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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I be worried?

92 replies

ChocChick8 · 09/04/2019 15:57

Hello, to be honest I’m in a complicated situation. I met my current DP at work while he was married, but quite unhappily and thinking of separation. At most, our connection and feelings made him fonally take the step and separate, but he wanted that before me, I’m 100% sure. I very quickly accidentally got pregnant and he left his family - he has an 8-year old daughter he loves very much. That was a little less than a year ago. I now had the baby and I am so happy, but he has seemed distant for a while and I’m worried he’s in touch with his ex. What can I do? Could it just be me being over emotional because I just gave birth?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2019 15:59

It could be emotional or it could be you are on edge because of how you met him and you know he has form.

Picklypickles · 09/04/2019 16:00

Well, to be blunt you know that he is quite capable of walking out on his family for another woman. You're always going to be worried, you have good reason to be.

Original poster
ChocChick8 · 09/04/2019 16:11

Do you think his ex might want him back though? When she found out about our relationship and the pregnancy she was very upset and kept communication about their child and nothing more. Could this have changed?

OP posts:
katy78 · 09/04/2019 16:15

Do you think his ex might want him back though
Irrelevant if you trust him. Do you?

monkey1978 · 09/04/2019 16:16

It could be any woman, why do you only think it could be the ex?

AvengersAssemble · 09/04/2019 16:17

You broke his family up, and now your worried how he is treating you?

SparklyMagpie · 09/04/2019 16:18

No wonder you're worried. Any man who can just have sex and then up and leave his wife a child, I wouldn't trust him with a barge poll full stop

Chocolateisfab · 09/04/2019 16:19

Unfortunately that old saying there is a vacancy is a valid one imo.
Maybe he feels extremely guilty now he has a baby full time and not his other dc?

IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 16:20

Why do you think it’s his Ex not someone else?

SparklyMagpie · 09/04/2019 16:20

Oh and I wouldn't expect him to stick around OP, give the situation an how easy it was for him to leave his family behind, I cant see him sticking this out

PositiveVibez · 09/04/2019 16:21

It's not his (ex?) wife your should be worried about.

I wouldn't trust anyone who can make a decision that quickly to get another woman pregnant and walk out on his family.

Original poster
ChocChick8 · 09/04/2019 16:24

I think it’s his wife because he loves his child with her, and I know his work, I work there too, he doesn’t have time to meet someone. I know he feels bad for what he did, lost friends etc

OP posts:
LumpyPillow · 09/04/2019 16:25

Youre asking questions that no one here can answer any better than you.

Anything is possible. It might be the ex, it might be someone new, it might be something else. You need to stop speculating/adking questions people can't possibly know the answer to and speak to your partner. Thats the only way.

Original poster
ChocChick8 · 09/04/2019 16:25

Pregnancy was an accident but I wanted the baby. I am so happy to have him.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/04/2019 16:27

He met you at work. Why do you think that he doesn't have time to meet anyone else?

But I have to say this - if you are sleeping with a married man then you both should be honour-bound to make sure a pregnancy doesn't happen.

booboo24 · 09/04/2019 16:27

Yes quite possibly, I was gutted when my ex husband left, I hated him! We get on fine now though and we are still friends which is great for the kids. She won't have remained bitter. Whether she wants him back is irrelevant really, if that's all you can base his fidelity on then you're in trouble. How you started out means you're right to be worried.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/04/2019 16:29

I am so happy to have him yes he sounds like a catch

Summersun89 · 09/04/2019 16:31

Karmas a bitch

formerbabe · 09/04/2019 16:32

If you got pregnant quickly, he's straight back into family life isn't he? When he met you, he was probably hoping for a fun carefree time without all the stresses family life brings, instead it's just the same but with someone he knows less well....I'm really sorry to be blunt and its not a dig at you, just my take on the situation.

LexMitior · 09/04/2019 16:46

Yes, the last poster has it. Men don’t typically have affairs to have babies. It may have made you happy, clearly he doesn’t feel the same. He will feel regret as you yourself have said.

People aren’t great at thinking about the future, which is why we should for signs of commitment in prospective partners. You don’t have this situation, but you have a child.

How does his family regard you?

Original poster
ChocChick8 · 09/04/2019 16:50

I’m not close to them, his family

OP posts:
LexMitior · 09/04/2019 16:52

Then that tells me they don’t expect it to last. Otherwise they would engage with you and the child. It’s a brave man who dismisses his family, after all.

Littleheart5 · 09/04/2019 16:58

I find it hard to understand why you’re surprised? “unhappily married/ thinking of separation” surely these are the oldest lines in the book?
Sad to say but there is an element of karma to this. Imagine how his wife felt

choli · 09/04/2019 17:00

Maybe he feels that the "accidental" pregnancy forced him to make a rash decision that he would not have made otherwise.

MsDogLady · 09/04/2019 17:12

...but he has seemed distant for a while

His wife likely thought the same when he was carrying on with you.