Cold and uncharming man on first date

[Borelis]

Hi,
I went on a first date with a guy who I met via an app (online) - he initiated the conversation and I guess I was keen/friendly towards him too. We'd spoken on the phone and then set up a date to meet in person.

He was very different to most other guys I've been on dates with in that:

1. He seemed a bit emotionless / cold = kept a steady face, showing not much emotion
2. Downplayed himself quite a bit = told me about illnesses he has/had, that he doesn't want children, not religious, wouldn't marry without being sure it's the right person (which is fair enough), that he doesn't like one night stands but not super keen to settle down etc.
3. Doesn't compliment my looks etc. except a few things, and also a few nice things about my personality.

All of this is so different from guys usually who would show-off their good traits (sometimes in a jokey way), were usually very charming, full on, obsessed with me, very funny etc... whereas this guy seems almost playing hard to get...

Either playing "treat them mean keep them keen" or genuinely not interested?

He said he'd like to meet again if I wanted to and did not force/try on any physical contact when seeing goodbye. He also said the evening was lovely with me, he'd contact me the next day etc. He also seems uncomfortable with doing anything outside the realms of masculinity i.e. avoiding habits/choices that would make him seem even slightly girly/feminine.

It's hard to know whether he's behaving coldly due to nervousness, or because of the "treat them mean, keep them keen" or simply doesn't like me?

Where is he from as a matter of interest?

Anyway, you don't appear to have liked him very much yourself! So go with that!

He sounded perfectly fine. I would be at someone gushing about me on a first date.

The update, however, makes him now sound completely insufferable. Bragging isn't attractive. Plus I think financial inequality means some people aren't well suited to people into golf and sending their family to expensive schools (etc). Which unfortunately includes me.

But it doesn't sound like a fiasco.

You definitely want to avoid these blokes becoming obsessed with you immediately!

Apologies I've got two posters confused.

Verynice's bloke sounds insufferable. Yours still sounds normal.

Being different than all other guys is ok. If you like him go for a second date, if you don't, then don't. It really is that simple.

If he sounds lukewarm from the off it really doesn't sound worth it.

What you see is what you get in my experience. From the beginning.

You don't seem to be able to identify any positive or attractive traits in him and despite him saying he'd like to see you again, everything else about the date suggests he's not that fussed about you either.

Why are you even wasting mental energy on wondering whether this one has legs?

Are you the sort of person who would go on a second date with someone even if you didn't enjoy the first? If so, then you really need to work on that.

God, he sounds absolutely fine to me and I have no idea what's wrong with any of what you describe

You on the other hand...well, if you want someone to be obsessed with you and try to force themselves on you physically after the first date, it doesn't sound as if you're compatible and he's had a lucky escape!

He sounds normal if a bit reserved. Don’t go on a 2nd date if he’s not floating your boat though.

Did you like him on paper? Maybe he’s shy. You should choose whether or not to try again.

I think the issue here lies with you. You're after a confidence boost from your dates, and he wasn't playing ball.

Sorry, that should read ego boost.

No some of you have definitely got this wrong. People are supposed to make EFFORT on dates. Especially on the first date. If they aren't then although they may have learned to be a bit extra cautious they are still supposed to be upbeat complimentary and fun to be with. To sit there indifferent sounds a bit grim to me. Not worth it in my opinion. The op is NOT after a confidence boost from what I can tell at all.

The guy sounds like a cringe. Bin him.

Not after a confidence boost, but seems miffed that he wasn't suitably obsessed or complimentary towards her?!
Thing is, some guys can turn on the charm on Date 1. They are adept at doing so, through experience, and find it no effort at all. It doesn't mean they're being genuine though! Or that they're necessarily a better prospect.

From the description of the men she usually goes out with, it sounds like the OP would prefer some fat-tied spiv, with a side order of creep. Each to their own, I guess!

How is everyone, who thinks he sounds fine, missing his chat about avoiding feminine habits/ choices. Strikes me as v sexist.

Yes, that would put me off to be fair.

He didn't subject you to the cad's practised spiel. Sounds ok to me. Those that are all moonlight and roses with you can very easily be all moonlight and roses with someone else when the novelty wears off.

Charmless men, possibly with a boring hobby and a shed, have a lot to recommend them as longer term prospects.

He also seems uncomfortable with doing anything outside the realms of masculinity i.e. avoiding habits/choices that would make him seem even slightly girly/feminine.

sofato5miles what chat? That's the ops opinion, nothing else. She hasnt even said why she thinks that or what happened to make her think that.

He didn't say anything of the sort.

You didn’t have an instant connection to each other.

First dates are supposed to be fun not a business meeting.

He sounds quite straight forward. I'd rather him than the guys going on about how great they are whilst trying to get in my pants with insincere flattery.

He sounds quite introverted and possibly a bit boring but otherwise he doesn’t sound awful. Some men are better at communicating via text and not so great when they actually have to speak in person. He could have been nervous also. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and see him one more time. If he’s still boring then..NEXT!

Why are you second guessing what he thinks?

He doesn’t get to dictate what you think. Did you like him?

Sounds ideal to me just probably not suited to you if you have to change your personality to accommodate him.