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Original poster

Partner went mad at me because I told him he should tell the DVLA

131 replies

ElektraLOL · 04/04/2019 23:10

That he has MS. He told me he had it when we first met. The other day he told me that he won't tell the DVLA he has it because it will affect his insurance. He generally doesn't tell anyone he has it. I told him he should tell the DVLA because otherwise he could get into trouble if he were to have an accident.

He started telling me to shut up and said I'm threatening him! I'm not - I'm just telling him to cover himself. He then said that he doesn't have it because he doesn't have an official diagnosis. So why tell me he has it then?

OP posts:
Gardai · 05/04/2019 00:22

I don’t understand how or why you would disclose to the dvla if you haven’t a diagnosis ? He’s defensive probably because he’s not being truthful and an old letter proves nothing.
But it’s not your job to be investigating him, if he can’t tell the truth and you are happy to stay with him then crack on.

Original poster
ElektraLOL · 05/04/2019 00:22

'please tell him that steroids taken during the time of a relapse almost halts the condition in its tracks.'

I have told him, I have tried to help him but he just goes on about big Pharma.

OP posts:
EchoCardioGran · 05/04/2019 00:25

Of course MS is recognised as a disability.
He sounds awful and a liar and a bully.
I'm with your Mum on this.
If he is unkind about your Aspergers that is dreadful. Please don't put up with that.

EchoCardioGran · 05/04/2019 00:29

Ok, " big pharma" has given it away a bit further to me along with claims of strangulation and spirits and his seeming paranoia. Not that anyone can diagnose over the internet of course.
Does he hear voices at all?

Acis · 05/04/2019 00:31

Consultants' letters tend to have a heading which is a list of diagnoses. Was that in the letter you saw, or did it mention a diagnosis anywhere?

Acis · 05/04/2019 00:32

I hope for your sake you never get into a vehicle with him? He sounds like a horrible accident waiting to happen.

Original poster
ElektraLOL · 05/04/2019 00:32

No, @Acis it just mentioned brain lesions

OP posts:
Original poster
ElektraLOL · 05/04/2019 00:33

He's never said that he hears voices

OP posts:
Acis · 05/04/2019 00:35

He should tell his insurers and the DVLA about the brain lesions anyway. He has a duty of full disclosure.

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/04/2019 00:38

He doesnt want to be considered as someone with a disability so he hates anyone who is "other" because they remind him of the thing he is trying to deny.

Dump him, but get his driving licence number first so when you have dumped him, report him. Forget him, think of the people he will inevitably hurt when he has his major RTA.

EchoCardioGran · 05/04/2019 00:39

Ok Elektra.
I'm bothered that he does not get consistent medical support or takes medication.
His behaviour is very worrying, and I am not the only person on this thread who is concerned about you. Flowers

Nat6999 · 05/04/2019 00:53

It sounds like he has very mild relapse remit MS. My ex SIL is like this, she was diagnosed 20 years ago, had several relapses but once they found a treatment that suited her didn't have a relapse for over 10 years. The plaques on the brain can shrink & expand with treatment. He does need to notify the DVLA, if he has a letter from his consultant that he hasn't had a significant attack for a long period, shouldn't have a problem.

Nat6999 · 05/04/2019 00:59

He is foolish not telling his doctor about the symptoms he suffers, the drugs & treatments are improving all the time, he is making his life harder for himself. He can't be sacked for having MS but frequently going off sick with "stress" could go against him, he could make his life easier & help his condition by seeking help & claiming benefits so he could maybe reduce his hours to enable him to manage his condition better. If he doesn't he is in danger of a massive relapse that could leave him unable to do anything.

cordeliavorkosigan · 05/04/2019 01:19

It sounds like he is not good for you, is potentially risking his and others' lives driving with a condition that affects his vision and grip, is not seeking health care services and is a shit to you about your own health and in his interactions with you.
So ... this doesn't sound like a relationship you really want to be in.

AwakeNow · 05/04/2019 01:33

He is denying himself the help he needs by ignoring his symptoms. Maybe you need to force him to choose, get medical help, or else you will get leave him?

Jux · 05/04/2019 01:54

Please don't buy a house with this man nor have children with him. He sounds awful. How could you trust him to be honest with you?

Tara336 · 05/04/2019 02:32

I have MS it does not affect my insurance. They give you a 3 yea licence the neurologist signs to say your ok to drive, job done. It’s a hard illness to come to terms with. It doesn’t matter if it’s one lesion or a hundred if you have it, you have it not sure where this idea of quantity equals diagnosis comes from. He’s clearly stressed by the thought he has it, get a diagnosis, let DVLA know and get on some DMD it’s really not the end of the world

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 05/04/2019 06:44

What are his good points op? Why are you with him? Are things ok apart from this?

Shoxfordian · 05/04/2019 06:49

Your Mum says he's wrong for you, and you think you're a bad match and he sounds like a knob so dump him

MonaChopsis · 05/04/2019 07:01

Elektra, you don't need him to agree to a breakup. You can just do it!!

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/04/2019 07:03

He's putting other people at risk every day. I couldn't be with someone like that.

I would be breaking up with him because of this and his bullying when the issue is raised. I'd also be writing to his GP saying you don't think he is safe to drive due to the vision problems etc. If something happens you don't want to feel like you could have taken action.

GarthFunkel · 05/04/2019 07:07

He sounds like a complete idiot.

Whether he's a complete idiot with an untreated medical condition that has the potential to kill people as he drives around without insurance, or whether he's just lying about that - he's a bullying arse to you and you are not obliged to continue in this relationship.

Original poster
ElektraLOL · 05/04/2019 07:13

I don't know. I think the relationship has become a habit. What are his good points? He's good looking. Sometimes he's kind. But he's very changeable. He obviously has quite an unpleasant side to him.

I've had a difficult decision to make about work and for days he has been asking about it and trying to give advice. He then turns around and says I never ask him how he is (I do!)

At least I can see that this is about him, not me so much.

OP posts:
DobbysLeftSock · 05/04/2019 07:19

Urgh just get rid of him OP. He sounds like a totally shit partner.

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/04/2019 07:24

Are you ever a passenger when he drives?

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