Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BF has taken (stolen!) my prescription meds without telling me

85 replies

LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 12:29

First time poster but long time lurker/reader. And just as the title says really. I will add 'allegedly' but it can't be anyone else who took my prescription meds. I haven't taken any in months but needed one yesterday and found half the pack is gone. He knew they were there and he once took one (he told me just after he'd taken it) and I was shocked as he'd had a lot of alcohol and they definitely do not mix as dangerous. Back then, I took pics of the number that were left so I could compare and see if he was taking more - and yesterday (first time I'd looked at packet in a while), lots are gone. It was clear even without comparing the photos! I haven't touched them in a few months and can't say exactly when he'd have done it. Could have been just this weekend or several months before or anything in-between. It's not like he's just pilfered one or two here and there - an entire blister pack is gone. They are 'desirable' meds in the wrong hands and highly addictive. He would not be taking them for the same reasons as me. And yes, I should have hidden them (though they were in a drawer) but I trusted him.

We don't live together, 6 month relationship. He's early 40s (I'm 10 yrs older but not an issue). He has addiction problems - mainly alcohol (current and it's a problem, says he'll get help but doesn't, though he does want to change and for me to support him through this) and he admits to other drugs in past. We mainly get on brilliantly but are also in very different positions in life. Maybe that's part of the attraction for each of us - that we're so different, though also similar in many ways. It's not the first thing I've discovered he's taken without my knowledge (not meds previously and he claimed I knew about this other thing, but I most certainly didn't and to me it was stealing - he says not). He also owes me a few hundred pounds too, which I suppose I'll never see. I daren't even mention that now.

I've ended this r/s several times in the past because of the alcohol and other issues regarding his ex who he claims is his 'best friend' - though all his many female friends seem to be his 'best friends' and I feel played off against them. He doesn't much like it if I mention my male friends. He's always reeled me back or I've missed him and believed he'd change etc. There are lots of good things about him, but also negatives too. I do love him but this latest thing has given me a bitter taste. Again.

I haven't told him yet that I know about the meds. I'm struggling whether to tell him (it's a pretty big deal for me as I have trust issues anyway and he knows this). So do I tell him and, if so how? The 'kind and understanding approach', or 'angry and accusative/it's over' tack? I know he'll likely deny it or wriggle out of it by saying I gave them to him - which I certainly did not and wouldn't have, even if he'd asked. He's very much of the mind that things are 'share and share alike' with us (though that seems a one-way street in our r/s as I'm solvent and he's in debt) Am I being uptight about this or unreasonable? How do I confront him? Thanks MN xx

OP posts:
gottastopeatingchocolate · 30/04/2019 13:01

I wouldn't go for either "nicey nicey" or "angry/it's over".

I would just tell him it isn't working out and not see him again. No drama.

BestestBrownies · 30/04/2019 13:02

Good grief, you really need to ask?

Ditch the fucking loser before he drags you down with him.

Want an easy way out? Demand your money back. You won't see the scrounging bastard for dust.

AudTheDeepMinded · 30/04/2019 13:02

It's funny because you don't SOUND stupid.
Get a grip woman, where's your self worth? Putting up with this shit 6 months in, are you insane?

StCharlotte · 30/04/2019 13:02

I know he'll likely deny it or wriggle out of it by saying I gave them to him - which I certainly did not and wouldn't have, even if he'd asked.

And gaslighting to boot?

Honestly love, block his number and forget you ever met him.

Flowers
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2019 13:06

I take it this is tramadol or similar. Dump him. Not just for this. For everything. You are worth far more than this loser!

PinaColadaPlease · 30/04/2019 13:06

I didn’t even finish reading your initial post as there’s only one answer to his one.

You already know what to do OP, I think you’ll find this to be one of the rare posts where the responses are unanimous.

He doesn’t want to quit drink or (presumably)drugs, he’s just using you to enable him.

Windygate · 30/04/2019 13:07

'Core love'? Nah you've been played by a liar and a thief. Find your self respect, you are not his rescuer

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2019 13:07

What have you got out of this so called relationship at all this past 6 months?.

Why have you valued your own self so poorly like this and why are you boundaries so very low here that this bloke managed to love bomb his way into your life?. He targeted you really.

What "core love" is there exactly?. Sounds like you are confusing love with codependency. You are his codependent enabler here and are playing out those roles to his being an addict.

pallisers · 30/04/2019 13:08

Why would you even have to think twice. He is an alcoholic who has stolen from you (and probably has a fairly dangerous prescription drug addiction too). Tablets left in a drawer and a woman who lends him money 6 months in - he must have thought it was christmas. Dump him with no drama, block him and think about what you really want in a man.

And make very sure he doesn't keep a key to your place. I'd probably change the locks if he ever had a key - he is an addict who steals.

Bluestitch · 30/04/2019 13:10

Bloody hell, raise your standards. I'm sure you can do better than a lying stealing druggie.

3luckystars · 30/04/2019 13:10

Try to get your money back first.

Ask him for a loan because you need to stock up on drugs.

Then drop him for good.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/04/2019 13:10

How was this person able to target you?. That is a question you need to figure out.

You cannot act as either a rescuer or saviour in any relationship because neither approach works. Any of your innate rescuing and or saving tendencies here have and will be used by him against you.

Stiffasaboard · 30/04/2019 13:12

Six months??

Six months which are meant to be when we see the absolute best of someone.

You will have a lifetime of hurt if you stay with this man OP and you know it.
It will only get worse. And you will find it harder to leave the more energy you invest.

Get out now.
No need to confront or explain

Just a simple sorry this is no longer working out for me, wish you well, bye.

Block and delete and be very wary of this type of man in the future.

Stay safe OP.

AhhhHereItGoes · 30/04/2019 13:13

I'm guessing we are talking tramadol, dodeine etc or a tranquiliswr/bento.

Either way he is not good for you.
You shouldn't have to hide medication from anyone under the age of 10.
You should be able to feel comfortable with your partner, not fearful they will drink/drug them self to death.
Life is too short to waste on those who will not help themselves.

AhhhHereItGoes · 30/04/2019 13:13

*codeine

OurChristmasMiracle · 30/04/2019 13:14

OP the fact that he has an alcohol issue and is now stealing prescription meds makes me think he may also have other addictions- maybe something like cocaine that he has been hiding from you.

The fact that he cannot be honest with you is a deal breaker for me.

Run whilst you can.

Ellie56 · 30/04/2019 13:15

So...

He's an addict
He's in debt
He owes you money
He still has some sort of attachment to his ex
He sees other women when it suits him
He tells lies about getting help for his addiction
He gaslights you

And now you've discovered he's been stealing your important medication. Just how bad a situation would you have been in if he had stolen all of them and there weren't any for you when you needed them?

He definitely doesn't care about you.

And all this after 6 months? Hmm.

This knobhead is a complete loser, a user and a waste of space.You can do far far better than him. You deserve better.

Don't bother confronting him. Just dump him and as PP above said change the locks. Addicts can't be trusted. And you know you can't trust him.

Bluntness100 · 30/04/2019 13:19

Jeez Op, I don't understand what you're doing here either. You're a woman in her fifties, with a druggie, alcoholic, stealing, cheating, lying boyrfriend.

What do you think people are going to say. No one is this desperate.

Bin him off and get some self respect back

DistanceCall · 30/04/2019 13:23

Get. Rid. Now.

And, for the love of God, don't get pregnant by this junkie.

DistanceCall · 30/04/2019 13:24

Oops, sorry, misread your age. Well, that's a plus at least.

VanillaCoconutDove · 30/04/2019 13:33

Do you think you can’t get better? Are you grateful that a younger man is interested in you? He’s no prize. It’s embarassing you are allowing yourself to be treated like such a fool.

Really embarassing.

Connieston · 30/04/2019 13:38

I agree this is a bit much for a 6 month relationship - never mind ending it - this relationship never really started by the sound of it with all the break ups and getting back together and ex's in the equation.

It sounds hard work and so trust your instincts, he's proved to be untrustworthy and no good can come of that.

LittleBeee · 30/04/2019 13:40

Just another quickie reply as I'm so grateful for all your responses. Yes, yes and yes a thousand times over - I agree with everyone totally. Can't argue with anyone's comments. I guess I was expecting this response and perhaps needed to see it in black and white to help me move forward and do what I need to do. I feel a bit (very) stupid tbh but I try to believe there's good in everyone - and I kind of still do here, but I don't want it in my life as it's submerged under so much other crap. He has issues, yes, and I feel sad about that, but agree that at 6 months in, it should be fun not filled with mistrust and anything near where I feel this has gone. I definitely need to do work on myself and my boundaries and feel rather ashamed I've let this happen. So many helpful responses here and all saying exactly the same thing. I know what I need to do and I most certainly will do it - and soon. Without drama or giving reason. I could have written lots more about this 'relationship' but that would have sent y'all into meltdown! I can take these comments on the chin as I know how true they all are and very helpful. Part of me should be crying over this, but honestly I'm not. I'm relieved really. I do believe he's a 'good guy' with a kind heart, but that, in the light of everything else, is simply not enough. I've been taken for a mug and that's that. Lol and no chance of me getting pregnant! I'll keep reading these comments over and over. Thank you MNers xx

OP posts:
pallisers · 30/04/2019 13:42

You shouldn't have to hide medication from anyone under the age of 10.

You shouldn't in an ideal world but it is far from that. off topic (and agree with all previous posters about the op dumping the man) here but all medicines should be locked up - especially prescription meds that have a street value. If anyone other than yourself has access to your house then they should be under lock and key. Opiod addiction is huge problem where I live and prescription drug abuse is a bigger problem than any other drugs with teens. I know people whose cleaner/repair man/friends of their teens have stolen medicines from bathroom cabinets/drawers. A box with a padlock is the safest place for them.

greenfamily · 30/04/2019 13:43

You sound quite worried about letting this man go - why is that when he's clearly such a wrong un?

I would exercise caution as someone upthread pointed out in terms of changing locks etc. Otherwise he will find all kinds of 'reasons' why he needs to come and take the rest of your meds plus anything else he fancies.