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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BF has taken (stolen!) my prescription meds without telling me

85 replies

LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 12:29

First time poster but long time lurker/reader. And just as the title says really. I will add 'allegedly' but it can't be anyone else who took my prescription meds. I haven't taken any in months but needed one yesterday and found half the pack is gone. He knew they were there and he once took one (he told me just after he'd taken it) and I was shocked as he'd had a lot of alcohol and they definitely do not mix as dangerous. Back then, I took pics of the number that were left so I could compare and see if he was taking more - and yesterday (first time I'd looked at packet in a while), lots are gone. It was clear even without comparing the photos! I haven't touched them in a few months and can't say exactly when he'd have done it. Could have been just this weekend or several months before or anything in-between. It's not like he's just pilfered one or two here and there - an entire blister pack is gone. They are 'desirable' meds in the wrong hands and highly addictive. He would not be taking them for the same reasons as me. And yes, I should have hidden them (though they were in a drawer) but I trusted him.

We don't live together, 6 month relationship. He's early 40s (I'm 10 yrs older but not an issue). He has addiction problems - mainly alcohol (current and it's a problem, says he'll get help but doesn't, though he does want to change and for me to support him through this) and he admits to other drugs in past. We mainly get on brilliantly but are also in very different positions in life. Maybe that's part of the attraction for each of us - that we're so different, though also similar in many ways. It's not the first thing I've discovered he's taken without my knowledge (not meds previously and he claimed I knew about this other thing, but I most certainly didn't and to me it was stealing - he says not). He also owes me a few hundred pounds too, which I suppose I'll never see. I daren't even mention that now.

I've ended this r/s several times in the past because of the alcohol and other issues regarding his ex who he claims is his 'best friend' - though all his many female friends seem to be his 'best friends' and I feel played off against them. He doesn't much like it if I mention my male friends. He's always reeled me back or I've missed him and believed he'd change etc. There are lots of good things about him, but also negatives too. I do love him but this latest thing has given me a bitter taste. Again.

I haven't told him yet that I know about the meds. I'm struggling whether to tell him (it's a pretty big deal for me as I have trust issues anyway and he knows this). So do I tell him and, if so how? The 'kind and understanding approach', or 'angry and accusative/it's over' tack? I know he'll likely deny it or wriggle out of it by saying I gave them to him - which I certainly did not and wouldn't have, even if he'd asked. He's very much of the mind that things are 'share and share alike' with us (though that seems a one-way street in our r/s as I'm solvent and he's in debt) Am I being uptight about this or unreasonable? How do I confront him? Thanks MN xx

OP posts:
LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 14:38

He doesn't have a key or access to my house. I think the taking of my meds was more an opportunistic thing because 'he could' (not saying it's right at all, I'm very upset/angry about it), but it's not as though he's constantly needing a fix of something all the time - as far as I know. I didn't realise the alcohol was such an issue until a while after we'd met. And I'm not making light of this in any way or excusing it or changing my mind (just trying to be balanced), but he has a skilled job, which he does well and if you met him you'd think he was a perfectly decent/pleasant/friendly guy. Unfortunately (for me) encounters his ex in his work regularly each week. I'm not comfortable with this in the least because of the way their relationship was presented to me (but that may be my own 'stuff' from the past rearing its head) but he does mention her a fair bit/see her sometimes out of work and they message each other etc. I admit, I don't like it. I've told him this. And, rightly I think, he wants to continue to see friends that he knew before me. I must add here, I have no reason to believe he's cheated at all - though I do feel sidelined by this ex. Can't explain why - but a gut feeling. He does have a number of exes who are still friends, but it's this one that concerns me the most. Maybe because he talks about her more (until I told him I didn't like it) and has contact with her still through work. But no getting away from it, he does like a drink... far too much for me to be comfortable around. And clearly now an interest in other people's prescription meds.
And thanks for the book recommendation @AttilaTheMeerkat I'll take a look. So many comments and too many to reply to individually but all read several times and very much appreciated. Thanks!

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 30/04/2019 14:39

I honestly never expected things to turn out like this. And I'm definitely a rescuer! Though I must have some red-flag radar working or I wouldn't be feeling like this and about to end it...

Well that's progress then but you probably need to work on spotting the red flags before you get too invested. Do check out that book.

idontlikebirthdaycake · 30/04/2019 14:59

Everyone's said what I wanted to say... So I'm just going to add this: Stop making excuses for this Man. You can't help him conquer his addictions because he doesn't want to, the fact that he hasn't sought out any help proves that - I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. Toss him out and let him be someone else's problem

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/04/2019 18:38

Oh, for fuck's SAKE! He's been around for only 6 months, he's an addict, a thief, a liar and is probably cheating on you. And you've ended it several times in the very short time of six months, only to get back together again.

In what way is this a 'relationship'? You're being used and what's more you know it. Dump his sorry arse and block him from your life. Then go and find out why the hell you put up with this crap.

And if you're going to do some reading, I can also recommend www.psychotherapy.com.au/fileadmin/site_files/pdfs/SharkCage.pdf. It's a relatively short article, could be helpful.

MitziK · 30/04/2019 18:49

If they were painkillers, he was prepared to let you be in pain whilst he got a little buzz. If they were psych meds, he was prepared to let you suffer from the symptoms whilst he got a little buzz. If cancer medicines had the same effect or street value, he'd be stealing them from you even if it meant you would die.

Had an ex that stole meds. You note I say 'ex'.

TeaForTheWin · 30/04/2019 18:54

Ditch him, don't confront him (he'll only bullshit or give you a sob story). Oh and the playing you off against female friends, it's called triangulation. And it's common in people who have cluster b personality disorders (as is addiction co-incidently).

Drop him from your life and keep him dropped.

Ilovemylabrador · 30/04/2019 18:58

Nothing else to add. Run for the hills. Block, run and never contact again.

redstapler · 30/04/2019 19:02

BTW when you tell your GP this and ask for an early script they may think you're selling them. So I'd report him to the police and show the GP the crime number

Happynow001 · 30/04/2019 20:27

I know what I need to do and I most certainly will do it - and soon.
Why not now OP? Why give this leech any more headspace in your life? Expect more of yourself than this please? Being single is better than being with someone like this.

Great he doesn't have keys/access to your home. Now also tighten up the security on your social media accounts if any so he doesn't see your posts.

Also please don't be one of the Ex-es he still sees.. Once you've told him block and delete. Stay safe OP.

Good luck.

BambooB · 30/04/2019 20:30

Get rid.

Seriously not worth it. X

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