Wish I hadn’t seen this. Is the relationship doomed?

[mrenabeena]

I’ve NCd because I would be mortified if this were to be linked to my usual NN.

I just moved in with my partner and it’s been an incredibly stressful move as half our stuff initially went missing because the delivery company went to the wrong address then tried to bill us extra as they claimed it was our mistake!

And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I had to use DP’s laptop whilst the main computer was awol and came across a video of him having anal sex with his ex. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut and even though I know logically that it was something he did before he met me, I can’t help but feel upset.

He has never tried to have anal with me or even suggested it which makes me wonder why and if I’m boring in bed. He looked so into her in the video and I desperately wish I’d never seen it but the image is now burning on my mind.

I haven’t told him that I’ve seen it and the rational part of me thinks that I have no right to confront him as it is his past and we all have a past and exes.

But the irrational part of my brain thinks that I don’t ever want to have sex with him again. I am disturbed by what I saw to the extent that I can’t bear the thought of him ever touching me again.

This happened a week ago and I’ve been making the excuse that I’m sleeping in the spare room because I need proper rest for work (he is a snorer). But at some point I know I need to confront this or else the relationship is doomed.

You don’t ever forget about making a sex tape with someone

Cmon, it's so easy to do now. You just set the camera rolling on your smartphone. I certainly don't remember every recording..

I get it.. I know my partner had a history before me as do I but I like to not think about that and not knowing too many details help with that.

But you absolutely need to talk to him about it.. also sex drives go up and down, some men/women get tired as they get older and some are the opposite. Try not to compare your sex life to a previous partner.

How many times did you wank watch it OP?

Whether he has a PC or a mac, google "how to tell when a file was accessed on [operating system]"

If he has a mac, the video will now be in "Recently Opened" (or whatever fucking stupid thing Apple calls it now.) Windows 10 also does this with File Explorer - so if you're not planning on having the "I snooped" talk, best get accessing some other files asap. (Only local files show up this way, not web history.)

So if they split up 6 months before you met him, then he was still hooking up with her, was there an overlap with your relationship? Is that where your feelings are coming from?

It’s only ever on Mumsnet that I see people claiming they use each other’s phones. It literally takes 10 seconds to send something to someone. In my whole dating history I’ve never been “too lazy” to use my own phone, I’ve never felt the need to use my DP’s phone instead of mine. I’m sure people on here say that to excuse looking through their partners stuff.

Spot on Kenny.

I would be concerned if she knew the video was filmed, and if she knew he still had it. I wouldn't want exes to keep copies of dirty photos or videos.

I was going to say what a pp said about the file now being at the top of the list when you open the files folder. Our Mac does this, so your dp will likely see you've opened that file depending on what OS it is.

I wouldn't want exes to keep copies of dirty photos or videos.

DIRTY ? WTF ?

Oh dear. This isn’t good op.
Personally I think that this is one of those things you just can’t un-see. It’ll be etched into your memory forever.

But, you kind of did do this to yourself.

Although, he is daft keeping the video on the computer you both use.

TBH I think you need to discuss this with him, you'll kill the relationship by moving out of the bedroom anyway.

Good luck.