Met twice, he just text saying...

[Hollyboat]

I posted recently about someone I was dating. This is someone new...onto the next. I’m getting tired of it.

New man, met twice. Had good conversation, kissed on the second date. Had a few flirty messages in between dates, sometimes leading into sex talk (nothing extreme just asking favourite position, that sort of thing and that we fancied each other). Sounds a bit teenage writing it down but felt ok in the moment!

Today I had a text saying ‘I had an incredible dream of us having sex.’

Am I being too sensitive to think that’s not appropriate?! Not sure why I feel strange about it but I am known to overthink things!!!

I think if you want to be fwb or have a casual relationship then chat about sex straight away. If you're looking for a more serious relationship then I'd spend more time getting to know someone and then talk about sex.

I'll get ripped to pieces for saying this on here... But I think the old-fashioned way of insisting men committed to a relationship in order to get sex served women better than the modern free-for-all.

I don't object to the idea of both men and women waiting for sex (talking purely about male-female relationships here) I do object to the premise on which this is based. The idea that men are the ones pressing for sex and women are the ones wanting a commitment doesn't really do anybody any good. It's founded on the idea that men are basically after only one thing and that you have to tie them down before you give into this. It portrays sex as an exchange, as if men only want sex and women only want commitment. It denies the possibility that women will also want sex and that men will also want commitment.

This is I think part of the OP's problem. She's confused because she enjoys this kind of flirting, but feels somehow she's "putting out" too soon. After 3 dates with the man I'm currently seeing I was climbing the walls, whereas he was quite happy to wait and get to know me better. If we'd stuck to this old model we'd both have been thoroughly confused and conflicted.

If you look in the Relationships folder there is a recent-ish post by a woman whose husband gets extremely angry when she doesn't want sex, particularly during her period. She ends up "buckling down" and having sex even when she's in pain because she feels she owes him this. She asks if this is normal. It's at the extreme end, but this is where the model of men as having unstoppable sexual desires and women as seeking commitment in exchange for meeting those desires ends up. We have to stop seeing sex as an exchange. It isn't something that's just given to men in return for commitment. It can be something that women want too. And it's also something that neither men nor women have some right to, just because the other person gives some other form of commitment.