Should I leave my partner of almost 3 years after only 4 months of him moving from Italy to London for me?

[lollaby]

After 2 1/2 years in a long distance relationship, my partner gave up a good job in his home country of Italy and moved to London to live with me and my 14 year old daughter. We both decided this together as me moving there was not an option because of my daughter. I did on many occasions tell him it would not be easy and that I thought we should wait until he had a job offer here. He insisted it was what he wanted to do so I agreed. Whilst he was living in Italy he insisted on texting or calling me every 2 to 3 hours daily and if I didn't respond within minutes, he would freak out. He would also always ask why I was on FB or WhatsApp and to whom I was speaking too. At first I thought it was sweet but after some time it really pissed me off and we would fight over the phone about it. I did break up with him many times but he would constantly text and call sometimes over 30 times until finally he would call my family pretending he was worried about me. When I finally replied he would beg me not to end it telling me how much he loved me, and its only difficult because we are so far away. He would also pay for me to go to Italy and we would have the most amazing weekends on a monthly basis. I realise now I was an absolute idiot and I should of finished this relationship whilst he was still there. After moving here, things went down hill very fast and we were arguing regularly. After just a month we had a big fight regarding him asking questions about me at my local pub which I hardly ever go to. I questioned him about this and out of the blue he gave me one huge slap across the face, I walked away from him and went downstairs, he followed me, pushed me onto the sofa, sat on top of me and pinned me down by my wrists, shouting at me. I got away from him and told him to leave he refused and said he had nowhere to go. He also said he cant go back to Italy because if his parents find out its over he is scared it might kill his dad. Anyway the next day my 24 year old son called him to confront him, he returned home and within 20 minutes left my house to stay with his only friend in London. During this time he constantly called and texted me crying and telling me he gave up everything to be with me because he believed in us. I felt bad and responsible so I took him back. 2 months later we had another fight over something stupid. We were both shouting at each other but I wasn't swearing or hitting him, just telling him to leave me alone and go away he then violently grabbed me by my hair, twisted my head and threw me to the floor. I ran away from him but he grabbed me and told me he was sorry. He was crying incessantly and really apologising. He said he had never done that before and I made him so mad. Again he kept telling me how he had sacrificed everything for me, his job, his apartment, friends and family all for me. He tells me this every day. When we fight he demands every penny he has spent on me, accusing me of only being with him for the holidays in Italy, this is not true. Ive told him its over and I cant be with him anymore, I even found him a cheap room to rent where he is living now, but he comes to my house everyday asking me to help him with job applications because his english isn't great and then he acts as if everything is fine between us. He tells me he is afraid of losing me and that he loves me so much. He also says I cant just end this relationship after only 4 months of him leaving Italy to be with me that its not right or fair of me to do that to him. He says he is embarrassed to go back after such a short time because his friends and family told him not to come and it will destroy them all if he returns so soon.
I cant shake this guy off, he wont stop coming to my house, he still has some of his stuff here but refuses to take it with him because he says the room is too small. I know what I should do but I feel responsible for this whole situation and feel guilty for the position he is in now. I know he sacrificed a lot to be with me and we have had some wonderful experiences together. He can be so sweet, loving and charming.
Reading this may sound so pathetic but my head is so screwed up and I'm normally a really strong women. I know this is an unhealthy situation for my daughter but she seems to be oblivious to whats going on and she has never really liked him, just tolerated him because I was happy or at least I thought I was.
Why do I feel like I have to help him get back on his feet?
Am I losing my mind?
Is this guy playing me/ manipulating me?
Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!

You've nothing to feel guilty about.
He came, you tried, it hasn't worked out.
It's not going to kill anyone if he goes back. Why would it?

Do not answer his calls or emails, dont answer the door.

Send him one message (the same message) via all platforms you have for him that your relationship is over, that he is not to contact you and if he turns up at your house again you will contact the police to have him removed.

This guy is dangerous, you owe him the square root of fuck all. Get away and stay away from him.

You already know the answer, this much abuse after such a short time. You need to tell him to leave and end this. Your children shouldn’t need to witness or intervene in this either. Treat this as a really bad mistake

This sounds awful. It’s not your fault. You owe him nothing after how he’s treated you, it’s simply unacceptable.

This guy is very dangerous, no more chances.

End of.

I would report his arse to the police for the assaults on you, and tell them you have DD too.

Tell him direct on all forms.of communication its over and you will leave all his stuff at a police station for him to collect as he is not to come to your home again.

Please make sure he cannot get into your house. All the while he is around you and your DD are at risk because he knows where you live.

Make it clear its over.

It will not kill his father that's emotional blackmail, and all the best of it is not your responsibility.

I .so sorry you have suffered this way. Make sure it never happens again byaking it stop.

He is a grown man responsible for his own decisions, which include moving to be with you in London and physically assaulting you on more than one occasion. Please stop feeling guilty and that you owe him.

Please call the police and report the assaults. You are not the first person he'll have done this to and I doubt you will be the last. He isn't behaving in this way because of anything you've done, or because he's worried what his family will think if he returns or because he's struggling to find a job: this is who he is. In fact, those obsessive calls and texts before he moved to London were your warning signs that all is not well with this guy. I am sure he is very capable of being utterly charming and fun but at this rate he's also capable of killing you. You need to get him out of your life for good.

Would you want to see your daughter in this type of relationship? Would you really tell her that him hitting her was understandable because he's clearly finding things hard??

In time, please try and read a fantastic book by Lundy Bancroft called "Why Does He Do That". It will answer many of the questions going round in your head about his behaviour and the effect he is having on you.

He will get worse.
His violence will escalate.
You owe him nothing, get rid.

Stop falling for his various forms of blackmail. He's abusive and controlling. Let him sort his life out, you're not responsible for the idiot. Next time he turns up at your doorstep, call the police.

Bloody hell, I thought you were going to say that things weren't working out, not that he keeps violently attacking you! Agree with pp. Tell him it's over and then block him. I would go to the police too.

100% yes. Dangerous, violent, psychotic. Fuck him and his father (that's bullshit btw). You've got a 14 year old daughter. Absolutely end this.

Massive red flags before he even moved here!

You have to end this - get police involved if need me!

So sorry you're going through this, it sounds awful. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Stop answering the door to him. Block his number. Drop his things off at his friend's house (the one he stayed with). If that's not possible I'd just chuck it away or take it to the charity shop.

If he turns up and tries to get in phone the police immediately. Tell them about all the times he attacked you.

Tell him that its over and leave his stuff outside. Agree you may need police assistance. He sounds like he could be violent again

Send one last message saying it’s over and if he continues to come to your home you’ll call the police. I would then call the police if he does and consider calling women’s aid for some safety planning around this.
You have done nothing wrong; you don’t owe him anything and the sooner you get him out of yours and your daughters life the better. It’s intetesting that your daughter never liked him and although you might not be seeing an effect on her now the longer it goes on the higher the chance is that it will impact on her and skew her understanding and view of relationships

You have nothing to feel guilty about and you owe him nothing! He's an adult who makes his own decisions, be they moving from Italy to England, or choosing to beat you up. Don't believe a word out of this vile abuser's mouth; he can hop on the next EasyJet home and he'll be just fine. Do seek police help, though.

Why would people who told him he was making a mistake be made I'll by him returning home? That makes no sense at all.

But, he's a manipulative, violent bully so don't have him back. Put his stuff outside and have nothing more to do with him.

Yes, he is manipulating you.

he comes to my house everyday asking me to help him with job applications because his english isn't great and then he acts as if everything is fine between us

This sounds like my abusive ex. Took me years to get rid of him properly, and I had to involve the police.

This guy will not listen to reason. Please don't waste years. Report the assaults to the police and tell them he won't leave you alone.

He's an adult. He's responsible for himself.

How hurt do you want to be before you say Enough! and mean it? Get him out now lass. Post his stuff. Block his number. Any hassle from him log it with the police.

please get out
this is not your fault that is classic abuser manipulation
killers are charming.
rapist are charming
they are stil vile cruel bastards that can act very well indeed.
he reeling you in with needing help with jobs and housing and keeping some stuff at yours
he reeling you in with guilt over moving and hisparents
he has attacked you twice with his hands and more so with attacking your mental health and strength as a confidant woman!
don't put your dd at risk.hes not her dad I have no doubt he will hrt her too.
and yourself.your not saf with him.or happy.
even without the abuse you obviously had doubts.
run hun.
fight back by leaving.
you can and will and deserve to be happy.someone will find you and cherish you andyou them

Have you told anyone in rl what he did?

plus I doubt your dd is oblivious.firstly because you say she never liked him so she knows more than you think already.and two kids mostly awlays know.

I know what I should do but I feel responsible for this whole situation and feel guilty for the position he is in now.

Nothing to feel guilty about at all. You didn't ask him to assault you. Neither are you responsible for him assaulting you. Get rid.

Call 101, and get what he did logged, explain to them that you're worried that he will do the same again and that he keeps coming around. When you next tell him no go home it isn't working out, make sure you know your daughter is either in the house with you or out of the house for a good few hours. If he comes to the house follow through and call the police.

This isn't your fault, but you need to end it or your daughter will have a very skewed view if relationships. It won't be easy as he's using emotional blackmail but you have to get rid of him.

Don’t be fooled by his histrionics - he is a violent, controlling and abusive man. Find the safest way possible to end this once and for all. It isn’t you that is the problem. It is totally him. I’d be tempted to buy him a ticket back to Italy just to make sure he bloody goes. Hope you are ok. X

Please call women’s aid. You need to leave this man but he’s a violent, abusive, control freak and leaving him will be dangerous. You need a planned exit strategy and professional support.

Please do not teach your daughter that this behaviour is acceptable