Dp hasn't come home!

[GirlOnIt]

He finished work around 2 and was going for a few drinks. Heard from him around 5 to say he was grabbing some food, he'd have a few more drinks and then head home. I messaged at 8, asking if he was having a good time, what time should I expect him etc. He replied he was going to finish his drink and go for the bus home.
Nothing since. I've tried messaging and calling, it's going straight to voice mail and messages are unread.

I'm worrying and feeling a bit stupid for worrying, then feeling stupid for not worrying more and doing something. Although I've no clue what I should/could be doing.

He's probably just drunk and is phones died or hasn't got signal and he'll roll home in the early house stupidly drunk, right?

Only he doesn't often get stupidly drunk and especially not when out with colleagues and he's really good at keeping in touch if his plans etc change.

I don't really know his colleagues, so can't get in touch with them. I've had a little look on social media and he's not by the looks of things, met up with his own friends or anything. I could text some of them to check but feel a bit silly doing so.

Not sure what I'm asking really, I guess just some reassurance that's he's most likely ok and probably just drunk. My mums away this weekend so don't want to bother her and don't want to worry his parents.

He knows my mobile under normal circumstances. He said he was going back to phone me and get a taxi home, this friend is in the city centre so only a few minutes walk from where they were.
He just fell asleep before he did.

He's not going to get it easy today I'm a narky bitch when I'm tried and he knows it.

He's acting like a single person. Wtf?? Absolutely not acceptable

He's not acting like a single person. He's acting like a grown up who has been a dick as a one off and is trying to apologise.

So why didnt he let you know in advance just before his phone died?
If he knew your number which he should then he could have used anyone's phone to call you!!
I dont buy the waiting to charge up his phone to call you.
What he did was put you through absolute torture wondering if he is ok, given that he has never did this before.

Glad he's home safe and sorry you were put through all that worry. It's horrible waiting and then waking and someone still not being home.

I wish folk wouldn't jump in on these threads with comments insisting, "he's with a woman" as if it's an unchallengeable fact, or that it must involve drugs. Alcohol is more than capable all by itself of enabling someone to act like an arsehole. It sounds like your DH is really sorry though and most importantly unlikely to do this ever again, and that's surely the main thing I think.

He said he didn't let me know before because he'd lost track of time and was having a laugh with everyone. Then he looked at his phone and it was dead.
He was going to go straight for a taxi but he didn't have much cash left so the others who were going back to the mates said come with, he thought I'll go and charge my phone and then get a Uber. He was drunk, he admits he wasn't particularly thinking, it was only about 10:30 at this point which he though was early so I wouldn't be worrying or anything. Obviously been out since 2 and they'd apparently had shots as it was someone birthday so he was drunk, he's got back and ended up falling asleep.
The guy who's house they went to sent a picture and there's half eaten kebabs and bottles of beer that had been opened and not drank, I think they were all probably more drunk than they'd realised.

He feels terrible that I was so worried and a bit embarrassed I had to phone our friend who's phones round his colleagues (he's not blaming me for that though, he understands why I did it).

Still not on and I'm cross but I don't think he was off cheating on me and I don't think Es intentionally thought, I'm not going home yet stuff her.

I'm sure he wont do it again, my DH rarely goes out drinking and he always loses track of time, and if i have one to many I will fall asleep anywhere.

Sounds like he gets how much of a prick he was. He's doing exactly what he should be while you rest after a rough night. I'd be livid too but sounds forgivable.

iPhone you say?

I would be looking at locations on that if I were you

My XH did this and I never gave him nearly enough shit for it. I was far too tolerant. Also I never did it to him - because i'm a grownup and I didn't want him worrying. I really regret all that now. Give him hell OP so this behaviour does not repeat itself endlessly until there is no love left for him in your heart, and no respect for you in his.

OP, are you seriously going to marry this man?

I mean this is just the latest in a string of awful behaviour towards you and your new baby. First of all leaving you and the baby alone every night while he goes out, you asking him to stay and him wanting sex, when you said no, he left anyway.

Then he was verbally abusive to you and your friends while you had them staying over. He was swearing at them and calling them names.

And now this. I'm sorry, there's no way he couldn't have called you, from a friends phone or their home phone to yours, or some way. He's done this either with no thought of you, or with thoughts he was dong this to actually hurt you.

You also say he's now exhibiting sexist and behaviour you never thought he's capable of.
I really think you need to look at his behaviour more seriously.

He seems to do awful things to you and then love bomb you afterwards, like proposing, or being really nice and taking the baby after he's fucked off for a whole night, so you're left with thinking deep down he's a great person, but he's been really awful to you,just from what we've seen of your posts.

It's worrying behaviour, seriously, and it's all connected.

I know he must sound terrible from what I've posted @bethy15. I did think I should have name changed for this as I really don't think it's linked, but it was late and I couldn't remember my password.

Since we properly spoke he hasn't done any of that other stuff, we're talking much more and doing more together.
He's been fantastic with Ds and not been going out at all. I was the one saying he should go out yesterday, he wasn't bothered to go.
He's been working really hard to finish a job and I think drinking when he's exhausted anyway, contributed to how drunk he felt and how easy he feel asleep.

I was angry because I was scared something had happened to him, not with him going out. He feels terrible that I was worrying so much, I really believe that.

He can be a idiot and bit immature but he's a good partner and dad, I obviously don't post the 'good' stuff but there's a lot. Yes he struggled adjusting to having a Ds at first but we're past that now.

Honestly, I really think you need to consider it all related.

This isn't the behaviour of someone who cares, it's all combined. You may not think it's all related, but it's all dickish behaviour and it's been a lot in this year alone, and it's only March!

You also did a thread saying he's not the person you thought he was and he's a sexist idiot and so on.

I don't think you should name change, and if you feel you should, then possibly it's because you know deep down how much wrong he's already done you.

Maybe think about some counselling just for you and discuss these type of things he does.

I don't think you can really be past it all, as he's now gone off and left you without even bothering to tell you where he was. Of course he's going to apologise and say how awful he's been, he keeps doing it and it keeps you on his hook.

Everything combined, he's been absolutely awful to you, but you excuse it all away as that's what he does. There's an awful lot there though, and a lot of red flags all around.

Have you checked his locations for the time his was absent? This may tell you where he was. It may tell you when his phone died. It may tell you it didn’t

He 100% cheated on you in my opinion. As a guy it's easy to pretend your battery died. Done it myself back in the day.

Any bloke who's going out with mates is on the prowl. Especially true if they have children.

So many women are deluded about this & think "blokes need freedom" in reality they're hanging round the only place where scantilly clad young women who've had a drink are.

He'd told me where he was and kept in touch up until a point @bethy15. I can't explain and I'm sure his ever I try will seem like I'm defending him. But I get the reason for the other stuff and he's done nothing but make amends for it. The four years prior to these few months absolutely no issues at all, we'd never even really argued and he's been nothing but an amazing supportive partner.
He hasn't been out since all that stuff and we've talked about if he felt he had to say he was only going for a few when in actual fact he wanted to stay out longer, he says not but said when he'd had a few and they were having a laugh etc he definitely got caught up in it and lost track of time.

I charged and turned his phone on @S021. It was definitely dead and he hadn't got any of my messages, missed calls. They were looking at stupid videos on you tube and that's what must have used his battery, battery usage supports that. I'm not sure on location, I can see favourite locations but not recent ones. But I'm not sure where I'm looking either or what it would tell me, other than he was in the city centre.

I think that says more about you and your friends than every man @flatulencebythebucket.

@flatulencebythebucket what a sad view of men! I have children with my DP. We have been together nearly 20 years. If he goes out he cares about getting pissed and talking shite. I can 100% guarantee he isn't looking to shag around

Time will tell OP. It doesn't sound great if I'm honest, and it does appear like his behaviour is escalating. Also if he's going to lie I could come up with better excuses. Why did he have to go back for a charger? He was able to get home afterwards, why not then?

he kept in touch up until a point

It really seems like after the fact you minimise his behaviour.

He didn't keep in touch at all after a point well into the night and into the next morning. You woke up and he's still not home and no contact.

There really are red flags, and the fact he's great the rest of the time doesn't take that away. His behaviours have been awfully, and there's been quite a lot of them. Even what he did with your heating,turning it off when you and the baby are home and he's out or at work,even though you asked him not to, that's controlling behaviour.

Clearly you don't like to hear it, wanting to name change as his past behaviours might be remembered is kind of a defence of him. The nice things he is doing is a good cover for all the (many) shitty things he keeps putting you through,last night was another example.

@flatulencebythebucket I read an awful lot of bollocks on MN but your post is really up there. What a sad view you have of men and a sad and lonely life you must have

Another way to look at his night out is to tote up the number of ‘live’ phones and landlines that he walked past/ignored. Like all of the ones in his friend’s pockets.

He wasn’t alone on a camel in the Sahara.

He kept in touch until his phone had died @bethy15. I only meant name change for this post as I was just worried and looking what to do last night, I don't think this is linked to the other stuff. But I appreciate your opinion and advice. We're both still working on the other things and are talking to someone about them, but things are good between us and we're communicating well.

He didn't need to @Nc1548. The others said why don't you come back to A's get a kebab and charge your phone and text girl. He thought it's only 10:30 and he was feeling hungry and having a good time so he went. He doesn't remember falling asleep so it wasn't a intentional, oh I'll stay the night here. Like I mentioned he's been working long hours 12+ hour shifts everyday and even weekends, he was drunk and not thinking straight and nodded off. He didn't wake up until morning then he came straight home, he'd quite obviously just woken up and quite obviously slept in that he was wearing from the look of him.

Well it sounds a bit like a few too many Oopsies in that story - as in "oops I stayed out far later than I said I would/oops my phone ran out of battery/oops I went to a mates house instead of just getting in a taxi home at a normal time/oops the mate didn't have a charger to fit my phone/oops the mate must have fallen asleep upstairs looking for a charger/oops I must have fallen asleep too on the sofa/oops I couldn't text you from a mates phone at any time or call you from their house phone even though I know your number.

He could just have got the bus home at 8, (or 9, or 10, or 11, or midnight) mobile battery or no mobile battery. Not having mobile battery doesn't mean you can't get a taxi home

Girl Have you checked his locations?