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Original poster

Help me have strength. Hes just smashed up my kitchen

150 replies

Teacoffeechoc · 14/03/2019 11:05

So partner has always had a bad temper and arguments have got out of hand before.
This morning I went for a coffee with a friend and he has smashed up the kitchen because he doesn't like my friend. He threw the microwave at me but I managed to dodge it. He has smashed glasses of the floor and walls. Hes broken my washing machine and oven.

I asked him to leave and he has. But know he will come back as he has left his charger here.
He has taken all money and food from his kids as he is trying to get to me.

Give me strength to finally get rid of him please.

OP posts:
CostanzaG · 14/03/2019 13:01

Please phone the police. Don't let him back - he will eventually kill you.

I speak from experience. My best friend was killed by her partner. He needs to be arrested and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near you or children.

TheMightyToosh · 14/03/2019 13:04

Compare the aftermath if you DO call the police versus the aftermath if you DON'T.

You or one of your children could die at the hands of this man.

Just pick up the phone and give that responsibility to the people who are trained to handle it.

Wallywobbles · 14/03/2019 13:07

If you don't call the police eventually you'll have to leave your kids with him. By themselves.

Microwaves can be replaced. Really you can't go on like this and the more proof and evidence and complaints you have about him the stronger position you'll be in for you and your kids future.

There are no long term downsides to calling now.

funtimespeople · 14/03/2019 13:08

Calling the police is the right thing to do. They will let social services know as there are children at home. It's much, much better for you to have informed them and seek help than ignoring it and the children telling someone (which they will).

So sorry you are going through this. Nobody should live in fear of a partner. You are doing the right thing by protecting them. Children and easily get caught in the cross fire and emotionally it's so damaging for them. They must be terrified.

TeaforTwoBiscuitOrThree · 14/03/2019 13:14

a 4-year old. Please get yourself and your kids somewhere safe.

SleepWarrior · 14/03/2019 13:16

It is scary to call the police because then you are locked into a process that you can't brush under the carpet.

But that's OK. When you pick up that phone visualise yourself as doing the only thing you can to protect your children from violence.

He has chosen this with his own actions, not you. He has forced your hand and by calling the police you are taking the ONLY option you have left to keep your family safe. Don't forget that if he (and maybe his family?) try to guilt trip you.

You've got this Flowers

PrayingandHoping · 14/03/2019 13:18

Well done for deciding to call the police

They will help you get him out even if he is on the tenancy

AwayToday · 14/03/2019 13:24

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

crosspelican · 14/03/2019 13:25

Please remember that he will do this again, and if he kills you then you won't be there to protect your children from him.

You ARE strong. You CAN do this. His behaviour was so extreme that the police will be able to take him away. Has he beaten you in the past? When arguments got out of control, did he hit you?

Good work putting his stuff outside. When you have called the police and he has been arrested, they can advise you on what to do next. Do you need anybody to help you give a statement? Your mother, your friend? Is there a school mum friend who could support you?

Eliza9917 · 14/03/2019 13:25

And the house is rented with both our names on.

Will your friend let you stay with her for a bit or is there someone else you can stay with?

Dickensnovel · 14/03/2019 13:26

I completely understand that fear to get the police involved, but you can even have your friend make the call and describe the situation for you. Until you have some official protection, you are so vulnerable! You and the children NEED protecting from this so-called "man" before someone really gets permanently damaged. The children will need help to get over this as it is. Women's Aid is also mentioned here a lot and they seem to be a great help; maybe they could help you to call? But do something, fast.

AnyWalls · 14/03/2019 13:26

Good luck with it.

Coronapop · 14/03/2019 13:28

Report to police and change the locks. His behaviour is absolutely appalling and you need to get him out of your life.

StrongTea · 14/03/2019 13:33

Get your friend to come to you and if possible stay with you. Would the landlord change the locks?

beerandpopcorn · 14/03/2019 13:44

So it's a tenancy? He has damaged someone else's property. Also call your landlord and tell him. Pretty sure he'll be happy to take the nut jobs name off the tenancy agreement.

f83mx · 14/03/2019 13:44

The police won’t allow him back, I can’t say this strongly enough - you are a mother, he is a danger to you and the children.... call the police.

TheMamaYo · 14/03/2019 13:49

OP, I think you’ll find that when the police gets involved, he will take you more seriously. Yes, of course he’ll kick off afterwards, but don’t allow him near you, and call the police again if he does it.

I’ve been where you are now. It is scary. Calling the police for the first time on someone you love is horrid. But they do make it easier for you, really. They are also able to put you in touch with other places that are really helpful.

I promise you, it takes courage to step out of this situation, but it gets so so much better once you do.

I was sad that your kid witnessed it. If not for you, then do it for them.

Atalune · 14/03/2019 13:53

You need to find there little kernel or courage and phone the police. You can do this. You really can. Call them.

Scorpvenus1 · 14/03/2019 14:27

The police will hold him in custody with being sent to remand or whatever it is as my friends ex did this and kicked the dog smacked the kids about and he was arrested and then straight into bullingdon ready for court, but she sadly dropped charges and he got away with it. She got rid of him later on but they will sort him out.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/03/2019 14:32

OP I can't believe that your four year old was there and saw this. They could have been killed.

Harsh words here but there's no other way to say it. You have to call the police and follow through in order to protect your children, and if you don't, you're failing them and putting them at risk. It's not just about now and the immediate aftermath and getting him out of the house. It's about letting authorities know so that they can help you, have the information they need to take action, and then in the future for you to have this on record so that you can control his access in the future, or hopefully keep him away altogether.

They will help you, they will give you the backup and strength you need to get rid properly.

Yes he will go crazy - and? He's going crazy now whenever he feels like it so what exactly is the difference, apart from you being protected if he's going crazy in a cell or with a restraining order preventing him from contacting you?

Hope you are on to he police right now.

loveyoutothemoon · 14/03/2019 14:33

Fucking hell your 4 year old watched it all? Call the police and never have him back.

Good luck.

hippoherostandinghere · 14/03/2019 16:04

Hope you're ok Op. if you can't make the call get your friend to do it. Do it for your children. Stay strong.

Thesearmsofmine · 14/03/2019 16:09

I’ve been thinking about you all afternoon. I hope you and your children are safe.

ANiceLuxury · 14/03/2019 16:16

I hope your ok op

SaskiaRembrandt · 14/03/2019 16:21

I hope you've called the police, I know it's daunting but it's better than the alternative. Follow that up with a call to Women's Aid 0808 2000 247