Would you be ok with this?

[Apache]

If you were dating someone (say you'd been dating longer than a year) would you be happy paying half towards everything that you did together? for instance going to the cinema, going for meals etc... if he expected you to pay half towards everything despite knowing you were very short of money whilst he had much more disposable income, would you be ok with this?

Doesn't it, though, Speccy?

how so? i just don't see the problem with this man in question? he is not married to her, he does not have a family with her (i'm assuming as she referred to the child as "hers"), he is dating her.and he is happy to pay his own way entirely and expects his girlfriend to do the same. i'd imagine he works hard for his money so is entitled to spend it as he wishes.i don't see why he should have to justify his wages because his gf thinks that spending money on gadgets and xbox games is a waste. as i said at the start if she can't afford to partake in activities then she should make that clear to him then they can do something more within her means.

because it's not a relationship, amen, it's a buddy system. he treats his girlfriend like he would a mate. she's not his mate.

he knows she's hard up as well, but he's stingy.

that's why people said they'd dump a bloke like that.

i have no issues with this by the way, i just think that women expecting men to pay for stuff is a joke. i treat my other half all the time as when we first got together i probably had more disposable income and i had a car with her living about a 45 minute drive away i never asked for petrol money.i like treating her.but if i ever suggested doing something and she didn't have the cash for at the time she would not expect me to pay.she'd say "i'm broke can we eat in/not go out tonight". and that would be fine, if i felt like treating her i might if i didn't we'd just do the cheaper option, but she'd never expect it and always make an effort to pay me back by doing somethig nice. but my point is that just because this man does not think like me and happens to have more money than his gf, he should not be obliged to pay for his gf to do stuff she can't afford.
in fairness i'm actually going to agree with the other women on here and agree that you should dump him, for his sake.

"...with her living about a 45 minute drive away i never asked for petrol money"

sorry i just realised how that looked.i wasn't saying it looking for praise or anything, i'd never even think to ask for petrol money and if i take her out to dinner i'm taking her as my date/guest and paying for the pleasure of her sompany. i was just trying to point out that i was not like this guy and would never ask for petrol money despite being a student at the time and it costing me about 50 euro a week that i didn't really have.

I don't think you should expect someone to pay for everything by any means - he is only her bf and not living with her or anything BUT his whole attitude stinks of someone who is naturally tight and you really don't want to end up with someone like that.

So if he's just good fun and you don't see it going anywhere then fine but if you are thinking long term with this chap I'd say don't!

I totally agree Speccy - can't bear that breaking down the bill thing even though as I usually don't drink I get stiched up frequently. The whole thing makes me cringe when people do that. How can they stand to do it???

Surely the polite thing to do is for the poorer to offer to pay half and for the richer to refuse, oh, about half the time.

Counting the pennies so carefully after this length of time (it's not like it's a first date or anything) is a sign of someone with 'ishoos' IMO.

"...with her living about a 45 minute drive away i never asked for petrol money"

oh the romance
oh the passion
it's like Romeo and fecking Juliet all over again

surely if the bf wants to spend 70quid on an xbox game thats up to him. he earns the money, should be able to buy what he wants.

yes, he can buy what he wants. but generally in a relatoinship one could reasonably expect a bit of give and take and considering the other person's needs and feelings.
this guy is capable or willing to do that imo

He should be able to spend the money on what he wants. But perhaps it would bode better for the realtionship if he wanted to spend a bit more on them rather than him IYSWIM...

The first thought i had when reading this was...why do women now a days shout independance from the top of their lungs, yet bitch and moan when a man doesn't pay everytime he takes her out? very old fashioned to expect this.

Do you want him to lay his coat over a puddle for you too?

Women tend to pick and choose what they want to be independant with, double standards.

My dh & i went halves until we moved in together tbh, well actually not so cut and dried, i would pay for something and he would pay for something else, why should he have to pay all the time?

Think it is getting a little petty tbh with the £6 thing, why do you have to splash out everytime you see each other, what is wrong with a quiet night in?

i agree it would be nice for him to treat once in a while. i wouldnt agree that he should have to do it all the time. if theres times when you cant afford to go out then you have to say so. i also dont agree to splitting the bill. you should pay for what you order. i recently went out on a hen night. we started with a meal. i was a bit skint so went for the cheapest option and only had a few drinks. mine came to around 15quid, when the bill came people were expected to pay 35 quid each. i refused! i am not stingy, i would happily pay for any of my mates should they be skint and i had the money to treat them. just not all the time.

When I first started going out with dh we split everything equally but if there were times when one of us wanted to do something and the other didn't have the cash we'd still do it as either myself or dh would pay, depending who had enough money. When we moved in together all of our money went into a pot to pay all the bills and then the rest we spent on stuff we liked or wanted and we still do it like this now.
I do think your other half has issues apache because if you are in a healthy relationship with someone, being with them and wanting to make them happy is what's important and it seems to me that your other half is more worried about being taken than being in a proper relationship, which must be extremely tedious. At the end of the day it's all down to trust and by the sounds of it the only person he trusts is his bank manager....
So for your sake, NOT HIS! confront him about it and if he's not willing to give you the benefit of the doubt than imo he's really not worth holding on to...

Oh for gods sake
A relationship is supposed to be about mutal support and respect - treating the other person with the same care and attention you treat yourself.
The issue is not some feminist bollox in spite of several attempts here to pretend that it is. It is just about kindness and generosity of spirit.
When I first met DH I was earning more and when we went out paying just ebbed and flowed on how we were on any given night. If he was broke we would have fish and chips at home. When he had some cash he loved treating me but when he was broke I enjoyed treating him just as much. If he had at any time been on income support & single parent and struggling I would have been happy to pay extra so that we could go out. I would equally be happy to stay in so that he didn't feel uncomfortable. I KNOW it was exactly the same for him as later in our relationship I was the one earing considerably less.

This isn't about equality of feminism or any other toss. It is just that he is not being very nice. And I think that is who he is - pretty mean and pretty selfish.
Apache. Stay with him if you wish but do so with your eyes open. You are on your own with him and the relatioship is based entirely on your being able to conceed every choice about money to him
he is just not very nice.
I would run as fast as I could. If he is this mean with you how will you combine and financial decisions re your child should your relationship continue. Run

Exactly. I don't think Apache is saying she wants him to pay all the time or even most of the time (and I quite agree that there is no need/reason for this and most people would not expect it) but it seems that he doesn't offer to help out ever. And after a year of being together I think that's too thoughtless really.

I should also add that the weekend before he had no money as he'd bought himself a playstation 3 as soon as he'd been paid . Anyway I needed to go to asda so we went and he hinted at fancying chocolate and a drink etc for the night time. I bought him some cider and bought us a cake, ended up spending far more than I could really afford and he said "I'll make it up when I get paid" which he never did.

Also he stays at my house all weekend and never offers anything towards the food he eats. And had the cheek to say that if I go vegetarian like i'm planning to would it mean he was deprived of meat at weekends too