Cold and uncharming man on first date

[Borelis]

Hi,
I went on a first date with a guy who I met via an app (online) - he initiated the conversation and I guess I was keen/friendly towards him too. We'd spoken on the phone and then set up a date to meet in person.

He was very different to most other guys I've been on dates with in that:

1. He seemed a bit emotionless / cold = kept a steady face, showing not much emotion
2. Downplayed himself quite a bit = told me about illnesses he has/had, that he doesn't want children, not religious, wouldn't marry without being sure it's the right person (which is fair enough), that he doesn't like one night stands but not super keen to settle down etc.
3. Doesn't compliment my looks etc. except a few things, and also a few nice things about my personality.

All of this is so different from guys usually who would show-off their good traits (sometimes in a jokey way), were usually very charming, full on, obsessed with me, very funny etc... whereas this guy seems almost playing hard to get...

Either playing "treat them mean keep them keen" or genuinely not interested?

He said he'd like to meet again if I wanted to and did not force/try on any physical contact when seeing goodbye. He also said the evening was lovely with me, he'd contact me the next day etc. He also seems uncomfortable with doing anything outside the realms of masculinity i.e. avoiding habits/choices that would make him seem even slightly girly/feminine.

It's hard to know whether he's behaving coldly due to nervousness, or because of the "treat them mean, keep them keen" or simply doesn't like me?

This guy is my cup of tea, i would actually date him.

I don’t like people trying to impress me as for me it comes across as fake. If he was honest with you and kept the boundaries that is a good start.

*He seemed a bit emotionless". You say that he seemed cold and kept a steady face and didn't show emotion. I would be worried that he has a health issue which he didn't divulge at this early stage....or that he is a psychopath .

On a first date you need to feel that things flowed and that you would really like to see the person again. Doesn't sound like you'd enjoy dating this one. Next.

Were you attracted to him?

I lost interest in him just from your first post.

Next.

To me he just sounds nervous! I actually way prefer this to when men are all over me, it feels a little bit more genuine ?

It doesn't sound like you like him though so I doubt I'd bother meeting again.

It just sounds like an average first date to me. You’re not keen. Move on.

Its a no from me.

There must have been something you liked to go on the first date.

To me it seems like he was being quite upfront about things - his lack of desire for children, not particularly being interested in settling down and his health issues, stuff which might make you feel conflicted later on if he reeled you in and then told you. He was being careful, protecting both of you from hurt further down the line. Maybe his compliments, while less effusive than those which flow from the lips of some, came from a place of honesty?

At least, that's how I read your date experience!

You just sound incompatible.

You are saying you want a charming, confident, bubbly, tactile man who compliments you a lot. To me, that sounds like the portrait of a player. But maybe you're an extrovert, looking for an extrovert.

This date might be an introvert, or boring, or less experienced at dating, nervous, or just not your type.

Do not make the mistake of thinking quiet people always have hidden depths, or that any depths they have will be pleasant.

Re posters missing the thing interpreted as sexist. Not at all- I ignored it because there is no specific example and it doesn't sound like he said he avoids it. So no idea what was meant by it. After one date I'm not sure how you would tell. Unless there's something that's been missed. If he said or did something that clearly supports him being either sexist or insecure about his "masculinity" then I would run for the hills.

But as everyone else has pointed out- if you didn't get a good vibe, move on.

I like the sound of this man.

I hate over keen, performing seals

I'm with @Dieu here actually in that you seem to be missing the ego boost.

In your OP you say guys are usually 'obsessed with' you, and seems this guy didn't show that. It sounds like you're used to guys fawning over you.

If that's what you need from a date, cut this guy loose for someone he's more suited to.

To be honest I'd be inclined to see him for 1.more date before you make your mind up.
He doesn't sound like a game player if he's already said he's like to see you again.
He's been open and honest with you. I dont see what's not to like!

Funny how we haven't heard back from the OP ...

I think he sounds very good to be honest. He was very clear about his wants, needs and intentions. Was very respectful. A charming guy can end up a monster down the line. Give him another chance, let him warm up. Get to know him.

nerves? awkward?

Maybe he struggles with social communication ?

I would hate a gushing, 'obsessed with me', constant compliment paying first date. To me, it screams of fakeness, love bombing, or desperation for a shag. This man sounds normal.

Just sounds nervous, introverted and a case of first date nerves.

The reasons I as a guy fail on first dates most of the time basically as I know intoversion doesn't lead to an immediate spark.

Why post on here? You could be describing a slightly reserved, cautious, nervous normal bloke. Or you could be describing a psychopath. Unless you’ve got camera footage we can assess we have no idea. Can’t see the body language and other subtle behaviour which would enable people to tell.

Being honest about what you want is one thing, but it sounds almost as if he was trying to put you off by reeling off a long list of things he wasn't interested in. No one night stands, but also no settling down? I'm not sure talking about whether or not you want kids is first date material either.

He's not that in to you 🤷

I must be reading a different post to the rest of you.

She sounds totally intrigued to me. She's dying for him to contact her.

She sounds totally intrigued to me. She's dying for him to contact her.

I agree. She mentioned the "mean to keep them keen" bit twice.