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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Being warned off....?

93 replies

Sausage01 · 15/04/2019 22:17

First ever post of my own but long time lurker and occasional responder. I'm being a bit vague but its a wwyd.

A man that I pay for a service, have done for a while so we see each other regularly. We get on well and at some point we started using WhatsApp, just chatting about things in common, odd pics etc, not everyday but reasonably regularly.

About 6 months ago this reduced. All fine in person though. Then I got what seemed to be a gentle back off talk from his DW (who I don't really know). I was a little bemused as I'm not sure what I'm backing off from!

Recent increase in chat, mainly initiated by him. Then a passive/aggressive message on his whatapp to me from DW. Again, felt like back off but also telling me she reads his messages. I think that's weird and controlling.

To be clear, no sexual messages, I love you's, kisses etc and she has presumably read them anyway. WTF is going on and what do I do?!

Thoughts appreciated....

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 15/04/2019 22:19

You stop messaging someone else's husband!

HTH

Belle89 · 15/04/2019 22:21

Your a customer of his why message outside of that?

hairypaws · 15/04/2019 22:22

Ignore his messages unless directly related to his service. Speak to him in person, telling him his messages have to stop as they are clearly upsetting his wife and you want no part in that.

rosamacrose · 15/04/2019 22:22

I love you's and kisses?
Seriously?
You can't imagine how inappropriate that is?

anonforthespies43267 · 15/04/2019 22:23

If it was my husband I wouldn’t appreciate a customer engaging in regular ‘friendly’ conversation over texts outside of whatever service my husband was providing. Sure he would feel the same about me too.

RiversDisguise · 15/04/2019 22:23

She said NO I love yous or kisses

RiversDisguise · 15/04/2019 22:25

OP he is being unprofessional and the wife sounds pretty desperate and unhinged too.

I'd leave them to it and hire someone else.

Tahitiitsamagicalplace · 15/04/2019 22:25

Stop messaging him.

gamerchick · 15/04/2019 22:26

Just ignore his messages from now on unless they're professional. Tell him he's upsetting his wife so no more friendly chit chat from now on when seeing him in person

gamerchick · 15/04/2019 22:28

*I mean no more friendly chit chat via wotsap but tell him in person the messaging has to stop. Keep it professional

Scott72 · 15/04/2019 22:29

I don't think he's being unprofessional. But I don't think his wife is desperate or unhinged either. You should respect her feelings here and just break off contact with him.

SouthernComforts · 15/04/2019 22:30

What did the man say after his wife told you to back off twice??

Absolutepowercorrupts · 15/04/2019 22:30

Sausages01
Did you mean no sexual messages, I love you and kisses? It's not clear to me if that's what you meant.
If you've had a message from his wife, just back off

BoomTish · 15/04/2019 22:30

Given she checks his messages, chances are he’s been caught cheating before or she has a good reason to check in on him.

What you can do is stop engaging with him.

bellareena · 15/04/2019 22:32

Ironically, I've seen you comment on a few "cheating partner" posts and you always seem very eager to LTB
I am sure you said an EA (emotional affair) was cheating on one post....would you not class this as the early stages of an ea or the potential to get to sexting?
I think you know what you're doing is wrong.. texting another woman's husband. It's inappropriate sorry but it is

Mommaof2x · 15/04/2019 22:32

He probably said something which made her feel shit and sent it, maybe he likes you and it meant more to him

Livelovebehappy · 15/04/2019 22:34

Keep the relationship professional. I don’t blame his wife for warning you off. Maybe their marriage isn’t in a good place at the moment, but you being ‘bemused’ by her actions and continuing with the little chats isn’t helping the situation. I sense you’re finding it all highly entertaining.

OhMyDarling · 15/04/2019 22:35

Errr I think it’s him she needs to be warning off- you’ve done nothing wrong!
Also, just because someone is married it doesn’t mean they can’t ever receive a text from someone of the opposite sex!
You know she reads the texts... she knows you know she rewards the texts... he knows everyone knows! You aren’t interested in him, that’s it, no dramas!

Clearly he has form though, so maybe you are best off seeking another person for future work.

OhMyDarling · 15/04/2019 22:36

Reads, not rewards!

RiversDisguise · 15/04/2019 22:37

I didn't mean to sound so dismissive of the wife. She's desperate in the sense I think he has likely given her reason to be paranoid about what he's up to... or possibly not him but a former partner, who knows. It is ridiculous to message your husband's clients though- insane.

Not your circus, not your monkeys, OP.

I would get someone else and let him know why.

Bluebutterfly90 · 15/04/2019 22:39

I don't think it's unreasonable to be irritated at your partner private messaging another woman. I do think it's a bit odd to message you, it's the kind of thing they should sort out between the two of them.
Personally, I'd back off. It just seems like unnecessary drama. Best not to get involved.

adaline · 15/04/2019 22:39

If you only know him professionally and are aware he's married (and that the conversations are upsetting his wife) why on earth have you continued messaging him?

Livelovebehappy · 15/04/2019 22:40

Also find it weird that you have to ask ‘WTF is going on..?’. Would say it’s pretty obvious or are you being deliberately stupid? His DW has clearly seen inappropriate messaging between you both and is merely letting you know he is married and calling you out on your messages. I think you absolutely know ‘WTF is going on’.

Drogosnextwife · 15/04/2019 22:44

No "I love you's" does not hat mean the conversation could look Ike it was headed that way you just haven't got round to it yet? I find that a very odd thing to say.

Drogosnextwife · 15/04/2019 22:45

That, not "not hat"