My boyfriend thinks I got pregnant on purpose.

[Claaiireey]

My daughter is nearly 1 year old now and now he’s telling me he thinks I planned getting pregnant with her... So I was taking the pill everyday I had an alarm set on my phone as a reminder but I’ve admit I did miss a pill in the packet as I remember I was out with work and my alarm was set to 5pm in the evening I used to take it when I used to get home from work (mistake on my behalf I should’ve taken it every morning - Lesson learnt I know take it every morning!) but anyway my alarm went and I didn’t have my contraceptive on me, obviously got home late as was on a work party and forgot all about taking the pill and obviously slept with my boyfriend and didn’t take the pill until the following evening! I should’ve gone and got a morning after pill, but hey ho I thought I’ve only missed one, I’ll be okey... obviously to find out a few weeks later I was pregnant....But he thinks I did something like stopped taking the pills on purpose, like I’ve planned this to happen because a few months prior to this we broke up because he didn’t want children. I’ve even admitted it looks bad and I can’t prove anything to him, but he is being mean towards me because he doesn't believe me. He says that he half believes me and half doesn’t as we were friends for 10 years before realising that we both wanted to be more than friends, so because he’s known me for so long he says he doesn’t think i would do something like it but at the same time he can’t help but think that I have done it on purpose.
A few years back (this is hard for me to say..) I lost my best friend to suicide, it hit me really hard and is even tried to take my own life and he stopped me... my head and my thoughts were in the wrong place when I tried doing that but I would never ever contemplate taking my own life again, i realised straight after it was a silly thing for me to attempt, im usually the girl who’s always smiling, always happy and I instantly regretted it, but he thinks now that I’m capable of anything because I went to do that and thinks that I’m capable of planning a pregnancy.

The thing is my daughter is here, she’s turning one this week coming and he absolutely adores her and says she’s the best thing thats ever happened to him, he says he loves me and wants to be with me but at the moment he says he has his days where he’s fine and others where he can’t help but think I’ve trapped him.
I absolutely adore my boyfriend but I would never be that person he thinks i am/become...I’ve cried a lot this past month and have told him on 3 occasions to leave if he doesn’t trust me.
But everytime i say that to him it kills me inside because I know I haven’t done anything wrong, and I wish there was a way I could prove my innocence. I don’t want him to leave because he is the most amazing dad and boyfriend but right now I’m stuck in limbo of what can I do to make this better?

@RightYesButNo

I think it comes down to family upbringing.

He didn’t have a good family upbringing, he always moved around as a child and never really settled anywhere because he would never know when there was a change they would up and leave again.
He was brought up as a Jehovah and then when he turned a teenager his mother and father split and he knew he didn’t want to be a jehovah anymore, so also that has had a massive impact on him, his family not really close even though he’s 1 of 5 children.

I however got brought up in a very close loving family. Never moved and grew up in the same house with all my family in the same street more or less. Family is everything to me, where he had to defend for himself and money has become important for him I guess. I always tell him family means more than money, I think he’s slowly starting to see it but I think it scares him too! I think this is where he’s pushing everything away.. because he’s never had it? And now we are in a stable home, with our daughter and I celebrate Christmas and birthdays which he’s not used to and always wanted it... I guess he’s scared on being happy?! I know this sounds stupid! Because I just want to shake him sometimes and be like if this is what you want then you’re so close! So don’t ruin it!
But i think it definitely comes down to upbringing.
He’s in a really good job and he says he doesn’t mind going there and it’s very good pay, money is not a issue, even though I have asked if it is because I’m a stay at home mammy, I quit my job as it wasn’t worth going back to when I could spend quality time with my daughter.
All his friends have children and They were a big influence on him when he found out that I was pregnant, they told him it’s about time he grew up and become a man...
His family really like me, and I get on with them, I’ve had his 2 brothers live with us before. I think for him it comes down to his childhood, I don’t know a whole lot about his upbringing either because he doesn’t like to talk about it and neither do his brothers or his sister. It’s the only thing I can think it might be, I don’t think there’s another woman he honesty just wouldn’t have the time... I know people say they find the time, but he works nights Sunday- Thursday and in the days he’s home catching up on sleep and then spending the afternoon with my daughter and myself, he has a Friday and Saturday off work and usually spends it with us again Or on a Saturday he sometimes helps on a local farm helping a elderly man.
So I believe there’s no way he would find the time... he lets me use his phone (not that I’m searching for anything) but if he had something to hide then surely he would be more protective of it... I Do think he’s happy with us.
It’s just here and there he will bring it up that he thinks I planned my daughter, it is hurtful, it does get me really upset. I’ve told him that if he wants us to continue to be a family then those comments need to stop and for him to move on from it because I never intended to get pregnant when I did.
I agree he’s being a arsehole right now but I know deep down he isn’t, he really is loving and caring - not so much at the moment but I do hope we can get back to being how we were before. I know how hard it is adjusting to being a new parent too, I think I have been too soft on him here and there I’ll admit.
I just hope he will see that I never purposely got pregnant and that he can be happy with me and his daughter, he’s got everything he has always wanted and maybe that’s pushing him back because he’s scared & because he’s not used to this...

@Claaiireey It doesn’t sound stupid at all! Sometimes when all someone has known growing up is a toxic situation, it’s what they cling to, and they can sabotage their own happiness because they’re afraid of losing the happiness. They find themselves, maybe even subconsciously, deciding that at least if they walk away, that’s still them being in control of the situation. If everything else is good, maybe there’s a chance that this will pass, and it’s just him being afraid of how good things are? It doesn’t excuse his behavior towards you, but maybe it does mean you’ll be able to move past it if this is more his fear than a genuine belief that you’d “trap” him. I’d recommend counseling, if you think he might consider it. It sounds like he has deep issues of childhood instability that may keep coming up for the rest of your relationship, sadly.

yes

You may have read it, but you sure as hell didn't understand what you were reading.