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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BF has taken (stolen!) my prescription meds without telling me

85 replies

LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 12:29

First time poster but long time lurker/reader. And just as the title says really. I will add 'allegedly' but it can't be anyone else who took my prescription meds. I haven't taken any in months but needed one yesterday and found half the pack is gone. He knew they were there and he once took one (he told me just after he'd taken it) and I was shocked as he'd had a lot of alcohol and they definitely do not mix as dangerous. Back then, I took pics of the number that were left so I could compare and see if he was taking more - and yesterday (first time I'd looked at packet in a while), lots are gone. It was clear even without comparing the photos! I haven't touched them in a few months and can't say exactly when he'd have done it. Could have been just this weekend or several months before or anything in-between. It's not like he's just pilfered one or two here and there - an entire blister pack is gone. They are 'desirable' meds in the wrong hands and highly addictive. He would not be taking them for the same reasons as me. And yes, I should have hidden them (though they were in a drawer) but I trusted him.

We don't live together, 6 month relationship. He's early 40s (I'm 10 yrs older but not an issue). He has addiction problems - mainly alcohol (current and it's a problem, says he'll get help but doesn't, though he does want to change and for me to support him through this) and he admits to other drugs in past. We mainly get on brilliantly but are also in very different positions in life. Maybe that's part of the attraction for each of us - that we're so different, though also similar in many ways. It's not the first thing I've discovered he's taken without my knowledge (not meds previously and he claimed I knew about this other thing, but I most certainly didn't and to me it was stealing - he says not). He also owes me a few hundred pounds too, which I suppose I'll never see. I daren't even mention that now.

I've ended this r/s several times in the past because of the alcohol and other issues regarding his ex who he claims is his 'best friend' - though all his many female friends seem to be his 'best friends' and I feel played off against them. He doesn't much like it if I mention my male friends. He's always reeled me back or I've missed him and believed he'd change etc. There are lots of good things about him, but also negatives too. I do love him but this latest thing has given me a bitter taste. Again.

I haven't told him yet that I know about the meds. I'm struggling whether to tell him (it's a pretty big deal for me as I have trust issues anyway and he knows this). So do I tell him and, if so how? The 'kind and understanding approach', or 'angry and accusative/it's over' tack? I know he'll likely deny it or wriggle out of it by saying I gave them to him - which I certainly did not and wouldn't have, even if he'd asked. He's very much of the mind that things are 'share and share alike' with us (though that seems a one-way street in our r/s as I'm solvent and he's in debt) Am I being uptight about this or unreasonable? How do I confront him? Thanks MN xx

OP posts:
NaughtyLittlePassport · 30/04/2019 12:30

Don't confront, just dump him!

Hoppinggreen · 30/04/2019 12:32

He is using you in so many ways.
Please realise you are worth so much more and get rid of him

JudgeRindersMinder · 30/04/2019 12:33

Please get rid of him

notatwork · 30/04/2019 12:34

i am not sure I understand your question.
You tell us that your junkie part time boyfriend who sees other women has stolen drugs from you but you want to know whether or not to be cross with him or nicey nicey?
Erm. He's an unfaithful lying cheating thieving junkie. Call the police.

theworldistoosmall · 30/04/2019 12:36

You deserve so much better than this person. I know it’s not easy to dump someone you love, bit staying with him will only bring you lots of pain.

TheQueef · 30/04/2019 12:36

What are you doing? This guy is bad news all around.
Cut your losses before something else crops up.

AssangesCat · 30/04/2019 12:37

You shouldn't have to hide your prescription meds. You should be able to trust him around your prescription meds. It doesn't sound like it's going to get better on the whole, nor does it sound like it's worth the strife. He's trying to gaslight you on various things e.g. saying you gave him your meds when you didn't.

mimibunz · 30/04/2019 12:38

Block him and change the locks.

harriethoyle · 30/04/2019 12:38

All this in the first six months of your relationship?

The hills are that way >>>>>>>>

Mammatino · 30/04/2019 12:38

No. No. No. He is a user feeding off you in more ways than one. What is he going to take next? How will he manipulate you into taking the blame next? Addicts tell lies. Addicts only love and care for their addiction. He won't change for you. I hope you are going to be OK and cut your ties. Talk to a close friend and get some support staying strong enough to part ways.

Peachesandcream14 · 30/04/2019 12:39

Everything you've said about him sounds awful. Dump him and find someone better.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/04/2019 12:43

Not sure why you need advice. If this is the situation six months in, then this relationship is clearly a waste of your time. You should be in the honeymoon period. Dump him and move on.

MerryMarigold · 30/04/2019 12:43

Another voice saying the same thing. Go, go, go. Too many red flags to even mention. You don't need to bring this particular issue up at all, especially if he's going to gas light you on it. Just dump. And change your locks if he has a key.

RomanyQueen1 · 30/04/2019 12:46

A thieving addict, great catch OP.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/04/2019 12:47

See that big Key in your front door.. turn it until it Locks.. and block this filth.. and get some self respect ... you know this guy is ripping the piss. Flowers

cakecakecheese · 30/04/2019 12:47

Get rid. Immediately. You've given him enough chances. I'm not sure there's any need for a confrontation just inform him you're ending the relationship. If he has any stuff at yours bag it and get someone to take it over and if he has a key to your place change the locks.

Wolfiefan · 30/04/2019 12:48

You mean your ex. That’s the only answer to any of this.

lunicorn · 30/04/2019 12:48

Move on quickly.

BlueMerchant · 30/04/2019 12:50

Eurgh... Get rid. He sounds bloody awful.

LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 12:53

Thank you all so much for your quick replies... I think you are all the voices of what's deep in my mind but I'm too afraid to tell myself. I'll post again shortly with a proper reply as working... there's so much more I could say about all this and have been bottling up (probably more about myself and boundaries than anything!) but this has already helped me see more clearly. So hard though when there is that 'core love' there. Though I do think I was lovebombed rather... sigh. More soon and thank you xx

OP posts:
78percentLindt · 30/04/2019 12:54

Dump him. He is playing you- stolen from you, "borrowed" money from you and has huge double standards wen it comes to female/male friends. One red flag after another.
You run the risk of him claiming that you have been supplying him with drugs- especially if he has sold any on.
BTW , change your locks- addicts are very adept at getting hold of drugs by any means. He will have copied keys even if you haven't given him his own set.

SaskiaRembrandt · 30/04/2019 12:57

So he's an alcoholic, drug abusing thief, who owes you money and is probably cheating on you. Where did you find this prince amongst men and does he have a brother?

Being serious, he's an awful, awful person, dump him.

downcasteyes · 30/04/2019 12:58

The issue is not him lying about the meds. The issue is him being an untrustworthy addict who is also clearly emotionally attached in some way that makes you uncomfortable to his ex.

You don't need to get into an argument over this. You don't need to have it out. You can just walk.

LadyMinerva · 30/04/2019 12:59

So much has happened in 6 months. Imagine how much will have happened when 6 years rolls by......

Instincts OP. They are there for a reason. Trust them.

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 30/04/2019 12:59

He's a complete and utter disaster area. Get rid and change your locks as per PP.