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Original poster

Should you warn your ex if you think they are in danger?

79 replies

magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 12:48

This is going to sound really weird but please bear with me.

I am a guy & I split up from my ex in 2018 due to a toxic relationship. Since it ended she tried contacting me on a number of times but due to the nature of the relationship I have had to completely ignore her for my own mental health.

I have snooped on her Facebook a few times & I have noticed that she is getting pretty close to a certain guy. I have no idea why but I Googled this guy's name & it came up with a News Report about a guy with the same name (which is quite distinctive) who lives in the exact same area. This report was about a guy been jailed for an assault on a woman back in 2009. I cannot be 100% sure it is the same guy but my gut instinct says it is. I have no idea if my ex is going to even meet this guy but now I am a little worried in case she does.

I know I shouldn't be snooping on her Facebook & it sounds weird that I Googled this guys name but I just had a weird feeling about him.

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 10/03/2019 12:50

Tell her. Then stop stalking her lol.

AtrociousCircumstance · 10/03/2019 12:50

Do you have a mutual friend you can tell this to, who could perhaps pass on the concerns?

FindPrimeLorca · 10/03/2019 12:51

Find someone else who can get the information to her. Then stop reading her Facebook - it’s not in your interests.

OddCat · 10/03/2019 12:52

I wouldn't tell her yourself, it could be construed as you being jealous and wanting her back. Get someone else to have a word but do you think she'd take heed ?

JingsMahBucket · 10/03/2019 12:56

Yeah, go through a third party. If you tell her yourself she may go out with the guy even more in an attempt to make you jealous even though you were sincerely trying to warn her. Make sure the third party doesn’t mention that it’s coming from you though, for the same reason above.

Babynut1 · 10/03/2019 12:57

You could just set up an anonymous Facebook account and send her the link and suggest she does a Claire’s Law application and leave it there xx

Middersweekly · 10/03/2019 13:00

Yes I would definitely tell her what you have discovered. At least if she decides to ignore the warning you know you have done what you can. I remember a couple of years ago my mum who was recently divorced going on a couple of dates with a man. I googled his name and found out that he had been charged with stalking and gross harassment of his ex wife. Some of the details of the case were horrendous! I told my mum not to have any contact with the man again!

Bigonesmallone3 · 10/03/2019 13:01

U can't tell her yourself..
Is there anyway u can get the information to her without looking stalkerish

On the other hand what makes u think she's getting close to this man.
U could of got it very wrong

OddCat · 10/03/2019 13:02

Or maybe do a bit more digging to make sure 100% it is this guy before saying anything at all - if you're wrong it could open a can of worms

NameChangeNugget · 10/03/2019 13:03

The messenger will be shot.

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:05

I know i need to stop stalking her :/

OP posts:
VixenSixen · 10/03/2019 13:10

There is a way round this. Take a screen grab/screenshot and print it off and send it through the post....... That way she will be aware and you won't have to implicate yourself in the process.

She can do with that information what she pleases to. If someone knew something like that about someone I was dating I'd want to know 100%.

Musti · 10/03/2019 13:13

Tell a mutual friend and then block her so that you can't snoop on her timeline.

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:15

You could just set up an anonymous Facebook account and send her the link and suggest she does a Claire’s Law application and leave it there xx I did think of doing this to be honest.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 10/03/2019 13:17

@magiceyes78 You’re not necessarily stalking her just still emotionally attached. With one of my exes I had to finally delete him off all my social media profiles. This was good but because we had so many people in common I would still get updates somehow. As in, people would hang out with him one night and me the next and would casually relay something that still had mental significance to me. They weren’t trying to be hurtful and were even trying to be evasive but I connected the dots anyway.

Definitely do this one last gesture and then delete or block her so you don’t see any updates at all. Going cold turkey helped me a lot. :)

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:17

Or maybe do a bit more digging to make sure 100% it is this guy before saying anything at all - if you're wrong it could open a can of worms this is what I am afraid of. I am not 100% sure it is the same guy. The name is distinctive & the area is the same. If i could find the guys age & it was the same as in the article then this would almost confirm it.

OP posts:
OddCat · 10/03/2019 13:20

You do need to be very sure before you start making claims about the wrong person.

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:22

You do need to be very sure before you start making claims about the wrong person. exactly & I cannot be 100% sure apart from its the same name & he lives in the same area because that's the only information available on his profile.

OP posts:
diddl · 10/03/2019 13:22

Leave it!

Surely she's probably googled him already?

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:23

On the other hand what makes u think she's getting close to this man.
U could of got it very wrong just by the flirting & posts but yeah I cannot be 100% sure its just any more than that.

OP posts:
OddCat · 10/03/2019 13:25

TBH I'd stay out of it and concentrate on moving on.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 10/03/2019 13:25

I'd just print it off and send it through the post with a note about Claire's Law. Can be completely anonymous and she can take it from there.

Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:26

Leave it! Surely she's probably googled him already? do women generally google potential partners? I thought that they probably do.

OP posts:
Original poster
magiceyes78 · 10/03/2019 13:29

I was thinking about setting up a Facebook profile & just sending a private message saying something like "Hey just a kind message, it may be an idea to Google any potential dates"

Then I wouldn't be naming anyone but giving her a little push.

Is this super weird?

OP posts:
Musti · 10/03/2019 13:31

Have you got any mutual friends you could talk to?