ever get over this in a friendship group even if it is a silly misunderstanding?
I don't know if there are any issues in this couples' marriage and whether the husband is looking for trouble.
Any advice/thoughts much appreciated, thank you.

How do you see people playing footsie? Was he crawling around on the floor?

Cross post OP... just read she doesn't drink as much.

Are they mutual friends? Or did the friendship originate from you and her? Or him and your H?

Maybe she was trying to flirt, maybe her husband knows she has previous and have seen red?
Or maybe there was nothing to it...I don’t think it’s worth ending a marriage over, but I would certainly want to get to the bottom of it.
Why don’t you invite them round so the four of you can talk?
Or why don’t you go out with the wife and ask her?
Whatever the outcome this will affect friendships which is a shame .

The man who sent the message might well be a nasty, paranoid, controlling, obsessive shit-stirrer, of course. His wife might be sniffing around for someone to have a bit of fun with. Your H might be blameless and have been set up to be the mug in some wierd drama llama set up that the messenger and the messenger's partner have going on.

You know these people, OP. You know your own H better than some school-run mum and her partner -have a think about your H and his general attitude when you're worrying about who to believie and what to worry about.

And remember that stupid tiresome people generally go to OOO WAA THREAT TO MONOGAMY as the default method of causing trouble when they are bored.

How do you see people playing footsie? Was he crawling around on the floor?

He might have walked in and saw it...or something caught his eye and he looked down.

You really don't have to be crawling on the floor to see this.

I wonder if he's previously had suspicious about them.

What a thought situation.

Typo
tough situation

Ittakes2 good point! Can't quite believe I'll have to talk to her about this, she's a friend!
Wife has been very obviously pissed off with his behaviour ever since we've known them, constantly remarking about it.
It's 4 days. I'm guessing he wanted to confront her first and she was away for the weekend, he did it at first opportunity (but not on the night in question, guess been stewing on it)

It sounds to me much more likely that the H who sent you the message is abusive, TBH. Abusive men are often very keen to get everyone they know on board with the idea that the woman they are abusing is an crazy slut, a bad mother and a liar.

Mind you, if this couple are people you only know because you are friends with her, how come this piss-up was taking place without you?

To me he messages you to implicate your dh when he knows full well his dw is to blame. He has no recollection as he didn't respond. She says something silly as that's how she was acting.
Would suggest he knows she fancies your dh and is fuming.

I really think he should have called, rather than texted you...but it must be hard for him to grasp what he thinks is going on....and perhaps he was too emotional to talk about it.

Sounds a strange sequence of events. Would have thought this guy would have discussed with both his DW and your DH before contacting you. Or has he?

Um, bit thick here. What does it even entail, playing footsie? Is it just rubbing feet together or what?

I read the situation the same as Mayalready. The wife was flirting, your DH didn't even realise, and her DH is fuming and lashing out.

She says it was something silly. Your DH says his foot could have touched her's. tbh that sounds as though they're both admitting something happened. The only question is their motivation for it happening ie an accident; a drunken mistake; deliberate flirtation.
I'd want everyone to sit down together and try to judge the nuance of what's going on.
Then I'd give them a wide berth whilst you decide what happens next in your relationship.

Wow, thank you, you've given me lots to consider and it's all helpful.
The friendship began with wives being friends, developed to husbands also being friends and becoming drinking buddies. They were out for the night, walking distance to theirs so went there for a nightcap. That's how it came about without me...
I think PP right in that he has seen his wife misbehaving (maybe previous form?), probably fuming and wants to blame my (hopefully) innocent DH.
Don't know why he didn't call me. I could see that an earlier message (it was on messenger) had been deleted, he must have lost his bottle then decided to message me again

Much more likely that her H is a paranoid nutjob, really...

I hope so...

Your Dh immediately tried to call him, to see them both face to face to discuss it. The other man was being immature and pathetic refusing to speak to him. He was only looking to cause trouble between you and your husband.

Take it with a pinch of salt.

I don’t think it’s even fair to the wife to assume she did anything wrong, he could just be paranoid and insecure.

And drunk.

I am going with the other guy causing trouble to be honest.

You're right, we both feel he's actually been really out of order contacting me. DH is now past the shock of it stage, and really angry at him.

we have noticed he does what he likes, when he likes without much consideration for his wife

I also think he sounds abusive.

What better way to isolate his wife than to stir up all this awkwardness in her friendship group so she ends up cut off from them? Abuse is all about control, after all.

My vote is for not rising to it and being careful to maintain your friendship with her.

She admiring something and your DH is claiming his foot might have touched hers.

Neither of those are realistic responses to being accused of something you didn't do.

OP how would you respond to being accused of this? Because mine would be emphatic denial, followed by reassurance that I'd never do that to DH, not a mealy mouthed "well our feet may have touched"

She's admitting something...