Would it bother you that someone lied about their weight?

[occyyy]

Hi,

Namechanged for this.

Met a guy online around a year ago now. We got on really well, but he was always very reluctant to meet up (we are from different countries) and it took about 3 months of regular phone calls and texts before I really felt super connected to him, to the point I couldn't think of anyone else. I was dating in real life and I felt bad because I didn't click like I did with any of them like I did with the guy online. However, like I say, very reluctant to meet which put me off. He said he had a lot on and would love to meet but has social anxiety ... I've seen Catfish and was just really put off. Especially as he only really sent a couple of face pics.

Anyway I kept talking to him because I genuinely loved our phone talks and then last month said he was coming here to meet. We met and it was bloody fantastic, exactly how I had imagined him. However he said that he had actually lost 6 stone over the period we had been speaking and that was the real reason for not meeting. AIBU for this to put me off? That he lied about that? Like he couldn't trust me to accept him how he was?

So, you met him online through a mutual interest. You've been dating other people. In a year you never exchanged photos of more than a face shot.
You are both single.

Sounds pretty unlikely.

Do you now think you are in a relationship with him? Is that the premise? How and when did that aspect get discussed if so?

Because if he was just an online acquaintance when you asked him his weight, which is bloody odd in itself, then the fact he lied isn't really important, is it.
But if it was after you accepted you were going to start a relationship together, that's a bit different.

Would you have agreed to date him if he had been honest about his weight?

I don't really think this is lying.
It's not like he sent you a picture of him super slim or said he was slim. His weight was hardly mentioned, saying he was average once isn't what I would classed as lying. And he has lost the 6st now, so again it's not like he turned up as the original weight, and he was actively losing weight, he was aiming to meet you at average. Maybe he felt he was average at that point.

Whilst I agree we are allowed to not date someone for whatever reason we like, if you genuinely get on really well I don't see how his weight is relevant.

I think you don't like the fact he was overweight. And you are trying to justify this, it's okay if you don't want to date him because of his weight but you have to admit it's not because he 'lyed'

OP, I totally get why you are not comfortable because of the lie. It's like people who lie about their age or their job or anything else to trick you into an online relationship - I really don't see why everyone is thinking this is any different because it is about someone being fat.

We will never know whether the OP would have continued with the friendship/relationship if he had admitted his real weight, because he didn't give her that opportunity.

I say this kindly as somebody who has done a lot of OLD, you shouldn't have put yourself in the position where you grew close to somebody you had not met in the context of both of you looking for a romantic connection. You were just talking I know but the subtext was that you'd meet and hopefully like each other and you did meet and did like each other but now, instead of it being a situation where you met and held back a bit of yourself, you FEEL (I guess) that you've offered yourself up and now you have to find a REASON to withdraw. And I completely understand that you'd want to! You have grown close in a behind the keyboard kind of way rather than face to face. It's different. You're bound to have an overshare hangover.

Is he American, when he said average , he might have been pretty average for an American guy, as average there seems to be bigger than here!! Seriously OP does it matter .