DD has been accused of sexual assault!

[Vasilisa19]

20 years old, second year at Uni, a group of friends were drunk in a nightclub. Everyone in the group was kissing each other - silly student stuff. She had a drunken snog with a few people including girl who now says she has been sexually assaulted because she was too drunk to give consent.

The girl has said she hasn't made up her mind as to whether she is going to report her to the police. It was 3 days before this girl spoke up and had previously said what a good night it was. My dd is terrified and has now said she is leaving uni for good. I want her to go and talk to someone at the uni but she won't as she is scared. She thinks the police are going to turn up at any moment. I feel sick.

Ouch. Assuming everything she's said is true your poor dd

Try and support your daughter without giving her the impression that the complainant is to be ridiculed or undermined.

A support worker within the university will have training on how to support your daughter while someone else from the support team also supports the complainant.

She should try to put her fears to one side and Centre her education.
She can't control much about the situation as it unfolds but she can try and stay calm.

Were there any witnesses?
Did the other girl kiss multiple people?

Nobody is going to get prosecuted for a drunken snog in a club. These sorts of crimes are a nightmare to prosecute as there’s always going to be an evidential issue but on these facts I can’t even imagine the police following it up.

That will go nowhere at all.

Try and reassure her that if there was no coercion on her part, then both parties were equally drunk, both unable to give full consent and she could equally argue that she is the victim here. Unless she isn't telling you the full story, it doesn't sound like there are grounds for prosecution. She doesn't need to leave uni. But she probably should get some advice and support from counselling staff there as well as some legal advice. And to ease up on the drinking.

No chance that is going to go anywhere. It's difficult enough to get the police to do anything about full blown sexual assaults. If your DD's account is accurate it sounds as though the girl thought better of it once sober and is denying any active participation in them all messing around

Seriously? They rarely prosecute for rape, even with plenty of evidence so no chance the Police will be interested in two drunk women snogging.
However, I think your DD should speak to someone at Uni about the other girl as she's clearly going to be a troublemaker.

"Were there any witnesses?
Did the other girl kiss multiple people?"

Really?

The reason I asked about multiple people is because op States they were "all" kissing each other and if she kissed others then why is she just picking on DD?

WOAH! I think your daughter needs to go to the uni student services AND the police, and give HER version of events immediately.

What on earth is this girl playing at?

Hope it will all be OK for your daughter @Vasilisa Your poor girl must be terrified!

I agree with pps though; I doubt this will be taken very far, but yes, your daughter needs to get her version of events in ASAP.

Sorry OP here I don't know the answer to whether she kissed multiple people but there were witnesses.

Ffs. This happens a lot at Uni I think - a 'friend' of mine accused me (to mutual friends not police or my face) of helping a boy rape her. But she told others we had a threesome.
Neither had happened, wed all watched a film and drank Guava fucking Rubicon in her room and they started kissing so I left the truth came out.

Assuming it happened then if your daughter was very drunk too I don't see how it could lead to any prosecution.

I doubt anything will happen to your DD
but I feel very sorry for her going through this kind of stressful situation. I fear the other girl clearly has some underlying issues if everything is true as per your dd's story.

As @SistersKeeper said, is this girl accusing anyone else OP? Or just your daughter? I mean, why just target your daughter?

I would try to calm your DD down and assure her that nothing will come of this.

Sounds like this girl has been teased after the event and is trying to back pedal by making out she was coerced. Gawd drink and students.

"As @SistersKeeper said, is this girl accusing anyone else OP? Or just your daughter? I mean, why just target your daughter?"

I don't know the answer, its a good question. I am assuming its because she they are two girls and felt upset about that. They were best friends up until then so I think its just a shame thing. But I am only guessing here...

If it was my daughter I would be straight to see her and then two of us would go to appropriate department at university to update re situation and your daughter’s concerns

Oh dear. Even if this doesn't get prosecuted (and it probably won't, as everyone above says), it might be a good time to sit and have a conversation with her about consent or direct her to the right resources on campus that can have that conversation with her. It's a bit of a cliche, but if this was about a mixed-sex group of friends and the boys have been going around snogging all the girls 'for a laugh' while they were too drunk to say no, then it could absolutely be non-consensual. A friend waiting till you're drunk then snogging you, no matter whether you wanted to or not, with everyone else egging them on? I'm sure your daughter didn't meant to do anything wrong, but I suspect a lot of men and boys who find themselves in this situation don't think they are doing anything other than joking around either. I feel for your daughter, but this could be a wake up call for her and her group of friends. Just because it's two women, doesn't make it ok.

It sounds as if they were all drunk. It was a kiss in front of a bunch of witnesses, who could see it was just drunken stupidity. Your dd could also go to the police and claim the same in this instance.

I totally agree with the concept of consent. However I think this girl sounds bonkers.

Were there any witnesses? Did the other girl kiss multiple people?

Whether she kissed the entire campus is irrelevant if she didn’t want to be kissed by one specific person.

Also, gotta say I'm shocked by some of the 'blame the victim' comments on here.

"Sounds like this girl has been teased after the event and is trying to back pedal by making out she was coerced. Gawd drink and students."

"I fear the other girl clearly has some underlying issues"

"the other girl [is] clearly going to be a troublemaker"

wfactualf?? Are you going to ask next what the girl was wearing or wonder what her previous history was like?

My dd is terrified and has now said she is leaving uni for good. I want her to go and talk to someone at the uni but she won't as she is scared. She thinks the police are going to turn up at any moment.

She needs to calm down - I really can't see this going anywhere but she should try talking to someone at her university - personal tutor student services I'm not sure who is most appropriate.

Nobody is going to get prosecuted for a drunken snog in a club

Really? Had it been a male snogging a female I think that it well lead to a prosecution.