Would this message bother you? And how would you expect your Oh to reply?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

Dp slipped up so he says and told his colleagues we're expecting another baby, small age gap so it's been a shock for us both.

Anyway, he had a few messages via WhatsApp congratulations and what not. He handed me the phone to read one from a mutual friend and in the process I saw one from a female colleague saying congratulations but followed by: bet that's a good year of no sex for you then and the emoji smirking smiley face. I was a bit hmm, he's not particularly close to her or anything and I'm not worried about anything else going on but it's not really appropriate is it?
But his reply was: I know right 😫. Which I'm more annoyed about. He said he took it as her joking about me getting pregnant so soon and replied in a jokey, Yep there's no chance she'll let me near her again way.

I don't actually know what I'd expect him to reply if I'm honest but I just feel like what he put is a bit disrespectful. But I'm pregnant and my hormones are crazy so don't know if I'm overreacting.
If I was one of his mates I wouldn't mind as they know us and I'd know it was said jokingly.

I wouldn't feel silly - as a previous poster said, if it had been harmless banter she would have put it in the group chat. I could never imagine saying something like that to a male colleague.

Eattothebeat has it right.

She thought enough, about how inappropriate her comment would be, to open another window and start a private chat.
About sex.
To a married man.
Who just announced his wife's pregnancy.
That's not a mistake, its premeditation. Predation.

Your husband may be absolutely fine and totally trustworthy, but she's bad news.

Dont ever feel silly about listening to your instinct to keep yourself (and your family) safe.

Don't feel silly OP, I don't think you need to worry either, doesn't sound like your DH is entertaining it at all but it is definitely an inappropriate comment! And I say that as someone who is really close to my workmates, has lots of banter, long nights of drunken personal chat and still would never think of making a comment like that esp to a friend of the opp sex about his sex life with their partner. And it's not at all the same as joking about chopping balls off as PP said. You are perfectly within your rights to feel how you have about it, but I don't think you need to doubt your husband.

Thank you! I'm normally pretty relaxed so think Dp was shocked it had upset me. Although he agrees it was a odd message, he really believes it was just banter and nothing more.

I do trust him and I really don't think I've anything to worry about. Even if he does end up going without sex for a whole year!

She's dog whistle girl.
Men can't hear her whistle, but we can.

www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a24736/beware-dog-whistle-girl/

I think it’s weird.
Don’t know wether that’s because I wouldn’t say something like that to another man, but I just find it strange.

^ YES!

Would never ever say this to a male colleague. Just way over the line of straying in to personal territory. You are certain they are not friends, perhaps more so recently?

I'd be reminding my DH about appropriate conversations to have in the workplace and when to wake up and see potential trouble way, way ahead.

And if it is a choice between my husband upsetting me or a fairly unknown woman in the office who is at fault, I expect my husband to know who to back up. You are pregnant, you don't need hassle. Shut it down now.

Yes, it would bother me, even though I was in a thread saying that a lap dance wouldn't.
I find it extremely odd that someone would use a pregnancy as a reason to ponder about a colleagues sex life.
If a male colleague privately messaged a female co-worker in the same way it would be grounds for calling them a few names.
I think the 'dog whistle' article sums it up well.

If it was banter she'd have replied in the group message. She didn't, she chose a personal one to message to your husband to make a nasty jibe about your sex drive. Your dh answered in agreement, she may misunderstand and think your dh is into her!!

Keep an eye on that one, and ask your dh to avoid like the plague.

picsinred thanks so much for the dog whistle article - so glad there's a term for it as I know a couple of these women and it frustrates me how men can never see through them.

They definitely aren't friends @poglets. They don't work closely or anything either so he doesn't see her often.
I know I wouldn't speak to colleagues like that and I'd be very shocked if they spoke to me like that. But Dp's work does seem very different and all the messages received were somewhat jokey.
Dp said he doesn't think she ever really posts in the group chat although she can read it as she's added. That's true because he never deletes messages and she hasn't messaged anything in it other than saying yes or no if she's been asked something by someone else. She wasn't the only colleagues to send a private message either although the others were male and didn't mention sex, as such.

I wouldn't have wanted Dp to say anything like, nah we're fine in that respect or imply we were always at it. I guess ignoring it would be the best response but then she's the one who sorts the wages so probably best he doesn't offend her 😂. She replied after 'poor you 😂' but he didn't reply to that and she hasn't sent anything else.

Ultimately her intentions with the message don't matter. Dp is the one with the commitment to me and I don't think his reply was him trying to engage in sex chat with her.
He's said he'll tell me if she messages anything inappropriate and he's very open in general with his phone/social media etc. I said I don't want him to feel he's got to tell me every little interaction he has with her or anything though. But if she starts offering her services seen as I'm out of action, yep I'd like to know.

Her response is even worse! She's basically laughing / telling him she feels sorry for him because "you wouldn't be up for it" - she's meddling and there's an undertone of her being up for it as Cleary sex is what she thinks about and what he should be thinking about despite pregnancy / young DC. She's also made an attempt to keep the chat going probably expecting him to respond "I know, poor me" type thing .....then on it goes.....so good that he ignored the second time.

She does like a awful lot of his posts on social media too though. I've never noticed before but this has made me have a look. I mean it's family stuff too but there a few she's commented on things that just seem for the sake of it.

Oh god! I'm acting like a paranoid jealous girlfriend, aren't I? I'm really not usually like this.
I won't mention it to Dp as he doesn't respond back and probably hasn't even noticed. I haven't until I've actually looked!

But I'd seen that message come through @KOKOtiltomorrow. So although he says he wouldn't have replied anyway, I don't actually know if he would have sent anything if I'd not seen.

Oh god that dog whistle article is spot on! Your DH sounds like he’s got his head screwed on though so I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about from his point of view. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Thank you @Thatnovembernight. He is good and I know that! I've never worried at all before but recently a good friend cheated on his partner and one of my friends found out her bf was actually married (she had no clue and has been with him almost a year). Then I saw that and I think I'm panicking myself unduly. He's a good looking guy and he's lovely with it not the macho player type at all. So it's not out of the realms of possibility that other woman may be on occasion be attracted to him, I'm not stupid. But I've never felt vulnerable before and I am doing at the moment, that's not his fault though. Well technically it is I suppose seen as he got me pregnant, again!

Oh yeah she's fishing with her "Poor you" line ....

I love the Dog Whistler idea, she is doing this! Luckily your dh seem a good 'un and you def don't come across as a jealous paranoid wife!

All is good, you're aware of her, I'd laugh with dh and say "You'd better watch this one, think she has a soft spot for you".

Just so he double thinks before responding to any messages from her.

All will be fine and she'll find someone else to whistle to soon enough, when dh can't hear it! :)

Thank you @TheGodmother. I'm feeling better and less paranoid now. Been out for lunch and a catch up with my friends and it's amazing what getting a bit dressed up and out with grown ups (without dc in tow) can do for your self esteem.

Bit of a update!

Last night Dp had a photo sent from his colleague, private WhatsApp again . She was very dressed up low cut, short dress etc and she'd put: what do you think? Too much? Followed by a few emojis. About a hour later she sent a message saying she was sorry that wasn't meant for him.

Dp showed me straight away and he didn't reply, she'd put the same photo on insta about half an hour before and he hadn't liked or commented on it or anything.
He came home early today as we had a scan appointment, so he had to call into the office to hand something over and he saw her. She called him over and apologised for sending the photo, repeated again it was the wrong person. He said "it's ok, thought it must be, me and not thought it was a bit weird".

I don't believe it was an accident at all but I'm happy with Dp's response so that's all that matters really. But the cheeky fucking cow, she only commented on one of Dp's photos of the three of us at the weekend saying 'gorgeous family' and then she's sending him photos like that.

Oh yeah, she's fishing but he seems to be aware and dealing with it well.

It's bloody cheeky though isn't it @Plipplopbop. When I saw her comment at the weekend I thought, aw I must have had her wrong and felt a bit guilty. Then she's sending almost x rated photos to my partner and the father of my children (ok not quite x rated, but still).

Dp thinks it's quite funny, not her doing it but my reaction. I'm usually the least jealous girlfriend ever, but it's just really annoying me.
Is it a bit much if I message her, back off bitch he's taken.

It's bloody cheeky though isn't it @Plipplopbop**

Indeed it is but hopefully she will now get bored now she realises she isn't getting attention from your DH

Oh the old "sorry that wasn't for you" message when she doesn't get the reply she is hoping for.

I think if she does anything else now he needs to tell her to back off he isn't interested at all.

She's definitely fishing - the old 'sorry that wasn't meant for you' is total bullshit. I'd be happy with his reaction though, he's told you straight away and not even attempted to engage with her.

Is it a bit much if I message her, back off bitch he's taken

I totally get how you feel and I'd be tempted to do this too but I would't. It'll just make you look like the crazy jealous wife and gives her opportunity to play the victim. If she's actually after him then she'll like knowing she's got to you. I'd ignore and carry on posting happy family photos, that'll piss her off more