Partner went mad at me because I told him he should tell the DVLA

[ElektraLOL]

That he has MS. He told me he had it when we first met. The other day he told me that he won't tell the DVLA he has it because it will affect his insurance. He generally doesn't tell anyone he has it. I told him he should tell the DVLA because otherwise he could get into trouble if he were to have an accident.

He started telling me to shut up and said I'm threatening him! I'm not - I'm just telling him to cover himself. He then said that he doesn't have it because he doesn't have an official diagnosis. So why tell me he has it then?

Generally, no. He just mainly drives for work. Which is most of the day.

Bookworm4
OP has said that he sometimes has to take time off WORK due to exhaustion.

It really sounds OP that you two aren’t a good match and you would be much happier without him. This really jumped out at me: But if I break up with him that's wrong too. It’s not wrong to leave a relationship that doesn’t work.

I have MS it does not affect my insurance. They give you a 3 yea licence the neurologist signs to say your ok to drive, job done - and if he hasn't told the Insurance company? And if he hasn't seen a neurologist?
I am also required to tell my insurance company. As far as I can tell, it hasn’t made any difference to my premiums (that would be disability discrimination). - it would not be 'disability discrimination'! What rot. Loads of things affect your premiums - points on your licence, age, experience... Illness. It would be 'protecting the rest of us from people who should not be driving'. If you have an illness which affects your ability to see, to control a car or stay alert behind the wheel, you should not be driving.
If he hasn't told your Insurance company, he has not given them all the information they need to assess him. And if he hasn't even told his doctor, or accessed any help/medication he needs to control the illness, he is putting the rest of us at risk.

He has vision problems and he still drives? Report him now, before he hits and kills or injures someone. Then LTB.

And LTB anyway for being a stupid thick conspiracy-theorist.

He doesn’t sound very nice OP

@ciderhouserules, it would be disability discrimination as it is not up to insurance people to decide who can or can't be driving. That is dvla job, and if they decide you are fit to drive then it should not count against you. They write to consultants & gp and ask about your health if you tell them. Dvla are more scarier than insurance to me. Insurance people don't pull people in jail but dvla can. For example, if I as a type 1 diabetic don't follow the rules of checking my sugar at least 2hr before driving I could get arrested and charged for driving under the influence of drugs, if caught by dvla. The worst insurance can do is wash their hands of me. Anyway, I always check before driving as I don't want blood on my hands.

Your mum is right, he is very wrong for you.
He sounds horrid. Please leave, you don't need his permission.

Truthfully - if you want to get to the bottom of it you are going to have to go to CAB. My mum fell over and was found by her neighbour reportedly having a fit. The paramedic recorded it as a fit, the medical staff had a duty to inform the DVLA and they took away her license for a year. She vehemently denies it was fit and thinks they overreacted. It doesn't matter what she thinks or feels. The fact is you have to he safe to drive on the road. It is absolutely not about insurance.

Its about whether DVLA deem him fit to drive.

Honestly you should tell the DVLA. If there was an accident and someone was seriously injured, it doesn't bear thinking about.

finalyfine of course it's not disability discrimination! Is it Age discrimination to load the premiums of a 19yo, as opposed to a 25yo? My friend has epilepsy - it was controlled by drugs and she could drive; her premiums were loaded as she is more at risk of an accident (caused by seizure) than I am. She now can't drive, as her illness is no longer controlled - is that Disablist?

My son is vision impaired - is it disablist to stop him driving? If he was borderline impaired, he would still be paying higher premiums because he is more at risk than a normally-sighted person.

That is how Insurance works. If they are told (and in this case they haven't been) then they will assess and mathematically calculate how much more 'At Risk' the insured is. It is not discriminating against them.

DVLA are informed by the doctors (or should be) and Insurers will have Tables and Calculations to assess how much it will cost (not IF) the insurer should be driving. DVLA will say if you can; Insurers will calculate whether the information impacts on your driving and on others on the road. And how much you should pay to mitigate the possibility of them having to pay a claim made by you.

If the OPs DP hasn't told doctors, DVLA or his insurer, he is driving without insurance (because the Insurers will NOT pay out on a claim, in which they find out that they haven't been given information which may have led them t load the Premium or even reject the insurer.

Driving has so many flaws in the process. How many people have an eye test every year ? How many people go to the doctors every year for an Not ? In the UK when you reach a certain age, you are able to self declare yourself ok to drive and this continues every 3 or 5 years. How many people drink or take drugs or both & drive ? This is effectively what your partner is doing every day. Who is going to stop him driving ?

Not - should say Mot

The 'spirit' is concerning. Is he from a culture that goes in for spirits as an explanation for many things?

Dunp him and report to the DVLA. From what you described he’s not fit to drive.

OP, I think it's time you started taking your mum's advice. This guy is not right for you. Being good looking and occasionally nice is not good enough reason to be in a relationship. Time to say goodbye to this man, spend some time looking after yourself and building your confidence, and then look for another partner who has some redeeming qualities. Please don't stay with this man just because it's a 'habit'.

'The 'spirit' is concerning. Is he from a culture that goes in for spirits as an explanation for many things?'

Nope, not at all. He has now been really nasty. Screaming at me etc.

Walk away now, pack a bag and go to your mums, you've no kids to tie you to him, go.

@ciderhouserules I told my insurance company I had MS, the premium did not go up I’m just stating facts as one of the OPS comments was her DH said his insurance will shoot up. Mine didn’t and out of interest on a comparison site When it came to renewal I added my 3 year licence/MS diagnosis and quote without there was no change in price. I would imagine those of us with 3 year licences May possibly be considered a lower risk in that we have regular medicals etc and our licences would be revoke dignity straight away if we were found to be unsafe. Yet there are people driving around who are not fit to drive yet have full licences. Just my experience and my opinion.

Apparently, there are rarer effects of MS that affect people psychologically due to the lesions occurring in certain areas of the brain.

And there's no reason why somebody with a Schizoaffective type disorder wouldn't be able to be severely mentally ill AND have MS.

In any case, he sounds worryingly out of control and quite possibly exhibiting signs of psychosis, for whatever reason.

For your own safety, I'd suggest leaving and, once you're safe, letting both his GP and the DVLA know of his symptoms.

He's not horrid because he has MS; he's horrid because he's horrid.

Just think of this: you will never meet the right man while you hang on to the wrong one.

If you want the rest of your life to be like this, then carry on as you are. If you want a rosier future, leave him. No matter how difficult staying at your mum's temporarily might be, it won't be as bad as this.

There are 4 types of MS. Relapsing, Secondary progressive, Primary progressive and progressive- relapsing. In order to formerly diagnose the condition there needs to be leasions in 2 places. Primarily the brain, the spinal chord and/or the central nervous system. It sounds to me like he was officially diagnosed with the brain leasions but hasn’t had a follow up MRI to confirm secondary leasions (as he’s in great denial about it all) and therefore he doesn’t actually have an official diagnosis.
It can take 2 years to officially diagnose!
He’s obviously worried he’ll lose his job/ not be able to drive if he does get the full diagnosis. The problem is, if he causes a fatal accident he will be in deep shite! He needs to stop being so pig headed, get his head out of the sand and get the official testing carried out!

Your mum is right, he is very wrong for you.
He sounds horrid. Please leave, you don't need his permission.

Agreed. You deserve so much better.

But if I break up with him that's wrong too.

He doesn't get to say if you want to break up.

OP, I think he's bad news, and the more you write about how he's acting, the more worying it seems.

Please heed your mum, pack your stuff, and leave. Or, if it's your place, make him leave.

Urgh. MS or not, walk away from this relationship. He’s a nasty bastard.

Screaming at you?! That's enough reason to dump him this second.

Do you live together?

It's not wrong at all to protect yourself and leave a fucking idiot, whether he's a fucking idiot with MS, a fucking idiot with MS and a severe mental illness or he's not fucking idiot, but is behaving like one because of either MS or a severe mental illness, NT or ND.