My boyfriend thinks I got pregnant on purpose.

[Claaiireey]

My daughter is nearly 1 year old now and now he’s telling me he thinks I planned getting pregnant with her... So I was taking the pill everyday I had an alarm set on my phone as a reminder but I’ve admit I did miss a pill in the packet as I remember I was out with work and my alarm was set to 5pm in the evening I used to take it when I used to get home from work (mistake on my behalf I should’ve taken it every morning - Lesson learnt I know take it every morning!) but anyway my alarm went and I didn’t have my contraceptive on me, obviously got home late as was on a work party and forgot all about taking the pill and obviously slept with my boyfriend and didn’t take the pill until the following evening! I should’ve gone and got a morning after pill, but hey ho I thought I’ve only missed one, I’ll be okey... obviously to find out a few weeks later I was pregnant....But he thinks I did something like stopped taking the pills on purpose, like I’ve planned this to happen because a few months prior to this we broke up because he didn’t want children. I’ve even admitted it looks bad and I can’t prove anything to him, but he is being mean towards me because he doesn't believe me. He says that he half believes me and half doesn’t as we were friends for 10 years before realising that we both wanted to be more than friends, so because he’s known me for so long he says he doesn’t think i would do something like it but at the same time he can’t help but think that I have done it on purpose.
A few years back (this is hard for me to say..) I lost my best friend to suicide, it hit me really hard and is even tried to take my own life and he stopped me... my head and my thoughts were in the wrong place when I tried doing that but I would never ever contemplate taking my own life again, i realised straight after it was a silly thing for me to attempt, im usually the girl who’s always smiling, always happy and I instantly regretted it, but he thinks now that I’m capable of anything because I went to do that and thinks that I’m capable of planning a pregnancy.

The thing is my daughter is here, she’s turning one this week coming and he absolutely adores her and says she’s the best thing thats ever happened to him, he says he loves me and wants to be with me but at the moment he says he has his days where he’s fine and others where he can’t help but think I’ve trapped him.
I absolutely adore my boyfriend but I would never be that person he thinks i am/become...I’ve cried a lot this past month and have told him on 3 occasions to leave if he doesn’t trust me.
But everytime i say that to him it kills me inside because I know I haven’t done anything wrong, and I wish there was a way I could prove my innocence. I don’t want him to leave because he is the most amazing dad and boyfriend but right now I’m stuck in limbo of what can I do to make this better?

But if you had sex know you hadn’t correctly take your birth control it’s not exactly an accident either

I was in a similar position many years ago. Now exh never forgave me for trapping him.
Even when we had planned dc later on. He resented me and our eldest dc. Never really bothered with any of them. Had a short term relationship with them when we split then he went nc with all of them...
Imo the stage is set for you op. Your relationship may never be what you want /deserve.

So he’s right then?

Obviously, it’s a two way thing and he should have taken additional precautions if he was that worried.

There's no actual way you can possibly prove that you didn't get pregnant on purpose. Your child is here, you both adore her, tell him to get over it and stop bringing up the past. If he really didn't want kids at all he shouldn't just rely on the pill anyway, it isn't 100% even the doctor will tell you that, so if he truly never wanted children he should of made sure he used a condom too, not put all the responsibly on you

responsibility ^

I don't think there's anything you can do about the way he thinks, OP. The point is, is he happy with the relationship? Does he want to stay long term? Obviously if he had it in the back of his mind that you weren't in a forever relationship, it makes it so much more difficult for him to split now that you have a child together. On the other hand, if he does want to stay with you, it doesn't really matter if you have a dc or not. Most people do.

Is he very young or immature? I think if this is going to carry on for much longer, I'd be saying to him he needs to leave. He obviously isn't happy, and the uncertainty is making you very unhappy as well. Maybe you'd be better off apart? (That may make him realise that he doesn't want to lose you and the dd, (who he claims to love so much)).

Actually the NHS website says if you've missed ONE pill only you're still protected against pregnancy even without using anything extra.

if you miss 2 pills then the problem occurs.

I have been completely honest with him and said I did miss a pill, baring in mind this is going back nearly 2 years ago, I just forgot about not having taken my contraceptive when I’m usually Very good at taking it and have not missed any before so it was a genuine accident.

Shiiit... that's why you use condoms too. Pill is a back up. You didn't plan it sure but how you could have forgot it for a whole day and an extra half day is beyond me. I mean fair enough till the next morning... anyway, I'd be off down the clinic asap but it's up to you.

He could also have had the snip, use condoms or refrained from taking part.

When you have sex you take responsibility for the outcome. That include babies and diseases.

He’s an adult responsible for his choices

We all feel a little trapped with young children- it’s part of the coarse, however he shouldn’t be taking this out in you

OP, he was quite happy to have unprotected sex with you. Some might say he deliberately got YOU pregnant. My point is, he can’t put all the blame on you, he was happy to get his willy wet and now he has to live with the consequences. How dare he say that to you.

🙄
He could use protection?
Beggars belief when men rely solely on the responsibility of the women fgs.
I can't believe he's still giving you shit for it now, he needs to get over himself!
I'd be considering wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone who made me feel shit for something that happened two years ago.
What on earth does he want.
Stop feeling bad and start telling him to get over it.

Wanting*

Relationships are based on trust and respect. He doesn’t trust you and he’s not treating you with respect.

If he was sure he didn’t want to have children and you’d even broken up over the issue why wasn’t he using condoms? The pill isn’t 100% effective, even if used exactly as recommended. You have a DD now, it’s done. He needs to accept that and move on. Repeatedly coming at you with accusations and recriminations isn’t achieving anything but upsetting you and damaging his relationship with you. If he can’t let go of his resentment then you need to decide if you really want a partner who keeps punishing you for something you didn’t do. Better that you’re happy apart, coparenting your DD than on and off as a couple with lots of angst.

He needs to either get over it or leave, he can't keep bringing this up.

Does he still have sex without condoms now?

Does he realise that even if taken accurately that pill isn't a 100% guarantee against pregnancy? ?

Your partner is being ridiculous. The likelihood of getting pregnant when missing one pill is slim, so to think that was a plan is frankly crazy.

Also - he thinks you're capable of anything because you were close to suicide once...?? That's even more ridiculous, it's comparing apples and pears, is insulting to you and so uncaring too. You were at your lowest ever ebb for very understandable reasons. It's absolutely nothing like planning a pregnancy behind someone's back.

He is being completely unfair to you - I know you don't want to break up, but ask yourself - do you really want to continue to spend your life with someone who is this suspicious and blaming?

So after reading your messages I’ll try to answer as many questions...
so we have still slept together after having my daughter and only myself using contraceptive, just being back on the pill.
About 3 years ago i switched to the pill as I had the implant in my arm for over 9 years and had no periods so I decided it was time to give my body a break back then, after having my daughter and discussing what contraceptive I wanted to use my boyfriend and myself agreed to continue with the pill, I made sure he was happy before deciding on it because I was happy to have the implant back in my arm, but he said he was happy for me to continue with the pill. So like before we continue to have sex with only myself being protected. I have not missed one pill since having my daughter, I have even said to him he should consider wearing condoms but he refuses. So like most people have said above the pill isn’t 100% effective, even when I found out I was pregnant nearly 2 years ago my midwife said it only can take 1 missed pill and sometimes even taking them all sometimes it still isn’t 100% effective.
When I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend asked me to have an abortion, and honestly I considered it because I wanted to take my boyfriends feelings into consideration, but I couldn’t take another life away knowing that a little heartbeat inside of me would grow to be my new little best friend. That was the reason I couldn’t go through with what he wanted me to do.
I’ve told him if he wants us to have any sort of future he needs to forget the past, stop thinking these awful things that he thinks I’ve done, I didn’t do this to hurt him, or to keep him with me because in all honestly I thought he would’ve run away and never looked back and I thought I would’ve brought my daughter up alone. But for him to tell me all of this now hurts me even more, I hope he can see past this and remembers the girl that I am and not the girl that he saw when I was at a all time low in my life, I’m far from that girl.

He’s still refusing to use condoms?

Have you been in any other long term relationships? Do you have anyone else to compare him to? He isn’t sounding so great.

You adore an arsehole, think about that. Contrary to popular belief amongst some men, contraception is a responsibility of both parties. He could have worn a condom but chose not to.

It sounds like he’s making a case to get out of the relationship by painting himself as the victim and you the perpetrator. You need to ask yourself why you are so invested in someone who isn’t as invested in you.

You didn’t trap him, he isn’t a victim and the price for staying with this arse wipe is him chipping away at your self worth.

It doesn't count as a missed pill unless it's more than 24 hours late. Even then you can take it when you remember even if it means taking it the same time as the next one.

Missing 2 pills means you are not protected. Never take 3 together.

So that wasn't why you got pregnant.
Anyway I could maybe understand a bit of that kind of talk from a man if you were just pregnant now, but the fact that your daughter is here and he has a relationship with her and is STILL going on like that does not bode well.

He’s making you feel guilty over a late pill which probably had nothing to do with your daughters conception.
The pill has a failure rate end of story.

Had this thrown at me just the other day by h, except he knows exactly what happened, I drank too much at a wedding, never occurred to either of us to take extra precautions, i remember saying I hoped I was still covered and he suggested I take an extra pill (which I did) an extra pill doesn't work

He's making no sense whatsoever. He's telling you that he thinks you trapped him and got pregnant on purpose, yet still merrily continues to leave all of the burden of contraception to you.

He's really not an amazing boyfriend. He's made you cry on multiple occasions because he's decided it's your fault that the unprotected sex he was/is so happy to have has led to a pregnancy. He refuses to take on any of the responsibility for contraception. And now he's got you thinking that you should be the one to make things better.

You're the one who's been taking hormonal contraception for years and gone through pregnancy and childbirth. He's refusing to spend even a few seconds putting a bit of latex on the end of his penis before sex, yet still maintaining that he's a victim.

Only he can make this better but he won't. He'd much rather keep you running around trying to find even more ways to put him first.

Did you tell him you had missed a pill at the actual time so he could abstain or use something else? Did you have a conversation about the morning after pill?

Yes he should have used something or got the snip if not wanting children so he was very silly but if as a couple you had agreed this method and he was in full knowledge at the time of the missed pills then he was in control of his own destiny.

If he didn't know then I can certainly see why he has trust issues.