What’s it called when ‘D’H.........

[FrontRowSeat]

is in a mood/sulking about an unknown issue, but he tries to make out it’s because of something you’ve said/done (even though it clearly isn’t and he was sulking before your ‘misdemeanour’)? Then he does some low level ‘goading’ as if he is trying to provoke you into an argument?

Sorry I’m not explaining this very well - It’s quite difficult to put into writing. I don’t think it’s gaslighting but I’m sure there’s a name for it.

...being an arsehole?

Twatism.
Curable by divorce.
Ime.

Being a knob? Unhelpful, I know but I do feel for you... It's like someth my teenage sons do to each other; try to pick an argument because they're worried or upset about something and they want someone to blame for how they're feeling without actually tackling the problem... Does that make any sense to you?

Passive-aggression?

He wants to let off steam about an issue, but does not want to take responsibility for this. So he goads you into doing if for him. Then he can claim the moral high ground AND piss you off into the bargain, thus relieving his anger and tension, while coming off as the "good guy".

Manipulating?

Passive aggressive.

All of these replies make perfect sense. And yes to the knob and arsehole comments ( I often secretly think this to myself when he’s doing it)! I hate it when he’s like this - he’s quite capable of ruining an entire weekend.

Zoella and Ladymonica have described it perfectly.

If he's in the habit of ruining entire weekends for you, this needs to stop. Look up PA behaviour and you'll get tips on how to handle it. Unfortunately, he'll most likely never really change so you'll have to think about if you want to go through life this way. This sort of behaviour can really grind you down over the years.

I would put my trainers on and go out for a run. I might even ask if he wanted to come with me or go before me if you have DCs. Run and moral high ground.

What would he do if family popped round or a friend rang him?

Would he suddenly spring into 'normal' mode?

If so, he does it to you & only you because he wants to.

It's gaslighting. He's an asshole.

Sorry, I missed the last line of your post somehow, but it really does sound like it.

He's being a Fucknugget.

Go and do something for you OP and let him sit and stew in his own mood.

Don't you just know immediately if it's going to be one of 'those' days too?
Even worse if it's at family parties, at your works doo, or in front of friends.

Ah i see...it sounds like hes expecting you to have developed mind reading skills. Im sure if you had you woukdnt be wasting the skill on a huffy person.

Its passive-aggressive petulence....let it rolllllllllll off your back. At some point he'll break.

Totally get where you’re coming from OP. I found not reacting worked best and going off and having fun on my own - which probably pissed him off even more.

Or you can address it bluntly, as in “look ‘D’P, I know you’re feeling in a crap mood, but FFS stop taking it out on/blaming me. If you’re going to continue like this, go do it sewhere. If you want us to have a good weekend on the other hand, then effing well cheer up”

...or some such!

My ex did this. It was brutal manipulation! I find the only way forward is to treat them like a toddler. “I’ll talk nicely when you can behave nicely.” Etc.

Or bin him, which to be honest is preferable.

If family popped in or a friend rang he would be Mr Happy and chatty and smiley. And yes I can normally tell very early in the day it’s going to be one of ‘those’ days. In fact somethings I can just tell by the tone of his voice or even when he walks through the front door. It really has worn me down over the years. I would happily walk away and get a divorce if it wasn’t for the DC. They’re not old enough to understand splitting up but young enough to be hurt and confused.

I would say it Stonewalling 100%

"What is stonewalling?

You might know it by another name: ‘the silent treatment’ maybe, or ‘freezing’ someone out’. It can involve one person saying ‘I’m fine’ even though something is clearly wrong, or simply refusing to speak at all.

It’s often very frustrating for the person on the receiving end who might want to know what’s wrong but be unable to get an answer – if it continues it can lead to them feeling resentful.

Stonewalling can also be used as a form of control in a relationship"

If family popped in or a friend rang he would be Mr Happy and chatty and smiley

So he knows exactly what he is doing and CAN control it. Very interesting!

And yes I can normally tell very early in the day it’s going to be one of ‘those’ days. In fact somethings I can just tell by the tone of his voice or even when he walks through the front door

Awful that he has so much control over how your day is going to go and your children's.

It really has worn me down over the years

It does and it will get worse.

I would happily walk away and get a divorce if it wasn’t for the DC. They’re not old enough to understand splitting up but young enough to be hurt and confused

Must be a difficult decision, however your children are growing up fast. Is this what you want them to learn and how long until he starts treating them badly too?

www.couplesinstitute.com/the-passive-agressive-male/

www.yourtango.com/201063805/passive-aggressive-man-hes-all-about-control

5 Signs Your Man Uses Passive-Aggressive Power To Control Everything

I would happily walk away and get a divorce if it wasn’t for the DC. They’re not old enough to understand splitting up but young enough to be hurt and confused.

They will also be accommodating Daddys moods and watching you do it. Do you think that's good enough for them?

Far better to be have parents who are happy apart than miserable together.