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Relationships

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Original poster

Would it bother you that someone lied about their weight?

81 replies

occyyy · 10/04/2019 23:17

Hi,

Namechanged for this.

Met a guy online around a year ago now. We got on really well, but he was always very reluctant to meet up (we are from different countries) and it took about 3 months of regular phone calls and texts before I really felt super connected to him, to the point I couldn't think of anyone else. I was dating in real life and I felt bad because I didn't click like I did with any of them like I did with the guy online. However, like I say, very reluctant to meet which put me off. He said he had a lot on and would love to meet but has social anxiety ... I've seen Catfish and was just really put off. Especially as he only really sent a couple of face pics.

Anyway I kept talking to him because I genuinely loved our phone talks and then last month said he was coming here to meet. We met and it was bloody fantastic, exactly how I had imagined him. However he said that he had actually lost 6 stone over the period we had been speaking and that was the real reason for not meeting. AIBU for this to put me off? That he lied about that? Like he couldn't trust me to accept him how he was?

OP posts:

Musti · 10/04/2019 23:20

Well he was probably too anxious and lacking in confidence before he was at a weight he would feel confident with?

SosigDog · 10/04/2019 23:21

I’d wonder what else he lied about. And also whether he has loose skin after losing so much weight.

GemmeFatale · 10/04/2019 23:21

Did he lie outright or by omission?

TreaterAnita · 10/04/2019 23:27

So he didn’t actually lie about how much he weighed, you’re just cross that he made up excuses not to meet you when the real reason was his size? If I’ve got that right I think you are being unreasonable - any hang up he has about his weight is not a judgement on you, it’s about his own issues and I don’t think he’s really lied to you, just blurred the truth a bit for reasons which are probably very valid for him.

Redlipstickismyarmour · 10/04/2019 23:30

I can understand you feeling the way you do. However, I can also empathise with this guy - it must have been so stressful for him, wanting to meet and pushing to lose weight in order to do so.

I’d also consider whether it was less about your potential reaction and more about his own personal confidence. If he felt there was something between the two of you, he wouldn’t want to meet you when he didn’t feel like he was a good version of himself. Maybe he just felt you deserved better.
That’s not to say you owe him anything, if it puts you off him then you should go with your feelings. However, I think you should at least give him some credit for being honest about it when you met.

HappyLife21 · 10/04/2019 23:30

I’d be worried he’ll pile it all back on again.

Apoiads · 10/04/2019 23:32

Aw, I wouldn't worry. He was so knocked in himself that he thought nobody would like him. Now that you both got on, he could finally tell you why he hadn't met you.

alaric77 · 10/04/2019 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apoiads · 10/04/2019 23:35

If it's any help, I keep refusing to meet guys at the moment as I'm struggling with my health and my teeth need to be done. So I tend to deflect answering direct date requests.

Original poster

occyyy · 10/04/2019 23:38

Well we used to ask questions, about height etc and the only thing that was never asked was weight, so I actually said to him the only thing not asked is our body size and I said do you have an issue with it? He said no he's just "average". So yeah, it was a lie if he was 6 stone heavier than he is now.

He's a really great guy but lying is my biggest no, no. I also do worry will he gain if all back on now we have met? Not sure about loose skin, didn't really think about that.

OP posts:

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 10/04/2019 23:44

Meeting you gave him the drive to lose weight. He lost weight so he would look good for you. Did he send a fake photo?
personally, I think losing that much weight is fantastic , enjoy getting to know each other in person.

CupcakeDrama · 10/04/2019 23:46

could you not tell from his pics he was bigger?? I lost almost that much in the past and didnt have any loose skin.

MMmomDD · 10/04/2019 23:50

Come on, OP.

If he has been overweight for a long time - he is used to people judging him on his size and not who he is.
And - having met some he liked - risking that happening wasn’t worth it.
It is pretty impressive he pulled himself together and lost weight. A real statement to the strength of his determination and your importance in his life....
There are no issues or red flags there.
Don’t look for problems where there are none.

SandyY2K · 10/04/2019 23:51

This isn't a lie that would really bother me tbh. I can totally understand how he was probably self concious and embarrassed about it.

People judge and he's probably faced that in the past, so he assumed you could be the same.

I see it as connecting with you really motivated him to loose weight. He's lost 84 pounds and that takes hard work, dedication and commitment. It's admirable.

onlyk · 10/04/2019 23:54

He used the incentive of wanting to meet you to lose weight.

Yes it shows a lack of confidence but actually quite flattering to you. He wanted to make the best first impression and made a big effort to do so.

Give him a chance.

GroggyLegs · 11/04/2019 00:00

I also do worry will he gain if all back on now we have met

That's exactly why.
Clearly you would have had an issue if he had revealed his extra 6 stone and not got to know him.

I do agree that you should have been given the full picture, but the world in general's attitude towards fat people stinks, as shown on this thread.

He's now thin, but that's still not enough. Because he used to be fat. So he might be fat again (just like any of us with age, or illness or medication).

Its not right, but I don't blame him for his 'dishonesty'. He thought he'd given himself a fighting chance of a relationship, which he has even if you dump him.

Original poster

occyyy · 11/04/2019 00:01

It wasn't a fake pic no but it was just a face pic and honestly, I couldn't really tell he was overweight in them.

OP posts:

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 11/04/2019 00:01

Losing 6 stone is a fantastic achievement. For some just looking at a glass of water puts on a stone 😂 (voice of experience)

If you can eat everything around you,
whilst the select few (me included) just smell food and gain stones in their pockets then
sadly He is not the man for you.

Could you get him to share his tips on weight loss?

SandyY2K · 11/04/2019 00:19

Like he couldn't trust me to accept him how he was?

I also do worry will he gain if all back on now we have met

You've confirmed his thoughts.

If you don't want to be with him, I'm sure he'll have no problem finding someone else now he's lost the weight.

ConfCall · 11/04/2019 00:25

I really admire him. I need to lose a stone and I’m prevaricating. To lose 6 is impressive. Give him a chance.

MrsHass · 11/04/2019 00:33

Would you have accepted him as he was?
You’re already worrying about him packing it on again, so I’m guessing not.

Gingerkittykat · 11/04/2019 00:48

He deserves better than you, You're concerned about him putting the weight back on, he needs someone who will accept him whatever size he is.

Original poster

occyyy · 11/04/2019 00:49

Oh of course, a 6 stone loss is fantastic. I'm not knocking that. Honestly honestly? 6 stone heavier? I don't know... that's quite a lot and I'm not being judgy when I say that at all.

OP posts:

MashedSpud · 11/04/2019 01:06

Imagine if the op was a man saying a woman lost six stone to have the confidence to meet him and was now concerned she would gain it back again.

Original poster

occyyy · 11/04/2019 01:16

The main issue isn't that he will gain it back. It's the fact he lied and just said he's "average" and he didn't want to meet because he was busy and had social anxiety. He never said oh I'm a bit overweight, even if he never said to the extent of it. Lying is a big deal for me and that's the thing I'm kinda having a problem with right now

OP posts:

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