What’s it called when ‘D’H.........

[FrontRowSeat]

is in a mood/sulking about an unknown issue, but he tries to make out it’s because of something you’ve said/done (even though it clearly isn’t and he was sulking before your ‘misdemeanour’)? Then he does some low level ‘goading’ as if he is trying to provoke you into an argument?

Sorry I’m not explaining this very well - It’s quite difficult to put into writing. I don’t think it’s gaslighting but I’m sure there’s a name for it.

I would happily walk away and get a divorce if it wasn’t for the DC. They’re not old enough to understand splitting up but young enough to be hurt and confused.

OP, you've had enough posts telling you it ISN'T better for the children.

Well, I can prove it. I left my ex after 30 years, and I should have left far, far sooner. Both DCs have MH issues as a result of being around ex, and neither want a relationship with him.

He still send occasional emails trying to "prove" he loves me, but it's far too little, far too late. After all, words are cheap and actions speak much louder. Such as him paying up the child support he's not paying (CMS action in progress, he'll pay all right). He said it was because he wasn't seeing the DCs, refusing to see that their costs don't disappear just because he can't see them.

I did the walking on eggshells (although once he tried to gaslight me by claiming he was the one treading on eggshells around me, it didn't work).

We were subject to his moods and expectations, and the DC still mention how anxious I'd be to have the house tidy and clean before he got home from work, even though I worked FT as well.

I'd leave now, if I were you, OP. Don't bother waiting as a relaxed and calm parent will help your DCs settle into a new life.

It's a control thing, You will have probably done some patheticmisdemeanour, like speak too long on the phone to your friend, decide to go to play tennis, basically do something for Yourself.
Or he will feel you haven't taken on board his wishes, You may have asked him to do something he doesn't feel he should be responsible for.
He is showing disapproval.1/or looking for attention.
"Grey rock technique" is good or try saying "Sulking is such an unattractive trait"
or, "While you 're sulking I'll be going out until didums can grow up & talk about whatever it is that you perceive is a problem"
Frankly, don't put up with it, call him out. If he says "I'm fine", reply that he has a"face like a slapped arse, & if that's what fine looks like its not a good look."
Stop it, do not walk on egg shells, if he discovers it works he will crank up a level to keep you in your "place".
In my case, the aim is to put me down as essentially I am capable, successful, & the "leader" in this family, & because he assumes he should be top gun, he tries to control, belittle & dominate.

Thanks for the last few posts - they’re spot on. When I say I’m walking on eggshells, he says HE is walking on eggshells because of me!!!!!! These common behaviours are very interesting.

But him a bottle of Midol or whatever the medication is available for premenstrual symptoms and tell him his mood swings are killing you