Cold and uncharming man on first date

[Borelis]

Hi,
I went on a first date with a guy who I met via an app (online) - he initiated the conversation and I guess I was keen/friendly towards him too. We'd spoken on the phone and then set up a date to meet in person.

He was very different to most other guys I've been on dates with in that:

1. He seemed a bit emotionless / cold = kept a steady face, showing not much emotion
2. Downplayed himself quite a bit = told me about illnesses he has/had, that he doesn't want children, not religious, wouldn't marry without being sure it's the right person (which is fair enough), that he doesn't like one night stands but not super keen to settle down etc.
3. Doesn't compliment my looks etc. except a few things, and also a few nice things about my personality.

All of this is so different from guys usually who would show-off their good traits (sometimes in a jokey way), were usually very charming, full on, obsessed with me, very funny etc... whereas this guy seems almost playing hard to get...

Either playing "treat them mean keep them keen" or genuinely not interested?

He said he'd like to meet again if I wanted to and did not force/try on any physical contact when seeing goodbye. He also said the evening was lovely with me, he'd contact me the next day etc. He also seems uncomfortable with doing anything outside the realms of masculinity i.e. avoiding habits/choices that would make him seem even slightly girly/feminine.

It's hard to know whether he's behaving coldly due to nervousness, or because of the "treat them mean, keep them keen" or simply doesn't like me?

I just wouldn't bother trying to understand. NEXT!

Oh god, agree with Stunn. Next!

He sounds boring

Sounds like you didn't like him.

Doesn't matter which it was, he has no game. Next!

Maybe I'm of the loop here but i dont see what he has done wrong?

1. He kept cards to himself.
2. He was wasn't trying to impress you, but was open about himself.
3. Except he did compliment your looks and personality but he wasnt over the top about it.

It's also telling that you say he didn't 'force' himself on you.

If you have to think about it, it’s a no.

His behavior is not cold nor uncharming, not the way you describe it. It is slightly introverted. but also respectful and gentlemanly. Well within normal range. Many women actually appreciate a man who doesn't talk about their body or try and kiss on the first date, at least from what I've read. But you appreciate men who are the opposite however, and of course that's fine. You're probably just not compatible.

Nope! I won't bother seeing him again. If the table was to turn, he'd be bidding you adios. What's with the hard to get persona on a first date 🙄

what does your gut say?

I’m an unashamed fan of Celebs Go Dating. It was fascinating to see dates like yours. The “Celeb” would do a piece to camera about how awful it was while their unsuspecting date would record elsewhere saying how they felt it went really well and there was a connection.

I actually love the sound of him, lol

I agree with ilovefishcakes, i dont think he did anything wrong really? He wasn’t too pushy or forward, complemented your personality and said he wanted to see you again.

Ultimately though, if you didnt feel like there was anything there I wouldn’t pursue it.

I fail to see what he's done wrong. He made it plain that he wasn't just there to jump on you. He's maybe been here before, and playing it safe as safe can be. He's said he would like to see you again.

If you liked the look of him and could see yourself getting more attached, where is the problem? Sounds like a thoroughly nice man to me. He said he'd like to meet again? If you are attracted to him, and you'd like to see him again, then just do it.

If he's said that he'd like to meet again, I doubt that means that he doesn't like you (which is how you seem to have interpreted it)
Did you like him enough to give it a serious shot?

From what you've written, he sounds like an interesting man and it won't hurt to explore further. What's to lose here? Just go on a second date and see how it goes. I mean, how hard can it be to go on a second date!!??

And stop analysing every fecking word he speaks.

Who becomes obsessed with someone after a first date? That doesn't sound healthy. I must be misunderstanding something.

he initiated the conversation and I guess I was keen/friendly towards him too

That's the most positive statement you made about him. I'm taking from that that you just didn't feel any interest in him. So leave it be.

Sorry, maybe should quote what I was referring to above:

"All of this is so different from guys usually who would show-off their good traits (sometimes in a jokey way), were usually very charming, full on, obsessed with me, very funny etc... whereas this guy seems almost playing hard to get..."

I think I would see him again. He actually sounds like he was nervous.

He sounds quite nice and respectful. Maybe he just didn't like or fancy you much when you met in person and was just being polite.

I had one of those. He showed me his tan lines from his golf socks
Perfectly polite but utterly lacking in a personality compatible with mine. I stayed for one drink and made my excuses.

@Verynice, might I have his contact info? Nothing like golf sock tan lines to get me in the mood. LOL

Yes, he also spoke at length about Brexit, David Cameron, stagnation in the housing market, his recent but amicable divorce, his dd who dances with the royal ballet and his two nephews who were staying for the week to check out Kings something or another and London something or another uni's. I recommend him highly

Of course he hastened to add that they would most likely be going to Oxford or Cambridge, but they were just checking out the London 'schools'. He was an insufferable bore. Can't remember how the conversation bored onto his golfing and the tan lines he insisted on showing me from his golf socks (I didn't know there were special golf socks, but now I do! )

He was perfectly polite, so I texted him the next day saying 'thank you for a lovely date' He replied along similar polite lines and enough was said about that fiasco!

He also seems uncomfortable with doing anything outside the realms of masculinity i.e. avoiding habits/choices that would make him seem even slightly girly/feminine.

You had one date.....what did you do on the date that made you think the above?