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Original poster

Would you be ok with this?

110 replies

Apache · 09/07/2007 21:45

If you were dating someone (say you'd been dating longer than a year) would you be happy paying half towards everything that you did together? for instance going to the cinema, going for meals etc... if he expected you to pay half towards everything despite knowing you were very short of money whilst he had much more disposable income, would you be ok with this?

OP posts:
Carmenere · 09/07/2007 23:52

Apologies, there is a poster on here you changes her name repeatedly to complain about her total waster of a bf who is a stingy, unevolved, selfish child who doesn't give a fuck about her. She never takes the advice given and as this is your first post and he also spends all his money on Xboxes ect, I thought you were her.
Just bin him, your friends and family are telling you he is a loser and now a load of strangers are telling you he is a loser, bin him.

mollymawk · 09/07/2007 23:53

Now I am really laughing at margo's ex boyfriend.
"Can you pay for this round? I don't want to break into a fiver"

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 09/07/2007 23:53

Flibberty - I dated him for 5 years too!

(do you think he dated us simultaneously?)

flibbertyjibbet · 10/07/2007 00:01

Margo, I don't think we were symoultaneous (sp?) as I was so stupid I let him live in my flat and basically he sponged off me for the next 4 years!
Now, me and dp are both so skint that we are living on lerrrrve [just noticed there isn't a face symbol for puke!!!]

KerryMumbledore · 10/07/2007 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordPan · 10/07/2007 00:13

I know it isn't the same, but I have two close buddies, one who is unemployed, and the other who is getting temping jobs..when we go out, I do not mind paying for cinema tickets for us all now and then, or getting a an extra 'round' from time to time....this is because I know they would do the same, we love each other's company, and within reason, these are too good reasons to pay up a little more.

if you are in a 'loving' relationship, it's awful that this is an issue.

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 10/07/2007 00:22

LordPan , you've just reminded me (Lord, I must attract them)

I have/had a friend who was tight as well. Every Friday I drove to her town (about 7 miles away), picked her and another friend up and go to the pub.

If she had a alcoholic drink it would never be on her round. If we had a crisp or snack addition, you can bet it would never be on her round either. (there would only be the three of us on a night out). Then I would drop them home again.

LordPan · 10/07/2007 00:28

yesI guess it's how it all makes you feel, yes? The OP feels bad about it, and so there is something wrong.

and, the temping friend is in a live-in relationship with a puter geek earning stacks, but..she still scrimps around.....just sooo wrong!!

hoolagirl · 10/07/2007 08:24

Shocking!
When me and Dp were dating, we both paid our fair share, we earned roughly the same though.
But if one of us couldn't afford to do something we would just say so. If one of us could afford to pay for it all then thats what we would do. If we couldn't it was no big deal.
All seems a bit odd.

Lauriefairycake · 10/07/2007 08:47

To be honest it's not the money that's screaming at me LEAVE - cos some people are very funny about money. It's that it seems he doesn't notice you after a year - if he's not taking into account your feelings after a year you can be damn sure he won't improve.

And if your wondering why you always end up with arses then get some free counselling or something cos that is something you can definitely change - and you will be happier.

And don't beat up on yourself too much about this - at some point in our lives we usually end up with a complete twonk - and that says more about where you are emotionally rather than about Mrtightarsed-wankfeatures

amen · 10/07/2007 11:27

honestly if i was with a girl and she expected to be treated she would be binned quite quickly. i have no problem treating whoever i'm with now and again, but if i was dating someone and she didn't offer to pay her way i would think very little of her.

KerryMumbledore · 10/07/2007 12:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amen · 10/07/2007 12:17

"She is having to pay for things socially that she just can't afford to do. "

then she should be strong enough to simply say "no i can't do that this weekend i'm skint", she only "HAS TO" pay for these things because she is agreeing to do them.
he's hardly cheap if he is paying his own way throughout.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 12:19

There are some real twats out there.

KerryMumbledore · 10/07/2007 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 10/07/2007 12:21

Did you post before, under a differnt name? Like 'sketty'? Does he live with his Mum?

Anyway, he sounds, selfish, thoughtless and uncaring.

Don't spend more than you can afford, ever. If you are managing, keep that up, and don't let him drag you into debt. Be strong and clear about what you are prepared to spend etc.

And when you go out to eat, ask for separate bills from the outset.

Speccy · 10/07/2007 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maisemor · 10/07/2007 12:24

If he showers at your place, charge him for water and heating.
If he sleeps at your place, charge him.
If he eats at your place, charge him.
See how he likes that.
If he wants to be your boyfriend he needs to start treating you like a ladeeee, not a friend.

HuwEdwards · 10/07/2007 12:24

If you care for someone, money is way down the list of priorities.

I mean, when Apache says she can't afford an activity, he cancels - so he's chossing money over her.

That is not right - apache, dump him.

amen · 10/07/2007 12:27

"And when you go out to eat, ask for separate bills from the outset."

apparently this would be unacceptablte to the ladies of the forum as that would mean she is paying for herself.and in these days of equality no woman should have to pay their own way if they are dating someone who earns more than them.that would be ridiculous.

amen · 10/07/2007 12:29

"I mean, when Apache says she can't afford an activity, he cancels - so he's chossing money over her."

well then you could say exactly the same about her.she is choosing financial planning and her budget over him.why can't he just cancel and do something else she can afford?instead of going out to dinner stay in and order a takeout or go to a less expensive restaurant?instead of going to the cinema rent out a movie?

expatinscotland · 10/07/2007 12:29

amen who is Apache's boyfriend's guru and computer games buddy.

Speccy · 10/07/2007 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amen · 10/07/2007 12:30

"amen who is Apache's boyfriend's guru and computer games buddy."

sorry you've lost me there.

amen · 10/07/2007 12:38

"I couldn't be with someone who didn't have a generous spirit.

He earns more than her yet he still insists on breaking down the bill and then expects her to pay more than her fair share."

and i couldn't go out with someone who lacked independence and expected to be looked after financially.
i'd agree with her on the restaurant moment where she had to pay 9 poud instead of 6 for her meal as then she was paying his share. but what if it had been the other way and he'd broken the meal down into individual items rather than just paying half?i'd imagine he'd still be tight in everyones eyes here.
and about the london trip i don't see the problem.initially he wanted to split the cost where he'd pay for the car and her the hotel, she couldn't afford this(was he expected to pay for it all?) so he suggested a day trip and once again wanted to split the cost of the petrol (i see no mentioon of him asking to split the cost of hiring the car)