The next stage of my life WILL be better...

[Dumbledior]

New thread for me to moan...

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Too busy with work?

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Oh no, I missed that

What a shame. Could you call them up today and see if they can change counsellor so you can both go? Or do you want to see him face to face to explain?

After waiting so long for the sessions and finally getting somewhere I'm gutted for you that this has happened. Hopefully the next counsellor will be the perfect one

Dior, I'd go with my instinct if you don't feel comfortable with this counsellor. He certainly seemed to take an oddly biased stance with you right from the beginning. Baffy's right - either phone them and ask if another counsellor is available and if not, take your mother in with you for a bit of moral support. It's YOUR session so you should be able to do this.

I'd also be a bit wary of H's new considerate behaviour. Could he sustain this once you're better - and if you say you want to make another go of it? And could you live with the hurtful remarks he made? His motives may be a little suspect - and he does seem to be a master of control. Sorry, I don't feel optimistic about him even though I've never met him and shouldn't venture an opinion.

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Ummm - sounds to me like he's getting scared about the future. I can see how hard his nice behaviour is making it for you to make a decision.

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Well, after all these years, there's no reason to rush any final decision - especially whilst you're still feeling poo. Might as well enjoy the attention - make sure he fetches you plenty of cups of tea tomorrow in between working at home. It's about time he did something for you - and make sure he cooks a nice proper 'home cooked meal' - not pasta !

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Then pasta you shall have - I was just remembering a time when you said your h didn't regard pasta as a proper meal - can't imagine why - the Italians regard it as proper, after all, and you can put so many sauces into it - or just have it with pesto (my dd's fave!)

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So how did it go? Odd in a good or bad way?

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Dior, no not fed up with you! Just really don't know what to say.

You're not happy. He says he will change but then nothing really happens does it?

Just hope the new Counsellor can help you sort out what YOU really want to do with this relationship.

Really, really hope you can get something sorted, although I appreciate you are so confused most of the time it's hard to know what you want.

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Sounds like the pressure you are putting on yourself to make a decision is adding to all your other troubles, tbh. Give yourself a break - and him a bit too maybe? It could be a case of 2 steps forward, 3 steps back with him, if he is trying?

And if in spite of him trying, in spite of Relate when you get back to it, in spite of everything - there comes a time when you decide you just can't go on, then you will be ready to deal with it. It just seems like you're not ready yet, so don't beat yourself up about it.

Poor you, it sounds exhaustingly painful.

Dior, sorry, I can see why you're torn when he says the right things - but then he says the wrong things! Do you think he can sustain his good intentions? But yes, you may as well wait till the new counsellor sees you - in case they can help bring him out.

I'm reading a book by a relate counsellor called 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'. It's about saving relationships that have slipped into mere affection and getting that lovin' feeling back - dp and I aren't quite in that situation, thank goodness, but when I saw it in the library, I thought, 'forewarned is fore-armed', and that it might give me a few pointers on preventing us going down the tubes. I can see already where exh and I went wrong - no physical intimacy & taking each other for granted. The book does stress this as a danger signal - and I thought of you. . Might be worth seeking it out? It only costs 8.99 or your library may have it.

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No one's going to get sick of you. Just want you to make the decision that's right for you, when it's right for you, and you're not ready for that at the moment.
So you need support in the meantime, and here we are.

Dior...I posted about my situation for the last couple of years; I have name change 3 or 4 times as I was so embarrassed about it being an ongoing situation! It's taken 4 years to get to the stage where he is away from me. You can only do it when you are ready. I left him in January, but I wasn't in the right 'place' to see it through, I simply wasn't strong enough. Now I am. And anyone who gets sick of listening to you doesn't really understand how bloody hard it is so don't worry about posting on here time and time again. There are many many women like you and me on here who have been through it and will completely empathise. You do it in your own time, and keep letting MN support you. Ok?

Beat me to it Turquoise!

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