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Original poster

AIBU? Is it normal for my best friend to text my fiance?

77 replies

beewritesx · 22/03/2019 11:57

My fiancé came home the other day and told me that my best friend had texted him asking him what he was up to? He thought it was odd but brushed it off and said that she probably meant to text someone else. Anyway, he replied ("Just heading home, why?") and she texted back saying she was bored … so it obviously wasn't meant for somebody else! I decided to leave it and saw her the next day, but she didn't mention anything and I didn't want to bring it up. I know she's had a relationship with a married man before so with that in the back of my mind, I really don't know what to think. Maybe it was totally innocent but it just seems odd. Doesn't help that she's always talking about men that want her & how she's sick of being single. She also talks to him about her love life and asks him why other girls are so nasty to her. Deep down, she's very insecure and has been through a lot of sh** which is why I've tolerated it, but to be honest, my patience is starting to wear thin. I dunno. AIBU?

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/03/2019 12:04

I agree this sounds a bit weird. I can't imagine any of my friends just randomly texting my husband. Odd that she never mentioned it to you, surely she must know that he would tell you about the text.
I wouldn't make a huge deal about it yet if it's just a text but I would just see if she sends anymore or does anything.

SkySmiler · 22/03/2019 12:06

Nope, just weird, how did she get his no.?

livefornaps · 22/03/2019 12:06

Get him to block her number. Bish bash bosh.

Loopytiles · 22/03/2019 12:07

Not on from friend.

Ribbonsonabox · 22/03/2019 12:09

Yes it is a bit weird.
Tell your fiance to just ignore any further texts from her and she will soon stop it.
I'd not make a big deal out of it... it's probably insecurity and wanting reassurance that people will pay attention to her.
If you just dont feed it I'm sure it will stop.
It is inappropriate though unless she is actually good friends with him.
Youd be within your rights to bring it up with her... but I'd personally just leave it. You know what kind of person she is and yet seem to accept her. If you trust your fiance it's a none issue... just ignore it and she will stop.

Hanab · 22/03/2019 12:09

Nip it in the butt! She has no reason to text him.he should block her number imho

cheesenpickles · 22/03/2019 12:09

I occasionally text my dh's best friend but we're also friends. To be fair it's usually memes and jokes though not "I'm bored. What you doing?"

Pre-kids when my dh worked away I'd go out with his friends (mostly male) as they'd make sure I wasn't bored at home shitless.

Slightly odd if it's out of turn but she may view your husband as a stand-alone friend as well.

HollowTalk · 22/03/2019 12:10

She could have sent that text to you, couldn't she? She chose not to. I would be on alert now with her.

cheesenpickles · 22/03/2019 12:11

And my best friend and husband text quite a lot. They have their own in-jokes and act a bit like a bickering brother and sister, but it's all above board. Usually she texts if she's worried about me etc.

Order654 · 22/03/2019 12:12

Maybe she did text him by accident and then didn’t want to look like a twat and say shit sorry that wasn’t meant for you.

If I messaged someone by accident I’d just go with it?

Is that a possibility ? Is hardly like she replied back a flirty message..

livefornaps · 22/03/2019 12:13

Lol @Hanab, the expression is, 'nip it in the bud", not "butt"...although maybe your gal pal wants to nip your fiance's butt....

Eliant · 22/03/2019 12:13

She's testing to see if he mentions it to you.

Original poster
beewritesx · 22/03/2019 12:15

My mistake. She messaged him on FB messenger. I do trust him, but feeling quite insecure at the mo - esp knowing she had a relationship with a married man.

OP posts:
Original poster
beewritesx · 22/03/2019 12:17

@Eliant yeah that crossed my mind as well!

OP posts:
TheMightyToosh · 22/03/2019 12:17

The good news is that he told you and is as confused by it as you are.

The bad news is she is not a good friend if her intentions are to find an 'in' with your OH.

I would keep a distance from her.

Movingtoplanetclanger · 22/03/2019 12:18

The 'why don't other girls like me?' question sounds like fishing for compliments. Texting him for no reason also seems like she wants to make herself believe he's interested.

Sounds like she's a bit insecure and jealous, how old is she?

I wouldn't do anything for now, see if she does anything else. She might just be a bit unaware that this is a social faux pas. Your fiance telling you is a good sign.

rebecca102 · 22/03/2019 12:19

Yeah not on. I'd be more curious than pissed off and I'd ask her straight out what the go was txting my husband. Like she is your friend, why not txt you if she's so bored... weirddd

LailaByron · 22/03/2019 12:21

I would have deffo said to her...”OH said u text him yesterday coz you were bored! You should have text me, we could have done something” That way she’d know ur OH tells you and perhaps, if she was trying to start something, she’d know not to bother.

ErickBroch · 22/03/2019 12:21

I'd be really pissed off, it's weird. I have messaged my bestie's partners before but usually to ask about their birthday or something!! Trying to chat is not ok. Like PP said, she didn't text you when she was bored... I would be getting him to block her.

Original poster
beewritesx · 22/03/2019 12:24

@cheesenpickles @Order654 Well that's what I want to think so given her the benefit of the doubt, BUT when a girl we both know messaged my fiancé saying congratulations on our engagement, she told me it was inappropriate & the only time she'd message him privately is to share a meme or topic of interest (they're both interested in local history). Maybe she doesn't remember saying that, but I do.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 22/03/2019 12:27

I'd let her know he told you, or she may think she and he have a little secret and keep on messaging him.

Robin2323 · 22/03/2019 12:28

She's after validation and any 'man' will do including your husband.
She is not a friend.

And if you d been around he block for as many times as I have you'd put her straight immediately- cf.

lazyspoon · 22/03/2019 12:28

I'd leave it for now, don't block her and see if she carries on. If so bring it up as it is very odd... seems like she's not a very good friend and her personality doesn't seem too good either

BlueMerchant · 22/03/2019 12:30

I'd have to let her know he told me.Id say something like he was quite taken aback to get a text off his fiance's friend.
I'd keep a close eye on her and wouldn't trust her.

Motherofcreek · 22/03/2019 12:35

She was fishing to see if he would respond. But to be honest I’m also in two minds about why she thought he would respond back...

I’d 100% bring it up to let her know he told you - so it doesn’t harbour and fantasies in her head.

‘Bored last night was ya?’

And just wait to see what she comes back with.

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