Actually shocked at what an idiot I am...

[Redfronts]

DP and I haven’t been getting along, so today I asked for him to leave the house for a week, so I can think about what I want to do.
He response was “This is my house, so you can go”. Then it hit me, I’m not on the deeds of the house, so I questioned him about it, and now find out he hasn’t put me on the council tax either.
That means that if we separated I would walk away with nothing.
Been together 15 yrs and have 3 kids. Also, keeps promising to get married and we never do.
I’ve been a complete fool and I’m so angry with myself.
I insisted I wanted my name on the house immediately. He said “start paying half the mortgage and you can” knowing that’s not possible as I’m a full time carer for our disabled son.

Marriage is not jyst a piece of paper, it’s a binding contract and without it a female can find herself in difficulty when things or if things go tits up

As per usual on these threads SO MUCH misinformation. I do wish people wouldn't comment if they don't know or at very least say they're not sure!

There's no such thing as common law marriage

There's no rights conferred on unmarried partners purely for living together X amount of time

There's no rights conferred on unmarried partners purely for "running" said home

Even when unmarried partners have contributed in terms of home improvements etc there's no guarantee the court will agree that means they should get any of the equity.

DO NOT "dob him in" on the council tax! That's terrible advice! Because the op is an adult without mitigating circumstances she's supposed to have done that herself! It's her that's not been paying legally speaking!

The ONLY ways to stake a claim in a property are by jointly owning or renting and having that in writing and preferably independently witnessed, to get married!

I do think we need a public campaign about this so so many people think they're covered when they're not!

And as I say on every thread of this nature it's not JUST in case of separation, if your partner becomes critically ill or does it can be an absolute nightmare to sort all the legalities, property and money. I've seen it happen where a "widow" has lost the family home because the "in laws" were able to claim it as they were unmarried, the guy had bought the house as she had no income as a sahm and he'd died intestate!

Op you need good advice ASAP, I agree with not leaving the home until you've had that advice. I'm personally not a fan of cab on such matters as I haven't found they're up to date with advice. A solicitor would be best really. There are some charities that offer free legal advice and cab can point you in the direction of those. A charity related to your sons disability may be able to help if it's a common/well recognised/supported condition that has like a national charity.

"Common-law marriage should be recognised, giving protection to women who have lived with their partners and have children with them! It is insane and frankly woman-hating that this is not the law." Nonsense! That would leave home owners wide open to fraud! How do they prove how long they've lived together? Would someone who's lived there one night be entitled to claim? And if not what time limit WOULD be acceptable? People would NEVER agree on this AND it would leave women vulnerable to being kicked out the day/week/month before they became eligible to claim. What's to stop an actual lodger claiming? What about couples who choose to be child free and therefore don't have that proof they were in a relationship? What if a ons occurs between lodger and landlord resulting in a pregnancy? How would those who wanted to live together but NOT be legally and financially linked opt out?

No! the reason it's clearly defined by marriage is because it eliminates all doubt. Marriage isn't a romantic thing, it's a legal contract that is required to be entered into voluntarily, witnessed and dated.

"I think parents need to take some responsibility for teaching their kids this sort of stuff too.

You cant put every life lesson into schools." I think this thread alone proves it cannot reliably be left to parents to do so when the parents are not just ignorant but firmly believe things like common law marriage exist. Also some kids don't have parents they're growing up in care with unstable living arrangements.

I've seen some atrocious "advice" on here. I despair!

Autocorrect being insensitive

If your partner becomes critically ill or dies

that should read

What criteria would you have for 'common-law' marriage anyway - cohabiting for at least a certain period? Having children? Simpler just to get married if you want the protections.

Too late for the OP, sadly - and now you've given your partner the heads up that you want out of the relationship, he's not going to put your name on the deeds.

See a solicitor ASAP, and speak to the council, dob him in if he's claiming single person discount, but see where you stand with regard to housing. Make sure the bastard knows he will be paying every penny of maintenance he owes.

No, of course it shouldn't be all of those ridiculous things, Graphista. Countries like Canada have perfectly sensible and well-regulated systems for determining common-law marriage, such as amount of time spent cohabiting (shown through bills, electoral register). Also of course having children together is pretty clear legally/genetically!

As you say, there is a great deal of misinformation. Primary carers in particularly quite rightly think they have protection that they don't. They should.

Primary carers in particularly quite rightly think they have protection that they don't. They should.

They chose not to get married and keep procreating with an arsehole who didn't marry them or offer. That's their lookout. There's strong opposition to common law marriage in the UK so things won't change soon. And shouldn't, IMO.

I think this thread alone proves it cannot reliably be left to parents to do so when the parents are not just ignorant but firmly believe things like common law marriage exist. Also some kids don't have parents they're growing up in care with unstable living arrangements.

That's why I said some responsibility. And something needs to be done about that situation too.

Schools can not continue to pick up parenting. It's just not realistic.

Primary carers in particularly quite rightly think they have protection that they don't. They should.

No they can choose to give their relationship a legal status. And not have kids or give up financial independence before that happens.

Again, these men will just not love in. Stringing women along with 'one day' if it did change.

And why should I someone who doesnt want to tue myself legally to someone else, have to live alone to avoid being tied to them?

And what if a lodger claims we are un a relationship? Moved in as a lodger and now a couple. How do I prove it's not?

If you leave the house for a week, I imagine you won't be able to care for your son?
If you did that, would it make him take the week off work to care for him and realise how much hassle it will actually be if you do have to look for work to pay for the mortgage?
Could be terrible advice, but since you are considering a split and he won't be amicable about the process, I'd just go.
Tell him he'll have to pay a carer instead or do the looking after himself.

But crossfit, seriously, would you just walk out on your disabled child and the other children like that? Imagine their distress, imagine what he would say to them. No.

Common-law marriage should be recognised, giving protection to women who have lived with their partners and have children with them!

NO NO NO. This should never become a thing.

If you want the protection of marriage, GET MARRIED. It's not hard, complicated or expensive.

And for people saying she should report him for fraud - she's just as responsible as him for getting on the council tax bill. The council will turn round and, justifiably, say "Well, you're a grown adult, why didn't you ring us yourself?"

f you did that, would it make him take the week off work to care for him and realise how much hassle it will actually be if you do have to look for work to pay for the mortgage?
Could be terrible advice, but since you are considering a split and he won't be amicable about the process, I'd just go.
Tell him he'll have to pay a carer instead or do the looking after himself*

And if he got a paid carer and/or changed the locks while she was away?

O/p would be even more fucked than she is now.

agree that marriage should be opt-in.

I'm trying to understand why the OP isn't registered as living there for council tax purposes. Surely that means she isn't on the list of registered voters either then? At no point during the last 15 years has she ever wanted to vote in, say, a general election? Or the referendum? Or tried to get credit but can't because she's not registered at that address? Has she been sleep walking through the last 15 years? Or is she actually registered as living there and just misunderstood her DH? All seems a bit odd.

Gosh to all the people saying that common-law marriage shouldn't be a thing.

Everyone is saying that women should only have children when they have the protection of marriage. Do you really think that this is at all likely when, as you almost all recognise, most people don't even realise that they don't have these protections unless they're married? Wouldn't it also be the right thing to do to grant these protections to women who are more vulnerable, less educated, perhaps not the one in the relationship who is deciding when to have children? (Google reproductive coercion).

Some of the most abusive men I've known are those who have withheld marriage from their partners, specifically in order to retain financial control and limit the rights of their partner should they leave.

Everyone is saying that women should only have children when they have the protection of marriage.

If you are living in a property that doesn't have your name on it and giving up financial independence. Yes that's exactly what I am saying.

Ignorance of the legal status of marriage and the disadvantages of not being married is not reason to change the law. That's where educating people would come in.

Yes women get trapped in abusive relationships. Again, changing the law wont help. These men will keep them dangling with prospect of living together, eventually. That's not going to help.

What about the women who own houses in their name and get trapped with an abusive man. Thay she cant get rid of without giving him half the house and has to continue living with him until the legals are sorted?

Or do those women not count?

"These men will keep them dangling with prospect of living together, eventually." Completely different as they would then still be independent! Which is the whole problem here - where one partner has become dependent and the lower earner while taking care of children.

"What about the women who own houses in their name and get trapped with an abusive man. Thay she cant get rid of without giving him half the house and has to continue living with him until the legals are sorted?" You have just accurately described the situation that a woman who owned property before marriage would be in. Are you now suggesting that she shouldn't have got married?

I mean, in practice, it's not exactly like you describe. It's a little more nuanced. But my point is that the 'downside' to common-law marriage that you describe already exists in the current institution of marriage.

Nope, don't agree with changing the law to counter ignorance of it. Like French, education is all that is needed. With education you're also usually better able to support yourself. And having a child is always a choice.

Common law marriage should not be recognised. That's like saying women who are uninformed enough to have children with and live with a man without the legality of a marriage certificate need protecting. No. It's not just a piece of paper. Plenty say that while looking down their noses at married women, seen it on here for years..

If you want legal protection, get married. See a solicitor for legal papers to be drawn up but don't moan when you find yourself with nothing as you didn't get informed.

Well he’s shown his true colours!
Is your son at school at all? Could you work in school hours?
What a terrible situation.

Gosh you are harsh coffee

And coming across as not very nice tbh.

Everyone is saying that women should only have children when they have the protection of marriage. Do you really think that this is at all likely when, as you almost all recognise, most people don't even realise that they don't have these protections unless they're married?

Well, people need to educate themselves then. You can't go around wanting the protection of marriage when you've chosen not to get married. That's now how it works in this country, thank God.