I want to givw birth in the UK. Causing strain in relationship. Advice?

[JustWantToGoHome]

Hello,
I was born, raised, studied and love England. My family all live there and it is and always will be my home. I am a very proud British person.
I now live in France, have done for a year and a half because my partner has always been into travelling and wanted to settle abroad. I relunctantly agreed to give it a go. He is happy and loving life whereas I'm 'happy' but i do feel lonely and i was very close to my parents and little sisters (10 and 12).
I am 3 months pregnant. Very happy! But i've always told my partner I want to be in the UK when i give birth as I want my parents and sisters and his family to see our baby the first day of life. I am so passionate about this!! And this has always been a conflict of ours - not majorly but it's always been a slight disagreement for us.

He thinks i'm selfish for wanting to get a plane back to the UK whilst pregnant and that he is putting the baby first and wants the baby born in France.
But i wouldnt fly home when i'm heavily pregnant and close to labour - it'd be about 2 months in advance.
I want my parents, the grandparents, to be there.
I want to spend a few weeks at home visiting family and friends and parading their new family member.

I have compromised moving abroad for him, which he was passioante about, all i ask for is to have my baby at home and to spend a few weeks with family.
Of course I want him at the birth so i was hoping he'd agree to come with because if he refuses, i'll have no choice but to give birth in france since it's his baby too and of course he is first priority on seeing the baby. I just am so close to family and i'd always regret them not seeing my baby.
Of course they could fly out, but asking mine and his to all fly out when i could be overdue or give birth early seems complicated to organise when i could just fly home 2 months in advance.

Advice please??

Will Brexit affect either of your work options in France? Any chance it would require a return to the UK?

French citizenship isn't automatic.

Well, if you're really lucky, Brexit will f* things up so badly that your bf will be chucked out of France.

But otherwise, you're in a similar situation to women who move within the UK to be with their partner. You want your child to have a relationship his/her father, just like the one that is so important to you - so if you break up, you stay near him and suck it up. Or you move towards your mum and dad, but not so far away that he can't visit.

I've been reading stories of women who have spent so much money on court battles and are not struggling to fund housing and food
The law is so clear on the fact that you can't just run off to another country and deny your child a father that you would surely not be having any court battles over that?
You have a job in France. You can speak the language reasonably well, I guess? You are not in the position of trailing spouses who don't speak the local language and have a very low chance of making a living, and are thus totally reliant on their (ex-)husband.

I obviously hope and my boyfriend dont break up but is it worth the risk of staying i france considering loads of couples break up??
I don't understand - you've already taken the risk of having a baby with a dad who's living in France. How would going to the UK be avoiding a risk?

I just am so close to family and i'd always regret them not seeing my baby.
Presumably you want your baby to have that same close relationship with his/her dad - and would not want him/her to regret not seeing his/her dad?

Oh my you have got yourself in a right situation haven't you.

If you cannot imagine living the rest of your life in France. Go back to live and have your baby in the UK.

Think about your baby, not just yourself.

You might not be able to imagine living the rest of your life in France, but a) with any luck you'll live more than another 18 years so it won't be the rest of your life, b) maybe your bf will go back to the UK after all and c) even if you do stay there, it's not a life sentence unless you choose to make it one.

I wasn't planning to live abroad in the long term and definitely had quite a few setbacks and panicky moments, but now the kids are young adults and I could go to the UK, I'm not going to. I'm divorced but did not spend huge amounts on any court battles and am not living in abject poverty.

It's a big decision, having a child with someone who lives in another country, but it's one you've already made. You can't undo it by going to the UK.

Sorry, i had to smile. When you give birth all you want is privacy, to be quietly at home with baby, no parading babies around and visiting. She will be feeding every two hours. You will be absolute knackered. Getting used to the new reality is hard. Also I want my partner at the birth, not my mum. (I adore my mum). I don't think you are being very realistic about the question.

Don't stay for reasons of healthcare! If you feel homesick now, you will feel much more homesick when you have a baby and miss the support of your family. It's a miserable business being a mum in a country that doesn't feel like home, and much worse if you're a single mum.

Your relationship sounds doomed already, and leaving now would give you several months to settle back into the UK before the baby is born and come to an agreement about access with the baby's father.

Live where you will be loved and supported, where you have the chance of a career you enjoy and have a future you can look forward to.

The relationship certainly would be doomed if she fucked off back to the UK, taking her bf's child away from him, or his chances of living in the country that she knew all along he had made his home.

Cross-border families get very complicated when one half of a partnership is not happy away from home. It's too late for the OP but it is important to talk about where you want to bring children up before you have them.

OP sounds unhappy already. Having a baby won't suddenly make her love her life in France, it'll trap her there. It's time for a very honest talk about the future.

It seems like everything with him has been his way and you have done all the sacrifice. You gave up the career you wanted. You gave up a marriage and a wedding. A relationship needs to be a 2 way street if it is going to work out.

Also, you did get with him at a very young age 19? and people change a lot in their late teens and early 20s.

I'd go home and have your baby in the UK surrounded by your family and friends.

@JustWantToGoHome
OP your user name says it all. Plus the fact that you have blithely followed your partner to live in another country when, at heart, that was the last thing you seem to have wanted.

You are unmarried, would be, I assume, dependent financially on him during maternity leave, are less confident/committed to the life he wants, unhappy with your life, except that you love him, etc.

but Everything will be fine in the end
Not necessarily- as you've found looking at The Hague Convention.

You do need to be a little less emotional and more practical whilst working your way through this and I'd suggest you getting proper legal advice (discreetly but quickly) to help you decide what you need to do as this will affect both you and your baby.

I hope you manage to find your way through this OP - good luck for the future.