Constant little digs - ignore or confront every time?

[RoyalChocolat]

Not looking for advice on the whole relationship (sadly, I don't think there is any hope left) but rather a short-term coping strategy.
DH is constantly putting me down. To give a few examples, in the last few days :

• he looked at my stomach and asked me "who got you pregnant?". I have just lost 14kg and our fourth child is 4 months old.

• we had guests over and I made a lime pie that everyone raved about. He pushed it around his plate and went on and on about how mousse is disgusting and he could not possibly eat that. Even the guests looked embarrassed. The next day, when the DCs polished it off, he had the exact same rant.

• whenever the DCs ask me to explain something to them, he makes a snarky remark about "people who think they are clever". Usually, he then asks me a very specific question (the last one was "what is the gravity two light years away from a black hole?" - we were talking about politics). When I tell him I have no idea, he gloats "Aha! See, DC, Mummy doesn't know everything!"

My question is, as long as we share a home, should I confront him when he does it, or ignore completely so as not to reward his behaviour by reacting to it?

Oneman you're deluded. There are plenty of white British men who dont respect women and plenty of men from other cultures who do. Abuse is about power and control, not culture and I find it offensive that you would even suggest anything other than that.

I dont want to derail the thread so I'll leave it there.

I agree with an earlier pp who said you probably wont realise just how bad this is until you leave. Sending you hugs and strength OP

I'm not deluded. At all. Those were OP's exact words. So don't derail it into a race and culture thing because that's so not what my comment was. Don't even.

OP said 'he comes from a culture where women aren't respected'. You then asked why she chose someone from a culture like that which is blaming the victim and assuming everyone from that culture must be abusive. I'm trying to highlight the difference between abuse and culture as it's an important difference. Abusive men choose to be abusive and it is dangerous to blame anything other than that (i.e. culture).

Not assuming everyone's abusive, don't twist it. Being told by OP he is abusive and then given the information that he comes from a culture where men don't respect women. OP's take on it, not mine. So nope. Don't try it on.

It’s so draining, either way. If you combat every put down or you don’t, at least with combating it every time you maintain a level of self respect. Good luck to you and always remember that how someone treats you isn’t a reflection on you it’s all about their inadequacies xx

I've read on here that these people can be very useful in this sort of situation.

www.ncdv.org.uk

Although I'm not sure if they limit their services to victims of physical violence.

Other than that as pps have said contact women's aid.

There's never going to be a good time to split but really the sooner the better.

It's deeply unhealthy not only for you but the children too, and I'm concerned he could escalate to physical violence.

Nobody deserves this. I've witnessed my own father speaking to my mother like this for almost 50 years. I've given up saying to her to leave she never will.

It's definitely coloured my view of relationships.

In my case I'm less forgiving, my brother thankfully learned how not to behave but both he and my sister also learned to accept such treatment from previous partners, not splitting until the partners left them.

The sooner you get rid the better. But do so safely.