I am not great at navigating friendships and have tended to have a small number of long term friends which I appreciate. I nurture this friendships, make time for them, remember special occasions and always try to be available to help them. These friendships are all decades old, which is perhaps testament to be awkwardness as an adult in making friends, but I was happy with this.
When I had son 6 years ago a woman at baby group immediately latched on to me. I knew her life story within a couple of meetings. She started messaging daily and wanting to meet up. As I was pretty lonely at home with ds I went along with it. I was wary of her intensity but at the same time she was on am abusive relationship and I felt sorry for her. She wasn't like anyone I was usually friends with, lots of "hi Hun" and "love you" "you are amazing" blah blah blah, I'm not really like that but otherwise she was quite sweet and our kids became friends as they grew up. We spent alot of time discussing her relationship problems and I tried to be a support as she had noone else, and over time I considered her a friend and cared for her.
18 months ago she finally had enough of the abuse and was able to leave her husband. I let her stay at mine with her son while she sorted out a place and spent hours organising what she was entitled to and helping her find a home and help her get on her feet.
Within weeks she met someone else and moved him in, which while I silently disapproved I didn't say anything much, it's her life.
Since moving him in I hardly see her. I look after her son a few days each school holiday while she works, which is a 6am to 6pm day and exhausting (her son is high functioning autistic and lovely but hard work). But I only seem to see her when she needs childcare and can go for weeks with no contact in between.
When she does message she is still intense, refers to be as her bestie, says she loves me... That sort of thing (which makes me a bit uncomfortable because I never know how to respond). However, I am happy to let the friendship drift, I did come to care for her and was happy to support her when she needed it but as her life moved on I was happy for her. Our boys go to different schools and my ds doesn't ask after his old friend.
A couple of months ago my son was diagnosed with a long term illness which has been very stressful and emotional. I messaged her to tell her and she replied "ah no Hun, always here for you both". I thanked her but then heard nothing more until today. I would have thought she would have enquired how he was before, but to be honest so much has been going on I hadn't really noticed, and life is busy for everyone so....
Today she has messaged "hey Hun, how are you beautiful. Miss you so much, you mean the world to me. Just sorting school hols, can you do..." And a lost of four days she wants me to look after her son over Easter. I feel like since she got out of her old relationship and got on her feet she didn't need my support so didn't keep bothering with me, and now only uses me when she needs childcare, but almost love bombs me to make me feel like I have to comply. I don't know how to reply... I don't really want to provide 4 days of free childcare when I could be doing other stuff and honestly, I feel like I am being used now.
So, help me please! Firstly how to reply, and also to make sense of the friendship. It makes me sad to think I have been used and that the friendship wasn't real, but that's how it feels.